Lately, I've been feeling really terrible because I've become so frustrated with my mom. I know she is going through a hard time, but I find it so upsetting that she is doing literally nothing to help herself. I understand that it has everything to do with mental health, and lack of good mental health, but I am really struggling with her and how I'm reacting to it. Here is a little background on the matter, and any advice would be amazing.
My mom has always been interesting. Although she can and wants to be the most kind and loving person ever, her attitude and mood have been an issue within the family for as long as I can remember. I remember being a kid and almost finding my mother's mood swings comical because they often seemed ridiculous and unjustified, as terrible as that sounds. We have always had to tiptoe around her as she can be easily set off. In addition to that, she has always wanted to be very involved in her children's lives to a point of almost over-generosity, if that makes sense.
Now that I'm older, I am beginning to understand why my mom is the way that she is. She had a pretty terrible childhood. Although she "had everything" in a sense, her father was abusive, her mother, although amazing, just stood by and her sister had a sickly upbringing. My mom moved to Canada when she was young and was forced to learn English in a very forceful way and was often teased as a kid. She has never really had friends, and continues to not have friends and seems to lack very basic social skills even to this day. I know that hurt children grow into hurt adults if they haven't been helped, and I am beginning to see that a lot with her. As it stands, both her parents are dead and her sister has turned into a really awful person (they no longer have a relationship).
Over the last few years, her fears and anxieties have exploded including an intense fear of driving (she can drive, but she can not be a passenger and is finding it increasingly difficult to hop onto the highway). She seems to be fearing irrationally lately and a recent trip to the family cabin ended with everyone having to leave due to her fears. This past year, she has also had some intense physical issues come to light. She was diagnosed with extremely high cholesterol (like dangerously high) and she has had increasing issues with stomach and back, to the point where some days she can't walk.
At this point I am extremely worried, if not terrified for her. She is aware of her serious physical and mental issues but refuses to do anything about it. She has a very delusional approach to things and when she has eaten well for one day, she takes it as a means to then completely fall off the rails the next day. She hardly exercises anymore, she has never eaten well, and even with her dangerously high cholesterol she isn't making any changes. She won't take the medication the doctor prescribed because she finds it too harsh. Regarding her mental health, we have asked and begged her to seek professional help, but it's always an excuse and she often tries to find a way to turn it on us. Literally all three of her children and her husband go to therapy for one reason or another, but in her mind she feels as if we're unjustifiably trying to get her into doing nonsense.
I am s scared that her anxiety, stress and poor physical health are going to lead her into a state of no return. I am crazy worried that she will have a heart attack or stroke (my dad had a stroke 5 years ago primarily due to stress). I am worried that maybe she is suffering from some sort of depression and she has lost all hope and care for herself. It devastates me to see her like this, and I am finding it hard to cope.
I love my mom so much, but I am finding it hard to be around her. I find myself avoiding her because I can't mentally deal with her fears and problems. This past year has been straining for me too. I am currently in a "depressive state" and I am finding it too hard to muster up the energy. I feel shut off and shut down when I'm around her. I am deliberately telling her lies to try and curb her habits.
At this point, I don't know what to do. Should we be having some sort of intervention? Do we just let it slide?
My heart is breaking. Any advice would be helpful.