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Masturbating in my sleep, husband PISSED, I’m FREAKED!

Last night, all I remember is my husband waking me up from a horrible nightmare trying to get some. I was so freaked out and had no idea what was going on- I remember getting upset, not at him but because of the dream and having that “I don’t know where I am or what’s going on” feeling. He got all upset, and I cried myself to sleep. I only have flash memories of it this morning, but he was being very nasty and cold. He just came in the room and FLIPPED, saying I neglect him because I’m taking care of myself. I have no idea what he’s talking about! He said I was masturbating in my sleep and woke him up, but I don’t remember any of this!  I said he was wrong and my nightmare probably woke him up but he swears that wasn’t it, and that it’s happened plenty of times in the past. He now won’t talk to me, thinking I’m doing this on purpose! He’s tried waking me up before, always saying I woke him up but it’s always when I’m having a nightmare. I don’t remember any sexual dreams, or even a positive dream, in fact it was a horrible, horrible dream. And I certainly don’t remember masturbating! He’s now convinced I’m purposely neglecting him and taking care of myself, and I don’t know what to do! It scares me because I don’t remember any of this. He won’t listen to me and doesn’t believe me, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t drink, but I do take melatonin at night before bed- 6g-9g. Is this even possible? How can I stop? I am so freaked out by this and don’t know what to do.
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Avatar universal
Your problem is caused by hypotension or sleep paralysis caused by you take melatonin at night before .
A person may have the exact same physiological response to a stimulus, yet experience an entirely different emotion.
Factors such as the individual's existing mental state, cues in the environment, and the reactions of other people can all play a role in the resulting emotional response.[1] For example, if you experience a racing heart and sweating palms during an important exam, you will probably identify the emotion as anxiety. If you experience the same physical responses on a date, you might interpret those responses as love, affection, or arousal. If you experience the same physical responses you are walking in the woods, and you see a grizzly bear. You will interpret your physical reactions and conclude that you are frightened .Another example, if someone sneaks up on you and shouts,  your heart rate increases. Your heart rate increase (palpitations)is what causes you to feel fear(or nightmare).


In the same way, the cause of sleep paralysis is very simple.Sleep paralysis is caused by a terrible the reduced blood supply to the brain(hypotension)when you sleep because your neck bends for a long time,common symptoms include terrible dizziness, palpitations(Faster or slower heartbeat), sweating,visual disturbances (including blurring, color changes, white-out, graying-out, enhanced brightness, darkening or blackening and tunnel vision) that can't see, hearing disturbances (including  crackles and tinnitus) that can't hear, weakness, fatigue, nausea and headache. Less common symptoms include syncope, dyspnea, chest pain, and neck and shoulder pain. When symptoms occur they can vary greatly in expression from one individual to another.[2]
Hypotension, anemia, improper sleeping position or poor blood flow in the neck caused by too high pillow are several common causes of the reduced blood supply to the brain during sleep at night. In particular, anyone with too high pillow during sleep is bound to experience recurring sleep paralysis all night. This  terrible reduced blood supply to the brain is more likely to occur during waking up during the day than during sleep at night. For example, almost everyone suddenly stands up when their blood pressure is low in summer, and has experienced the terrible  symptoms of the reduced blood supply to the brain caused by orthostatic hypotension.
Accordingly, the terrible dizziness during the reduced blood supply to the brain will lead to the illusion of seeing a terrible demon, the palpitation(Faster heartbeat) will lead to the illusion of being attacked by a terrible demon, and tinnitus will lead to the illusion of hearing a certain sound. Because people's instinctive reaction is that your dare not move your body when your can't see the surrounding environment clearly after waking up, therefore, the visual obstacle that your eyes can't see will lead to the illusion of being unable to move your body or can't open your eyes.
The leading cause of  a terrible the reduced blood supply to the brain when you are awake during the day was that you stand up too fast. The leading cause of  a terrible the reduced blood supply to the brain(sleep paralysis) when you sleep at night was that the blood flow is blocked due to the flexion of the neck. Of course, people with hypotension and anemia are more likely to have such a terrible the  symptoms of the reduced blood supply to the brain (a terrible the  sleep paralysis )than normal people.
In addition to the fact that the pillow is too high, which will lead to neck flexion and poor blood flow, sleep on your back is more likely to lead to neck flexion and poor blood flow than sleep on your side. Therefore, sleep on your back is more likely to lead to sleep paralysis than sleep on your side.
[1],The James-Lange Theory of Emotion
By Kendra Cherry Updated on November 19, 2020
Medically reviewed by David Susman, PhD
[2],Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS)
By Danny Bonvissuto
Medically Reviewed by Brunilda Nazario, MD on August 10, 2020  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Jenni. I know it’s been a good while since you posted this but may I ask if anything ever got resolved? I’m actually going through something similar. My husband swears that he believes I’m masturbating in my sleep but I’m positive I’m not. He says I shake the bed and make weird moaning sounds but there’s no signs or evidence  of me doing anything even if it was involuntarily. He swears I do though. Idk if there may be something wrong with me because I don’t recall anything like that. My dreams are never sexual.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It is possible your husband is right.  Suggest you seek marital counseling.  Might also discuss with your doc to ensure no untreated med issues.  You can fix this.
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
Thank you, I do believe him, but it freaks me out a lot because I have no memory other than the terror from the nightmare and him waking me up and being so upset. I was so disoriented, and he doesn't believe I don't remember, so I don't even know how to broach the subject. Just thinking about this happening in my sleep without me knowing puts such a rock in my stomach
So it seems there are a couple of different things happening here.

First is nightmares, maybe even night terrors. That's something that you need to address with your doctor, maybe a therapist, depending on the cause. Can you sleep without the melatonin? If you google "melatonin nightmares", there are lots of articles about it possibly causing and/or contributing to them. It may or may not be the cause for you.

The second issue is your marriage, and that your husband doesn't believe you on face value, that he thinks masturbation means you are "neglecting him", even if you were doing it voluntarily, and now he's actually mad at you and is now punishing you with the silent treatment, like a child might, instead of calmly discussing things with you like an adult. He's also not concerned that you are having disturbing dreams. He's putting all of his own feelings ahead of yours, and you're the one who's having disturbing events.

So my suggestion would be to first talk to your doctor about what's happening in your sleep. There are other sleep meds to try if you need assistance with sleeping. Ask for a referral to a counselor. If your husband won't go, go alone. You can get help working through these dreams, and get some support for dealing with your husband.

As to how to broach it with him, well, my approach might be different than yours, since I would tell him to grow up, stop acting like a child, and you could use a hug because this is really scary for you. But really, you could just tell him that you are sad and hurt that he doesn't trust you, you need his support because you are having scary dreams that you don't really remember, and you need a hug (or whatever you need from him). Use your own words in your natural voice, but find your voice and use it.

You might also want to post in our Relationships forum about the relationship part of all this - https://www.medhelp.org/forums/Relationships/show/78

Let us know what your doctor says and good luck. :)
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