Please help me

[just_peanut]

I'm a 15 year old female, currently residing with my dad. He's gone for all day due to work, and I'm alone most of the time. I've been facing alot of difficulties since the last four months. I've been having irrational thoughts and I don't feel like myself sometimes. It's like I'm having a second voice in my head when it comes to making decisions. I dont care about any consequence. I feel like I lost the sense of reality. It's like viewing myself from apart. From the last four months, I didn't sleep good. Maybe part of the reason is by checking my phone all the time and playing games. But its what gives me comfort. Excessive eating makes me feel sane, and despising nyself afterwards for my body image. I've been said to some extent that I even question myself. Like I said, I've had irrational thoughts. Last night, my chest feels heavy and pounding. I've been bursting into tears like crazy till 5 am. I've had this second voice in my head that had been planning on overdosing myself or hanging on the ceiling until I snapped myself out of it. Its painful, I wanna scream out crying, and hating myself in the process. Next morning, I feel like puking and having a tingling sensation in my stomach. I don't feel well, and felt dizzy. I feel like passing out and somehow my head kept falling backwards like I've been always tired. For the last four months, I've been always tired and unmotivated to do things. I've find many things pointless anymore. I don't know. If your reading this, I don't care anymore. Pls help, I don't feel so good.

[prollyadhd]

I hope you feel better soon, going through similar stuff

[specialmom]

Hi there. I know you posted a while back. You are still in the drain? Start a new post with what is going on but keep coming back to it (I think last time you didn't return). We want to help you if we can!

[Chocomex]

Your self is working well. All these senses and changes in senses are pointing in the right direction, if you will just listen, things will get much better. Listen to yourself, which is telling you to get away, start something new, do it differently.

so yes youre tired of the same BS
You want to comit suicide, to get away from the current situation,
how can you care anymore about the same things that you did 5 or 10 years ago? Youre becoming a woman, many changes are happening.

There is this new energy, new life, a metamorphosis that wants to happen. Thats where the great discomfort comes from, its not a bad thing; use it for what its meant for. Changing your life.

Watch how bursting your bubble will give you many new things to care about? Go find them.

[spaghettios]

i dont know if this is helpful but i could give you my social so we can talk cause im experiencing some of the same things and i feel like we can relate :)

[Sara_MHModerator]

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[specialmom]

****  Let me say that if you have thought about suicide and have an actual plan or way you'd do it, it is time for immediate intervention.  There are suicide prevention hot lines and websites you can contact.  That's a mental health crisis and please PLEASE speak to your dad about that immediately.  And if you ever feel semi serious about doing this, call 911 or ask your dad to drive you to the ER.  I've taken my son.  It starts the ball rolling or true help to get you back on track. Depression whether it is just depression or depression and an eating disorder is dangerous to leave untreated sweetie.  

With regards to eating as comfort ---I think comforting with food is something a lot of people do (me).  We start a reward system of food when growing up.  Food is associated with things like celebrations, milestones, happy events.  It just gets to be a 'thing' that we find comfort for and let's face it, it tastes good!  Managing eating and weight is something many struggle with. However, if you are binging.  That is different.  That will impact you negatively especially if you get into the cycle of either purging or starvation after.  My son answers questions regarding detection of an eating disorder as part of every screening he's now had for his mental health. Providers KNOW what to look for and they know how to treat this.  You sound to have other symptoms of depression and anxiety.  It's time to get help.

So, your dad.  Can you tell him about this? He needs to know. School counselors may help as well.  But you are in a position now to probably need a psychiatric care team that will start with perhaps a social worker to evaluate the suicide thoughts and start making a safety plan with you, a psychotherapist to begin treatment such as cognitive behavior therapy and if they deem necessary, either a psychiatrist or what I've come to realize do a fantastic job with medication these days is a psychiatric nurse practitioner.  Now, I am not sure where you live.  I am not sure what mental health help you have available to you. Let us know, we'll try to help.

[artemesia2]

I get the most that you are truly hurting.  That your self  image is seriously damaged.   Deep feelings of body dysmorphism.   If you don't know the term it means a terribly poor  physical body self image.   I think you should seek professional psychiatric help asap.   I get the impression of a young woman , 15 who is really emotionally hurting.   I feel I can't diagnose since I'm not a mental health professional.  Overall you seem to me extremely poor self esteem and a profound sadness because of it.   You didn't mention your mom or your relationship with her emotionally.   Can you talk to your dad in the evening and/or the weekend?   Please get the help you need either in person, by phone or online therapy.

[Paxiled]

Just to say, psychological help is for therapy.  Psychiatrists these days are largely for medication, and even when they do therapy, it costs a lot more for a less amount of time.  It might amount to that, but I'd try a psychologist first if you go that route.

[specialmom]

artmesia, you give such kind and comforting advice. I appreciate that.  Thank you.  Eating issues and body dysmorphia is such a large part of psychiatric care now.   I agree that looking for psychiatric care from a care team is really helpful.  Once a family begins looking for this help, they will see providers that do specific jobs working as a team for care.  I agree it is time to talk to a trusted adult and begin that process.

[ppowb]

Sympathy! Did something happen to trigger this - a bad event or change in meds?  Maybe it’s just hormones out of whack. If mom, dad, grandparents, older siblings are not available for talk, Google “suicide hot line” for other options.

[Paxiled]

You need to talk to your Dad about this, and now.  Is your Mom still in the picture?  Do you have friends or other relatives you can talk to?  What you need is to get into therapy ASAP.  If you get like this when your Dad's away, call him.  If you can't get him, call a hotline.  I don't know what happened to trigger this, but the sooner you get adult help the sooner you can ease down from it.  But very first thing, talk to your Dad.  

[just_peanut]

I tried lifting my mood by going out but the problem is that I've always feel like my actions are being watched all the time.