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Who is the dad?

Hi,

I just found out I’m pregnant. According to clear blue, I’m 2-3 weeks which translates to 4-5 weeks.

The day of my first period was 30/07. My cycles aren’t the most regular but generally come every 28-30 days.

I had sex 17/08 but he pulled out and came on me, not in. I had sex again with a separate man 22/08 (very early hours like 5am).

To add, I got the morning after on 27/08.

Who is most likely to be the dad?

I hate asking this and it is horrible but logistically I want to know. One option is so much better than the other.
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Avatar universal
Just an fyi for anyone- go to an abortion clinic if you want an ultrasound right away, they are usually free at planned parenthood if you have no insurance and they don’t do the procedure right away so you can walk in and they will measure the baby’s for you to see if you qualify for for an extraction yet. Not so much w a normal obgyn
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Hathor, women go to Planned Parenthood to see an ob/gyn, get health education, Pap smears, gynecological exams and birth-control pills. Grouping PP with "abortion clinics" and saying "they don't do the procedure right away," sounds like you're saying that is all PP does.

If a woman needs an ultrasound really quickly, she should check with her own doctor first, and then possibly with a different ob/gyn if her own doctor won't do an ultrasound until too late for it to be useful to try to determine the conception date. She can also check with a clinic (like Planned Parenthood), and also there are places whose mandate is to try to talk women out of getting abortions who provide free ultrasounds. I don't usually suggest the latter because a woman in distress over a paternity question doesn't need a speech trying to talk her out of an abortion, but some women who have written in on this site have used them to get an early ultrasound.
Avatar universal
You asked who is the more likely, and my answer is guy A. Maybe he did not pull out fast enough. ClearBlue has a neat advertising gimmick with its days of pregnancy, but hCG levels vary so dramatically that one should not use them with confidence. Your cycle suggests that 07/15 is closer to ovulation.

There are other indicators of when ovulation occurred. Female libido peaks at this time, as does vaginal discharge. If one encounter was more memorable than the other, focus on that.
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134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
When was the Clear Blue test; had you been testing for pregnancy since the 27th of August, or was it more recently?

Had you taken a morning-after pill the literal morning after sex with the second guy, still turning up pregnant could have suggested the first guy was the dad. But taking it five days after sex with the second guy wouldn't affect a pregnancy from either guy. That means its failure to have the desired effect doesn't rule anyone out.

Looking at when your period came, if you were super regular, you would have been expected to ovulate around the 13th - 15th of August. But ovulation doesn't always happen two weeks after day 1 of the last period, and especially since you aren't super regular you unfortunately can't count on that to help you narrow things down.

Clear Blue giving you a number of weeks is merely telling you that the amount of hCG it detected in your urine was in line with 2-3 weeks since conception of the average pregnancy. This isn't going to be definitive for you, it's just based on the average hCG level of a lot of women. HCG varies a lot, not only in the weeks of pregnancy but even during the same day.

Your best bet right now is to get in immediately to see an ob/gyn and get an ultrasound, this week or next week at the latest. You'd have to hustle to find a doc who will do an ultrasound this early, but it matters because ultrasounds are only helpful for dating conception quite early in the pregnancy, and it would also be asking a lot of an ultrasound to try to help you determine the dad when it's only a 5-day difference between the men. But if an ultrasound is going to help, now is when it will. (Counting by your period, you're at 6 weeks now, not 4-5 weeks.) If you go in, ask them not to start the count of your pregnancy time period by your last period (which is the way they usually do it), tell them your cycles are irregular and you need to have the conception date figured only from the measurements of the baby. Or, to make it simpler, just tell them you can't remember when your last period came. Then they won't skew their results by typing in your last period and running everything from that date.

The reason you want an ultrasound so soon is that after not many weeks, embryos can diverge from the average growth rate, and some can grow faster and some slower than average. You want to grab this baby's size and developmental markers right now.

If you can't get in to see a doctor who will do an ultrasound at your first visit, and if you can't get in this week or the next, your next option will be to do a prenatal DNA test with Ravgen or the DDC. Since these are expensive tests, I do suggest trying the ultrasound route first. See also the FAQ's at the top of the DNA/Paternity community's threads for more info about this. Ideally, you would do a prenatal DNA test with both men.


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5 Comments
Hi,

Thank you for your reply.

The clear blue was positive as of yesterday.

I took the morning after on the fifth day, and ella one covers up to five days according to the pharmacist - but I am aware it wouldn’t have worked had I already ovulated
Morning-after pills don't interfere with ovulation, they interfere with implantation of the embryo, in a small time window after unprotected sex. The biggest chance you have to know who is the dad from the information you have right now is that the 22nd would be 'rather' late in your cycle for you to ovulate. (Except that you don't always get your period on day 28 or day 30. And though your Clear Blue didn't seem to think so.) Unfortunately there are just no absolute answers here. It takes a few days for an embryo to implant after it is created, which might also be a hint that five days after sex with the second guy was not long enough for an embryo from him to implant before the meds from the pill took hold, but that's not certain either, since if you look on the FAQs in morning-after pill inserts, they say theres's something like a 1 in 7 or 1 in 8 chance the pill just won't work. This means you can't totally take the fact that it didn't work here as proof that you were already pregnant by the first guy. I'd say you have hints and mild suggestions in the information you have, that the first guy is the dad, but get that ultrasound and get that DNA test, you don't have enough information to know for sure.
Also, had you taken other pregnancy tests up to yesterday that were negative, or was this the first test you took?
It was one of the first tests that I took, and I went to a doctors today to confirm.

The doctor more or less said there’s no way to know who the dad is until the baby is born, but I will definitely ask when I go for a scan next Monday or Tuesday what the date of conception was.

When you saw the doctor today, if you told them when your last period began, they will automatically use that date to begin the pregnancy time count. You said your last period began on July 30, they will note that date in your file and as of today will tell you that the count of "weeks" is 6 weeks, 6 days. But, since this is counted from day 1 of your last period, and not from knowing when your ovulation really was, it could be wrong since your cycles are not like clockwork. Your ovulation could be later or earlier in your month than average.

Best bet is either to tell them you don't know when your last period came (if you didn't already tell them that date), or just tell them when they do the ultrasound that you would prefer it if they didn't use the July 30 date to start the count of weeks because your cycles are irregular, and that you want them to use the baby's measurements and developmental markers only, when they to give you the estimated due date.

If you walk in and ask for the date of conception, that will confuse things. They will feel like you are asking them to guarantee something that is not guaranteeable. What you are after from them is just an estimated due date. But you want that e.d.d. to be based on the ultrasound only, not on assumptions based on your last period.

Once you have the estimated due date from them and if you are totally sure it isn't based on when your last period came, take that due date home. Then either count back manually on a calendar 266 days, or put it in an online conception calculator to do that count. That will give you an estimated conception date.

As I said already, it is really tough to split the difference between unprotected sex only 5 days apart, and if the estimated conception date you get falls somewhere close to the middle, you really won't be able to tell from this who might be the dad. But maybe you will get lucky and it will point to one guy more clearly than the other.

And your doctor is wrong if he tells you that there is no way to know who the dad is until the baby is born. You can get a prenatal DNA test, if you can cough up the big bucks for the test. You will know within a week of the blood draw and the guys' doing swabs.
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