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346355 tn?1219854947

Graves Disease is ripping my marriage apart

Hello,

My wife was diagnosed with Grave's Disease over two years ago, and I've watched her slip gradually since long before then, which leads me to assume that she had the disease and was undiagnosed for some time. She hasn't been able to get insurance, and we are currently waiting for approval so that she can seek treatment.

I am well aware of the emotional effects of this terrible disease, and it has literally pushed our 17-year relationship to the brink. I hardly recognize this woman anymore. She cannot focus, she suffers mood swings, she lashes out, she is very distant, she has become detached, has no libido whatsoever, acts irrationally and I cannot even talk to her. She will not be bothered with even simple problems that we face. I watched it become worse over time, so much so that I suffered a nervous breakdown this year. It is very difficult to watch the person you love slip away like this.

It took me six months to reach her and convince her that it was this disease that was largely responsible for our marriage difficulties, and not me. She is so irrational, that she is ready to throw away a 14-year marriage, and leave with no place to go and no money. She was ready to take the kids and move 5 hours away to her mother's. I've watched her make bad descision after bad descision, and become completely self absorbed.

Does anyone know of any alternative remedies that we can try while we are waiting to seek an endocrinologist? Has anyone else suffered these types of symptoms, and if so, do you have any advice on how to handle this situation. I am truly at my wits end, and I am a very patient man; it's just that this has become so difficult to deal with. I haven't found any support groups in my area (central NY) but my wife has finally become willing to come to see my counsellor with me.

My poor wife is tired all of the time, and she gets sick so often, I assume because her immune system is so stressed. If this went undiagnosed for too long, is there a chance of permanent mental damage? That is my greatest fear, because the sweet lady that I married is not here, and I want her back! I've been through a lot in this life, and these are unquestioningly the most difficult times I've ever had to face. If there's any advice anyone can offer, I am certainly open to it.

Thank you very much. Most sincerely,
DougM

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Avatar universal
I was just diagnosed with grave's a month ago. I want to get this disease OUT OF MY LIFE as soon as possible because I have become a monster. I have been married for a year (about the same amount of time that I believe I've had graves) and I have been an absolute monster to my sweet husband. Very verbally and emotionally abusive due to the constant anxiety and depression I feel. The mood swings are unreal. I am hoping to do radiation next month. Are things going to get better?!
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Avatar universal
I live in Luxemburg with my wife and our 7 years old daughter. We've been married for over 8 years. 2 years ago she was diagnosed with GD. Reading all these stories, her bizarre and irritional behaviour over the last several years suddenly becomes clear. It's like my wife became the meanest person I know. She would attack me on little things. And would go on and on. Then would later claim she has no memories of these arguments. Someone here said their wife was like a "witch on wheels"... That is a perfect description of mine. I can't function anymore. I'm at wit's end. It's like I'm heading down a path with only one outcome: my death. I'm so depressed by all these stories, realising that even with treatment most of these symptoms go on and on... I'm planning on taking our daughter and asking for divorce.
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1 Comments
As has been noted, this is a very old thread...

Thyroid conditions can be very debilitating and as you see, and experience can tear families apart, through no real fault of the patient, unless they refuse to get treatment.  Most patients feel so poorly, they will seek treatment and with proper/adequate treatment, symptoms can be alleviated.

Is your wife getting treatment for her hyperthyroidism/Graves Disease?
What treatment(s) has she been given and is she still taking some type of treatment?
Avatar universal
Why did the doctor decide to do RAI right away?  Was antithyroid med considered?  Sometimes that is used to relieve symptoms and see if the Graves' will eventually go into remission.  

If you do go through the RAI or a TT, then you become hypothyroid, with a whole new set of issues.  The main issue is finding a good thyroid doctor.  By that I mean one that will treat clinically by testing and adjusting the biologically active thyroid hormones, Free T4 and Free T3, as needed to relieve symptoms, without being influenced by resultant TSH levels.  Symptom relief should be all important, not just test results.  I mention this because most doctors have been trained to dose a hypo patient just enough to get the TSH back within range.  That does not work for most people.  You can get some good insight about this from the following link.  I know you probably are not very interested in anything other than hyperthyroidism at present, but I highly suggest that you read at least the first two pages and then keep the link for future reference.  You can use it to also question your doctor about how he treats hypothyroidism, and make sure you are adequately treated.  

http://www.thyroiduk.org.uk/tuk/TUK_PDFs/diagnosis_and_treatment_of_hypothyroidism_issue_1.pdf
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1 Comments
I too went 2 years till my husband got so worried, finally, he took me to my doctor himself. My doctor blamed my severe symptoms that had steadily worsened, on stress!!!! In my mind????!!!!!!Thankfully another doctor was on call since we didn't have appt set up, and he instantly caught it and sent me to NOLA STAT. The endo dr there said I was in a thyroid storm and that I had the highest level he'd ever seen. He didn't think I'd have lived much longer without help. My heart was beat, at rest, was 170 or do bpm!!! I was always shaking and almost always dripping in sweat. Lost alot of weight and had no energy tho it didn't , or I couldn't  let it, slow me much. So it was in my mind???!!! I took care of my 2 and 5 yr old boys alone. Lost my job as a secretary and ended up on disability!! I also was having psychotic episodes so bad I was given ECT treatments that forever effected my memory. I started cleaning houses so we'd have close to same money coming in which was sooo hard to do. I was put on propollonol(sp??) to slow my heart for 6 mths (I still have bad memory about details of some of it all)  before they could kill thyroid or it would kill me if they tried. I was far too sick. *********For the husband asking what he could do to help his wife while she waits....don't let her wait!!! Sell everything!! Get a loan to get her well!!! Or she won't be moving anywhere but her next life!!! I don't mean to sound harsh,  but I feel awful for her because I know too well! And I know personally and so did anyone who knew me b4 this mess, that my personality is way different...still .. 16 years later. I've had so many health issues since. Bone and teeth problems. Heart and mood problems. My endo dr told me to eat shrimp or anything w iodine while I waited for radiation iodine to kill thyroid.  So have her get as much iodine in her as she can tolerate,  but get her on meds if she needs it to slow her heart. I hope it's not already too late cause I didn't even look at ur date u wrote in. And I went back once already  and lost all I typed,  so I can just hope it's recent. And the longer she waits,  the more issues and worse issues she will have. Probably for her lifetime. If we didn't have insurance, my now ex would for sure have been raising our boys alone! He could not have! He barely helped as it was!! He Only showed up to games or parties or school award day. I always did the hard parts. Even at my sickest. I tried so hard to not let it effect them but really??!!!!!!  It had to  ut could have been worse. Tell ur wife to fight it. Walk even tho she feels like she has to force each step. There are children involved!! A marriage. It hurt my already damaged marriage. It mostly just hurried up what needed to happen anyway. I hate to say it but that's true. I think how close my parents came to losing their daughter...   also, 2 of my brothers I took care of, who so sadly have both passed away since ( one had a brain aneurysm at  just 38 and other COPD at 51 yrs old) would have not had me to help them. And my poor parents would have lost 3 children!!! Instead of 2!!! I bet they would all be saying 'sale all we have !!! I want my mom/sister/daughter back ' . I would give it all to have my brothers back. And mine was so preventable. Plz help ur wife anyway it takes... have the entire family pitch in to help. She may be wondering why nobody 'seems' to care more and help get out of this living horror!!! I did!!!!
Avatar universal
My husband is now where you were then....it isn't HIM that has a problem--it's ME...even though they are taking his thyroid out tomorrow!!!
It IS the spouse that takes the burnt of the situation. At least in my own case...
~Beau
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Avatar universal
Is anyone here? I need help please.
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9390143 tn?1403494826
   Hello every one i am a German citizen but with my family here i Canada, i had some problems in my marriage because thought i keep some secrets from him before we get married and i was unable to get pregnant because my husband hate it to sex with me that again develop to my filter problem but before we get married he so much love me and i love him as much so i decide to search for a solution on  marriage site and from friends and i find so many spiritual doctors then i contacted three of them one after the other but they all disappointed me till my family seeks for divorce and he happily divorce me because he already find another lady. so while i was alone with pains i still look for solution every where till a meet with a friend of mine that just came from Germany then she direct me to this site where i read about great ***@**** on how he solve marriage, relationships, family , healing and so many testimony about him then me and my friend decide to contact despite i he told me about the materials that i must provide i just have to do all that he told me because of what other persons said about him. three days after we have done all he ask me to do, he said he have done everything i did not know how it will work because i could even contact my husband again he already block but i was so sup-rice Hashberg call our home line to ask of me. well we are happily married now with one kids but expecting another one soon. My dear contact ***@**** if you have any problem that give you pain. contact ***@**** today he is helpful and excellent
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Avatar universal
My now-ex-wife was diagnosed with hypo in May 2012. It was around that time she had changed jobs (probably because of inattention) and became distant and withdrawn. I thought it was because of stress from the new job, but she would not talk about it.
She accused me of having an affair, which I never did or would have. She had copies of bank records sent to her father; opened her own single bank account and was not contributing anything to our joint account for bills.
By this time is July 2012 and while she had been on Armour (60 mg) for more than a month, her behavior on grew more bizarre; taking up company with a guy at work, shuffling him places because he had no vehicle, staying out with him all night (he's supposedly gay), picking fights over nothing.
At this time all I knew was that hypo was about low iodine and it was treatable. I never related the actions to the other manifestations of hypo.
More and more aberrant behavior which led to us separating for three days before Christmas 2012.
She had me arrested claiming abuse, of which there was none.
After spending Christmas in jail and her screaming she wanted a divorce, we went through a terrible 2013 apart waiting for the judgement.
Even though she was diagnosed a year before, she at a pinnacle of pills in May 2013 on three antidepressants, 1 -anxiety and 1 -psychotic; and I heard even more about her behavior with other men and disassociating from former friends.
Not knowing what in the world had happened, I started researching hypo and was absolutely shocked and terrified of all the ramifications.
Thinking back, she was manifesting all the classic initial signs four years earlier. In those four years she had asthma, hives, rosacea, hair thinning, constipation, GERD, osteoporosis, arthritis, fatigue, irritability, depression, anxiety, premenopause, anemia, chronic pain, TMJ, dry/gritty eyes, high blood sugar, indigestion, high cholesterol, bad snoring, unexplained weight gain, cold intolerance and really irregular menstrual cycles.
In the last two years she's had 4 jobs, three of which have been in the last 5 months, threatened suicide at least three times, and had her father threaten to institutionalize her at least temporarily. In the last year she's been through 5 roommates, all of whom I understand 'couldn't take living with her.'
She had never gone back to the dr after the initial diagnosis and was still on 60 mg Armour a year later along with the other pills.
We've spoken only one time in more than a year and after I tried to tell her about all her past symptoms and they are reflected hypo, especially the mental aspects and no change in her dosage, she refused to her it -- that was only last week.
During the spring of 2012, I began to lose the beloved wife I knew as she shrunk into the abyss of hypo, and I didn't know why until it was too late.
I have cried and cried, been frustrated beyond belief for a year now having thought low iodine was no big deal. It truly is big deal that can in a very short amount of time turn your life completely upside down.
Very insidious, heart-breaking disease for all those involved.
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Avatar universal
I almost cried when I read this post.  Have been dealing with this for a year, and am currently going through a divorce.  She refuses to believe it is the disease and won't even take her medication.  I fear for her and our children.
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Avatar universal
My husband of 16 years was diagnosed last month with hyperthyroidism and I believe he started showing symptoms 2 years ago.  Hand tremors, and facial twitches.  He has had a total personality change.  Displays complete narcissistic characteristics and is prone to irrational fits of anger over exaggerated or fictitious events.  Blames me for everything including making him mad.  Has delusions that I have had an emotional affair.  Accuses me of being angry all the time.  He has no remorse or empathy.   And only months after some outrageous behavior he might admit that he could see how that might hurt me, BUT he felt...so it was OK.  Asking him simple questions like what time will you be home for dinner has spiraled him into fits of rage and he blames me for not talking to him right.  I don't know if he is a narcissist and the stress emotionally caused the graves or these mental issues is displaying is cause by the graves.  He does seem to be able to control himself at work and with strangers however with me he projects all his emotional problems.  Lately he likes to characterize as cowardly or scared.  I attempted to discuss with him some that some of the irrational behavior and delusion beliefs may be caused by his Graves disease.  He refuses to acknowledge he has any problem at all.  I’m at my wits end.  I so want him to say yes that was crazy….I’m sorry.   But instead he accuses me of being mentally and physical abusive.   He will get tested again in a couple weeks but won’t see a doctor again until next year.   Can anyone give me any hope that this can get any better in any reasonable amount of time.  I love him but he’s not there anymore…and I don’t think I can do another 2 years of this.   Are there any stories of someone who got their numbers in check and made a mental recovery?
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Avatar universal
Also experiencing the horrors of a spouse with Graves Disease... Will lift a prayer for you Georgies.  
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Avatar universal
Greetings. i know this is an old post but it its home as to where I am right not with my wife of ten years who i have loved adored and supported went on vacation to the USA and is filing for divorce and has broken all sorts of things she and i agreed to where our two kids were concerned. My wife is a beautiful woman 31 and  was diagnosed after the birth of our daughter 7 years ago. Reading these posts has confirmed to me again that her refusal to accept that her illness can have anything to do with anything she has done or said and felt and forgotten over these 7 years, has to be due to her Graves and now I am here in tumoil and pain caus she wants nothing to do with me and has taken the kids. I am asking for HELP from anyone who can point me in the right direction as I am praying and trusting God to work it out for our familys sake....but with all the irrational decisions and disregard or care for me or what she is doing and seeing her slip away from me over the last year or so has lead her to this and she refuses to even admit to a possibilty that her illness has anything to do with it because she takes her meds which is carbimoazole. I am now going to fight for my marriage and my wifes health by putting God and The Bible and His commands first, and then her thyroid condition to @ least give us six months of therapy and counselling and pray that within that time she can meet me half way and keep our God Given Family together. There is so much more, but I am trying to trust God. Is there any group or counseller I can find in Brooklyn, NY or someone who can try reaching out to her as she doesn't wanna talk to me about anything but the kids right now and not us. She is a good person with great character and very smart and I know once she acknowledges her issue, she will rise above all this cruel stuff she is doing. Someone help me please but more so everyone please say a prayer for our family...Please!!
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Avatar universal
Hi I'm 24 with a pretty serious case of Grave's.  After the 1st year of treatment wasn't much help, my mother made me go to a certified Naturalist and she recommended TS-II and kelp pills.  Not sure if it helped too much but my constant pain did subside.
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Avatar universal
my wife was diagnosed with graves disease 6 months ago.her latest lab results  came back and the medication she has been on is not working at all.her doctor said she has has her last option to get surgery and have her thyroid removed.she is in total deniel about her condition.she really doesn't understand the serious complications this disease can cause.im now waiting on her decision whether or not she's gonna get the surgery.it has been the worst 2 months of our marriage and it's falling apart.she has become so quite and distant with me I did not know why.i finally asked her what is going on with you.she replied she no longer loves me and has no feelings at all.we are on a verge of a divorce but I truly know that it's the graves that's causing her to feel the way she does about me.im alone and don't know what to do.we have a 1 year old son to top it off.im doing everything in my power to save our marriage regardless the way she feels bout me.this is not the beautiful caring most loving person I ever met before.she was so in love with me I really can't understand how u can just stoop having feelings for someone just like that.this illness is taking over her life.i just want her to make the right decision and start thinking clearly again and be the old wife she used to be.i never cried so much in my life.please if anyone has any advice for me that they can share.thank you all..
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2062295 tn?1330875878
I will let you know my bloodwork this week. I have to go back to my dr this week. I was off my Levothyroxine for a few months and trying to get back on everything. My husband still does not understand me or my moods, and has resorted to calling me a crazy ***** and an insane person that is laming my disease on everything. I am making him come to the dr with me in hopes that he will be able to tell my hsuband what ot expect and hwo to deal with me. Does anyone have any advice for me that might help with my mood and so that I am not lashing out for no apparant reason sometimes? I really feel like my marriage is going to end if things are not straightened out.
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Avatar universal
Hi,
I had some postings earlier. How can I change my attitude to support my wife? I am a passive person but sometimes I lose it and we go into very heated arguments. Yes, it's not helping if I am like that, but I am also a human with a temperament and it's a helpless feeling....
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649848 tn?1534633700
COMMUNITY LEADER
This is a very old thread and to my knowledge none of the previous posters are still around, except for gimel, who was trying to help......
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Avatar universal
Your wife, hate using words incorrectly.  
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Avatar universal
How are you doing now?  I am 6.5 years out from Papillary Stage I, no recurrences, one huge dose of RAI and 3 small ones.  Still feel like a truck hit me.  :)
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Avatar universal
I say this with respect, but your attitude needs to change.  I am also like your wife, and my husband immersed himself and learning about this issue, and that our lives will never be the same.  

Dear Doug......I am not bashing you, but so many of my "Thyroid Cancer Sisters" have husbands like you, some walk out because they can't take it.  Please don't be one of those if you truly love your wife.

If you doubt your love for her, the best thing you can do for both of you is get out so that she can hopefully one day find someone empathetic enough to realize they have to change too.

I wish you the best of luck, even though this post if 5 years old.  Hope you've stepped up to bat and learned to support you're wife.  

No one hates our behavior and feelings more than we do.
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Avatar universal
Hello
Spent all day in bed yesterday - so no contact with the world!

Dr agreed for me to have blood test for Free T3 and Free T4.  She did not want to commit herself to commenting on thyroid issues - have to wait to see specialist.

I began my course of anti-depressants yesterday and have some Valium if things get difficult whilst they are kicking in.

Feel so tired, unmotivated and wonder what will happen next.
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Avatar universal
I fully understand the difficulty in getting adequately tested and treated in the UK.  However, it is possible.  Note this piece of advice from a fellow UK member who was successful.

"What I have learned from my experience is that you have to go to the Dr's office and TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT and to go backed up with knowledge.  You have to tell them that you have done your reading and looked into your condition and care about the long-term treatment of your health and thyroid.  If you fight for what you want, you will eventually find someone that is happy to go along with your wishes.  But we all have to take charge of our own health, right?"

So my best suggestion is to be forceful in requesting to be tested for Free T3 and Free T4.  Tell the doctor that you also want to be treated clinically by testing and adjusting free T3 and free T4 as necessary to relieve symptoms, without being constrained by resultant tSH levels.  Take a copy of this letter to the doctor and tell him that is what you need.  

http://hormonerestoration.com/files/ThyroidPMD.pdf
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Avatar universal
HelloThank u so much for your concern and information.

I live in the UK so not sure if GP will agree to all testings, but will try.

I did have a T3 test last year, not sure if that is the free T3 but that was within normal!

I asked her before if I could be re-tested and she did agree.

I am due there in just over an hour.  THANKS AGAIN.
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Avatar universal
Your load is more than anyone should have to handle.  I'm sure that the knowledgeable and experienced members here can be of help to you.  The first thing you need to do is to be tested for the biologically active thyroid hormones, which are Free T3 and Free T4 (not the same as Total T3 and Total T4).  You can also ask to be tested for the possibility of Hashi's.  Those tests for thyroid antibodies are TPO ab and TG ab.  In addition, I would suggest testing for Vitamin D, B12, ferritin, a full iron test panel, zinc, and selenium.  If the doctor resists testing for the Free t3 and Free T4, and only wants to test for TSH, or the Totals, then you should insist on the Frees and don't take no for an answer.  

I won't get into all the reasons behind these suggestions right now because I want to make sure you see this as soon as possible, and before your appointment.  

When test results are available, please get a copy of the lab report and post test results and their reference ranges shown on the report and members will be glad to help interpret and advise further.

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Avatar universal
Hello to you and everyone!
I am on this forum for 1st time and it has given me some hope ....
MY STORY
4 years ago I was divorced after 30 years, moved away from friends and grown children, lost my job, dad died, ended up in counselling, visiting doctors frequently, on and off anti-depressants.
September 2010 re-married, v. happy - although still depression battling, on and off medication.  Had Shingles for short time - stress induced.  

2011 - GP diagnosed under-active thyroid as I had been complaining of fatigue, depression seemed worse etc. etc.  I remember crying with relief to know what seemed to be causing my problems.  

Thyroxene meds only - up and down, but still struggling with how I was feeling.  Worked for 4 mnths last year and had to leave, stress again.  Came off anti-depressants July 2011 as felt wanted to cope on own.

My dearest mummy passed away 3 September 2011.  Sent me into tailspin.  For a while blamed my state to grief and no doubt it had lots to do with it, but early this year seemed to really be getting bad.  I began to wonder what was wrong with me.  More visits to doctor and tests of thyroid levels - normal!!  Told I am menopausal and depresssed with my thyroid probs and difficult to separate issues.  My mum was also hypothyroid, but seemed ok on her meds.

Have suffered over last four years with constant anxiety - racing heart - feeling like something was wrong.

I took anxiety pills for 2 months end of Jan to March but stopped because felt not helping other than sedating and even took extra few times to make myself sleep away everything!

Meanwhile - I am losing the plot emotionally and mentally - reading up constantly on thyroid issues, my poor husband coping with a woman who has so changed - I withdraw from everyone, cant cope with friends, when really bad - do not want to speak with my children, have become at times a recluse retreating to bedroom.  We have lodgers and I have decided I dont want them around - one lady is convinced I hate her!  I am and have been an outgoing, warm and caring girl, now life feels one nightmare and I cant trust my own mind/thoughts.

2 weeks ago - saw a different doctor with my husband and told her I wanted to be referred to specialist - symptoms of my underactive thyroid present and new ones - aching hips in bed, etc.  Blood tests came back normal again for TSH etc.  However, I requested a Cholestrol test - never had one before - result. 7.6 v. high -she said not lifestyle related, I knew that as I eat ok, read up that elevation is also caused by thyroid disorder - even those mis-managed.  

TO DATE - am seeing doctor today, discussing anti-depressants again - as I am desperate to get emotions under control, whilst waiting Endo's appointment.  I will be telling her about my swallowing last few weeks, feel enlarged thyroid in throat - my mental stability even worse.  Crashing frequently - crying for hours on end and even last week, screaming at my husband, his two young teenage daughters heard me, and were so scared went home and wont come back to visit.

Attended family event yesterday, son of 21 returned home from abroad 2 years, managed to survive until evening - but then broke down sobbing and my 25 and 27 year old girls saw me as I am at home but not usually with them.  I have had 5 children, one grandson, so much to be happy about.  Divorce was traumatic and residual effects are still there for some of family, one son who is very distant - so these background thing make being ill all the more difficult.

My bed is my ZONE - I retreat there when things get bad and try to escape by sleeping.

I am just wondering if I may have this Hashmito Disorder, but know I have too get answers and treatment - feel like I am not living properly - no desire to pursue interests etc.  I am 56 on Saturday!  

Would be interested to hear from you/anyone else.

Kind regards
Beverley
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