I hate my life...

[Joystick22]

It feels like depression is getting worse and worse as time goes on. Im sick of everything my life, I get up go to work come home, maybe hang out with some friends once in a while and go to bed. I have no satisfaction, nothing to look forward to. Everything feels dull to me. I feel like i am going to go crazy or something , im so sick of it. Its not like i just want to lie in bed all day depression, i want to go out and have fun, but nothing is fun anymore. Im never ever happy.

I do have a doctors appointment booked but it us not until the very end of august but i dont know how much longer until i do something crazy. But the thing is i shouldnt hate my life, i have a good family, nice place to live, i may not be the most popular person but i do have a few friends. So why do i feel this way?

Thanks.

[Katie82123]

Medication (not mess)

[specialmom]

I guess that.  :>)  Honey, I'm so very sorry you are having such a rough time.  Have you expressed these thoughts of hopelessness recently with your therapist and doctor?  It might help to dig deeper on what is triggering this but to also look at your meds if they aren't helping and the direction of your therapy.  You CAN get better.  And I mean that from the bottom of my heart hon

[Paxiled]

Mom is right, if you're suffering this much, the meds you're on aren't the right meds.  They're not working.  And if you've been seeing your therapist for a long time and that's not working, you need a new therapist.  When something isn't working, change what you're doing.  If your docs aren't helping, get new docs.  I know this sounds simple, but I've been guilty of seeing psychologists for long periods of time that weren't helping at all.  Sometimes, if you have to rely on insurance, this is why it happens.  Most insurance has a very short roster of therapists and psychiatrists on them compared to the much larger universe of those who might work in your area, provided you live in a larger urban area.  In any place where there are a large number of relatively wealthy people, most mental health practitioners, the best ones, will not take insurance as they don't have to in order to make money.  So don't give up, there's very possibly someone better out there if the ones you're seeing aren't doing the trick.  

[Katie82123]

I feel really similarly. Last December I started to fall into a deep depression with panic attacks and I still cry every day and don't know how much more I can take. It's so bad.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I'm sorry it has been hard. What started this episode of depression? Was there an event or anything like that?  Did you seek any help in the form of therapy or talking to a doctor about it?  It is treatable and you CAN feel better!!  Talk to us . . . we WANT to help you sweetie.  hugs

[Paxiled]

I might suggest you make a new post, you might get more input that way -- this one is many years old.  Some of us have filters that alert us to new additions to old threads, but others don't.  But I'll just add two things to the great advice you've already gotten -- first, you don't say your age, but you might just have hit the age when this kind of thing tends to break out.  But because you trace it to a specific month, Mom's question about what happened in December that might have triggered this is a great question.

[Katie82123]

In December I started to question my relationship and also realized I belong in a self help group for family with alcoholism but I so started thinking I was going to hell and still deal with this daily

[Katie82123]

I have these panic attacks where I feel like I'm in hell and I'm going to be there forever as soon as I die. Then I feel hopeless. These thoughts are relentless at the middle of every day and into the night. The weekends are the worst. Then I get tired and angry from fighting so hard to cope and survive and I just hit the pillow with my fists and cry out of desperation and hopelessness.

[Katie82123]

And yes I see a therapist and take mess for depression and mood

[SadEMT]

SSRI's, SNRI's.....taken them all. Have three sorry house, high end cars, and I'm angry and pissed. I cant have kids, had bariatric surgery, plastic surgery, so I look good. But I feel ugly. My husband is very successful and I used to be until I got injured from a patient out of my ambulance. I go from pain management to the psychiatrist....nothing feels like it changes. There's been times I've doubled my meds hoping I wouldn't wake up. My husband comes home gets on his tablet and I go upstairs. I don't like anyone. Only patients in my old profession. I feel robbed of the life I worked for. Nothing is ever good enough. My boss told me the other day the reason why guys want in my pants is because of a Jewish accent and Idont have. Im not even Jewish.

[originalredhead88]

I lay awake in the middle of the night and just cry. I try to keep quiet so I don't wake anyone up. I'm 27 and I feel like my life is a whirl wind of pain, sadness, and struggle. I lost my two beautiful children in 2009. The lost triggered a life time of pain I tried to put behind me. I turned to drugs. I spent 4 years deep in addiction. I am receiving help from a psyc. dr. and on an anti-depressant and a pstd "helper". I question myself daily on why I am alive. I try to remember suicide is selfish but its something I think about all the time. I just a break from these feelings. I know im not alone on this. I wish there was words of wisdom I could give. All I can say is depression is a ticking time bomb. the more we try to ignore it the more it comes back to bite you in the ***. The more you talk about it the more you are able to release it. time was our enemy now its mine to do what I want with it. own it. its something no one can take from us.

[Docskeezer]

I know exactly how you feel. I know my life isn't bad either. There are things in my life I dont like but they are either things I can't change or they are things I am in the process of changing. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but it seems like the farther I walk toward the light it never gets any closer. I take no pleasure in anything anymore. Everything is so bland and dull. I don't know how much longer I can go on feeling this way. I wanna break free but I don't know how.

[kett]

i need advice, i've been thinking about getting back on anti depressants. I wanted to know if it is common for physicians to prescribe these drugs. I don't like psychiatrists, in my opion they are just drug dealers with a piece of paper on their wall. I've met a few and they all look like Freud with the stupid beard and condecsending look.  I was really frustrated with the last guy I went to, by the end I wanted to kick his teeth in. I ask this here because I am all alone. I get one phone call a week  from my father to see if I'm alive but thats pretty much it. I'm a little worried

[Janzi]

Please don't feel like you are not allowed to seek help or treatment due to your education and profession. There are many psychiatrists, psychologists and healers who suffer from depression and anxiety and who benefit from treatment. If anything, it would make you even more empathetic and you'd be able to speak authentically from your experiences. Your clients would be all the better off for it..

Not to mention you could be setting a hopeful example by getting through this, and being happier with your own life.

[Sparkle56]

WOW i am not glad to see this but i am glad to know that its more common than just me. I even have a masters in counseling psychology and during my internship i would counsel teens. I always wondered why am i 28 and fool like i am always going to cry and I am never happy. I thought i sounded like these sad teens. I read the advice you all gave and I never wanted meds but i may consider it now and take the advice. Considering my education and profession it was always hard for me to share that with people ... but thanks !  

[chloelicous]

ya...im right there with you except that I have everything in the world I could possible want...a house...dog...straight As at school..a long time boyfriend and I still want to die...you know its like no matter what...i will never be happy. I've tried depression drugs...they dont work..i tried street drugs...they kind of work...but what I really think is that life is bull **** and for every good thing that happenes there will be a bad one right there to kick u in the ***. Im ******* sick of it...SOrry for all the swearing.

[ILADVOCATE]

No that would never be worth it. If you have suicidal ideations of any kind its best to speak to a psychiatrist as soon as possible. We have linked up some good websites on the various anti-depressents such as "Depression Central". Its a matter of finding the right medication, talk therapist and for some people cognitive behavioral therapist. The best thing to do is to put any negative energy you have into how you plan to recover with some steps towards it. Speaking to a psychiatrist about what medication options might work is a good start.

[Jodi761]

I understand what you mean. It's not about finances or any 1 thing in particular. Lately I've been trying to just figure out how I can end it and there's only 1 way out. I've tried just about every med for depression out there and nothing seems to help. After so long I've just really had enough. I have a list of family and friends that I look at daily. This list makes me think about how my 'not being around' anymore would make each and every one of them feel. There has to be some permanent way to beat this though. If anyone knows please let me know. There's only so much a person can deal with.

[ILADVOCATE]

Only part of you feels that you hate your life. You called up an old post of people who were experiencing the same feelings so that was out of empathy. Think about it. You need help and you want to recover. That's a positive step. Think about that and we can give you supportive advice. I posted specific info. on the other thread. For more information on medications google "Depression Central".

[ILADVOCATE]

If its related to a financial crisis and you need information on medical coverage options and other benefits options I suggest your local independent living. There's one in every county of every state. Here's a link:
http://www.ilru.org/html/publications/directory/index.html

[Nicole856]

i hate my life. I think about suicide all the time. nothing makes me happy anymore. im always angry and upset. and even the smallest thing can trigger yelling or tears. This has been going on for almost a year now. my insurance wont pay for depression meds. and i cant afford them . i just feel that life is hopless and im just going on a steady road of hoplessness until i die. idk what to do anymore. i feel that im destined to live a life of pain forever.
somebody help.
-nicole

[LostandConfusedNow]

My depression is directly related to the financial crisis we are going through.  Both my husband and I are unemployed, have 2 young children and a mortgage that would choke a horse.  He is getting unemployment but that leaves 200 for the month to pay electric, phone, car payment, car insurance... etc.. did I mention my kids like to eat?  I have applied for food stamps.  I have been looking for work, but this depression has been smothering me for months on end now. All I want to do is go to sleep and not wake up

[3rdchild]

I agree with DhinAZ....You should not have to wait till the end of August to see a doctor!
At one point in my life I felt so horrible I went right to the regular doctor and actually saw the nurse practitioner.  I was very upset...it was obvious there was a problem.  She immediately started me on med's (which I had been on before).  Made a follow up appt. to see how I was doing and adviced me to call the psychiatrist (which I did, and you did).  I believe you will automatically start feeling better once you know you are getting help.  Not miraculously overnight but maybe after a few days of starting a med.  Although it does take up to 6 weeks to have the med's in your system.  
So the point is...don't wait...call you doctor right away!  (Or ER in case of emergency)
Good Luck

[robkfromphilly]

Dan, we all go through these periods in life, it's when we get out of them that make us feel better, but going on is the best thing to do. You'll feel twice as good once this period is over. I too feel that way this very moment, that everything seems to be fallen apart and that I have only myself to blame. That people I could once confide in, now seem like I am a burden to them, which may or may not be the case.

[Dan041]

I am exactly like the girl with the depression. Wanting to get out. But nothing is entertaining anymore. No one makes you happy like they used to. Im on the verge of tears every minute. I always think of suicide. I mainly say Im going to to get attention. i feel like im stuck. i feel like an inconveinence to everyone. i need help on building my self-esteem. i dont know what to do. im crying for attention but i cant find it. i cant go on anymore. help
Dan

[DHinAZ]

You feel that way because you can't help feeling otherwise.
Try not to be so hard on yourself, and take things a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time, or a minute at a time.

No, you shouldn't have to wait that long to see a doctor. I've heard that the squeaky wheel gets the oil, and that is true in the medical system.  Try and try again as Barbara said. You can call a crisis line as well. But the ER is a good solution if nothing else works, not only they could give you meds, but because you would be evaluated there, it could actually move things faster.

Just my opinion.

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

please take a deep breath, life will get better i just went through 8 weeks of anxiety and still in it , but with the help of klonopin am getting better . sometimes it takes getting meds to bring you out of it , talk to your dr , i know my baby sister has bad depression and shes taking zolof its really helping her out and life looks better to her , belive me shes had a life of hell. dont give up there is so much out there to help you , talk to family or friends or even us we are here for you .if you cant wait till aug call back tell them they need to work you in your at the end of your rope maybe they can get you in sooner or tell you of another dr who can see you faster , if that dont work go er they can give you meds to help you or a med first thats where i went . theres to much out there for you to be sad. your in my prayers . Barbara