Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

opiate addiction and marital affairs

i recently learned that my wife is addicted to lortab. she did come to me with her problem and even suggested checking into a detox center, which she is currently at. (day 2). My question is, how common are marital affairs among opiate addicts. i know that noone can relate to an addict like another addict. They understand more of what your going through than someone who is not addicted. a buddy had made a comment that started the wheels spinnig, i guess u could say. anybody got any answers. i have alot more questions, but will spread them out over time.
17 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Pain pills subdo a lot of peoples sex drives. It doesnt make you more likely to have an affair. Loratabs are cheap too so unlikely someone would be driven to prostition for them. Just ask her. I think your friend probably just has affairs on his mind but id ask the wife and say im asking bc you hid this addiction so thinking if hiding and secrets has taken my mind here.

Ive done much harder drugs than this and i have never had an affair. Same for many friends. Those of my friends who had affairs did both on and off drugs bc they were just that type i guess.
Anyway good luck,
Wish you and your marriage well.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
I just seen how old this is. I didnt realize they suggested such old threads
Avatar universal
Hello everyone.
Having an addict that is in the family spouse kids grandmothers grandfathers whatever it maybe is a rough rough ride. They will lie cheat steal do anything they can do to feed that demon when that demon wants to be fed.
Just support whoever is going through this. But most of all don't lose yourself in all of their issues as well. Just remember you're number one and that's just the way it is. Be supportive as much as you can but like I said don't lose yourself because that's easy to do.
I have so much respect for anyone that is dealing with addiction.

Sending Good Vibes and blessings.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Being married to a woman and never worrying about her loyalty and then to realize that what you thought you had in a marriage, was far from reality. You question not just if she had an affair. You question every "I love you" she ever told you, every meaningful memory  that you held close to your heart and now not knowing has you questioning your own sanity. You are not crazy and I know you are not alone when it comes to how to pick up the pieces. I have personally been on the brink of making myself crazy on what I should do. What has to happen is for you to do the last thing you would ever want to do. Trust her. You have to be willing to get hurt again to know what has happened. I wish I had better advise but I do not. The road is tough and rough and will not be a walk in the park for you two to get to a trusting, meaningful marriage that has the possibility of becoming greater than you have ever expected. Ask yourself if she is worth the trials and tribulations that lay ahead, to make sure you both heal correctly and fall in love with each other again, on a firm foundation.
Helpful - 0
3 Comments
This thread is 10 years old.
I know right. How funny. LOL
I know right. How funny. LOL but I do hope everything worked out for the good in their marriage.
795648 tn?1237252599
I never cheated either! But, if I'm gonna be honest, I will say I thought about it. And had that person approached me I probably would have. He was a dealer and for some reason (and we all know what it was, LOL) he became very attractive to me. My addiction caused me to do things I never would've done, lie to my family, steal, rip people off! I am not that kind of person, but in active addiction, I sure as he** was! I agree with everyone else, what she needs most right now is YOU, and you're support! Sounds like she has that! What you need is an outlet for your emotions and concerns, and ALANON can help. You guys hang onto each other with all your might, and you'll find your way back to each other. Good Luck! Kim
Helpful - 0
736475 tn?1281259327
i don't really understand the laying in bed all day having anything to do with the pills. not for 2 years. people who are not addicts who find out someone is one, will often make the giant leap to addict=lowlife, and lose respect for that person. maybe focus on the addiction part first, because active addicts are liars(no offense guys, you know), then hopefully honesty and clarity will follow. best of luck.   sway
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I had a friend who divorced his wife a few years ago...why?  he walked up on a van where she was servicing some guy who supplied her with meds.  Addiction is a rough ride and ppl do things that would have never considered doing.

Support is what she needs...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I understand your concern and considering the past incident, you have definitely have reason to be suspicious.  I would have to say that during her recovery, you should focus on her getting better and the two of you moving forward.  As for still keeping in contact with the other gentleman, I think it's going to take you saying "well you relate to him because he has a spouse who suffers from addictiction, but now I am that same person.  My spouse (you) have an addiction that I am coping with too and I would like to be the person you turn to and confide in going forward since it's all out on the table now.  Ask for the chance to be the support she needs.  You may not like what you hear at times because you lived the day to day (the sleeping all day, the toll it took on your marriage, resentment you may have) and you need to ask yourself do you want the truth and can you accept it?  She must have felt like this man was an escape for her because he can relate, he's been there.  Well so have you, ALNON helps with this because at these sessions while everyone is rooting for the addict everywhere else, who's cheering you on, they're for the family members who are just as affected if not worse?  When she felt bad she got to use, when you felt bad you just got to feel bad.  Where's your recovery process? It starts there.

Like the posts above, it's a feat in and of itself to facilitate daily tasks while addicted, it consumes you and leaves little room for not only the people directly involved, but for extra-curricular relationships as well.  You are a good man for standing by her, I don't believe in forgive and forget. Forgiveness is necessary for eveyone involved to start healing, but we all know we will not forget and that will make you stronger.

May you find the strength you need to heal yourself.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Tell her everyday! Tell her how much you love her and talk about the addiction. My husband is the only one I told about my pill problem. He wasn't mad,  he was concerned about me. He did ask me what I needed from him..I told him I just needed to know that he still loves me and to hold me really tight. And thats what he has done. Even when he is out of town he call me a least twice a day, just to day "How are you, I miss you and I love you"'. This has helped me sooooo much. Tomorrow will be 21 days clean for me.He is still my hero after 22 yrs. I so hope your wife and yourself will make it thru this and be better for over coming it together. Ask her what you can do to make it easier for her. Good luck.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
thanks for your input. i appoligize for talking marital issues. i really need advice on how and what i should do to support my wife being an addict. i love her and in no way am angry at her for this. i just want to be there to try and get her through this, but really dont know what to do or not to do.
Helpful - 0
601038 tn?1240252893
It depends on the relationship.  I know of people who have gotten so far in their addiction they had sexual relationships for drugs.  I also know people who would still cheat even if they wheren't addicted as well as people who would never have an affair.  I say go with what you insticts tell you.  Obviously it's an issue or you wouldn't be bringing it up.  My advice for what it's worth is to tell you wife your concerns as I'm sure she would want to know and would address the issue.  Every ones lives are different, only the two of you can work this out.  Good luck.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am sorry about your situation. I know how tough it must be. Hopefully both of you can grow together from this situation. Just let her know you are there for her and maybe share some of your own fears. Maybe it would help you to learn more about what she is going through. Do you go to church? Maybe you can talk to to someone there. That is what my husband did and it helped him. These are just some suggestions that helped me and my husband. My heart goes out to you and hope you both can move on to a better place.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
thank u for your replies. i'll try to make a very long story short. my wife was misdiognosed with lupus, and found out that all she really had was carpaltunel. she was taking pain meds for 3 yrs before we found this out. From what i have read on opiate addiction, it comes with alot of the same symptoms as lupus. Being tired all the time, no motavation, depression ect. My wife would lay in bed all day everyday and pretty much has for the past 2 yrs. As most people in my situation would probablly not understand this as i did'nt. naturally it caused marital problems. Since i was not there for her, she turned to a highschool friend which did lead to an affair. We have gotten past that. she forgave me and i her. she does still talk to him at my request not to, because his ex-wife was an addict and says he gives her alot of advise. i know my wifes mental state is weak right now, and all i want to do is try and get her through this. am i and idiot for letting her to continue conversating with this guy or not. i just dont want to do anything to push her away or cause more problems than we are already dealing with. but this is the reason for my insecurity.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
OMG you sound just like my husband after he learned of my addiction. And I do understand your reaction. It hurt to have my husband acuse me of having an affair. His thought process was if I lied to him about my addiction then maybe I could have lied to him about other things. He thought I may have had sex for money to feed my addiction. This was furtherest from the truth. From what you said, your wife came to you and told you she needed help. I think that is a big plus on her side. I know it is hard to understand but anybody can become addicted to pain medicine. You have to know that millions are struggling with this addiction. It starts out so inocently with some pain and then can spiral out of control. I was so afraid to tell my husband but I finally did. He was so angry and hurt. What really helped was when he took the time to learn and understand addiction. At first he said just stop taking it. But after he learned about addiction, it really helped. The trust issue has been hard but I know it takes time. Sorry if I am rambling, but your story sounded just like mine. Unless you have proof, do not jump to any conclusion about affairs. It really was the farthest from my mind. I am glad your wife is getting help. My husband and I have really grown closer from our experience and I know slowly he is beginning to trust me. I really wish you and your wife the best of luck.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ditto. I totally agree with avisg and bigalspal. No desire.
Helpful - 0
271872 tn?1238590391
Not me! EVER! I agree with avisg, I was always so invovled with hunting down the drugs, that I could care less about sex. Really. I've been married almost 17 yrs.
My husband always said the "pills" were my lover. He was right.
I found them, & then spent my day isolated with my "lover".
Of course affairs rarely last, huh? This has not! It's got to be over or I will die.
I'd not pay attention to your buddy unless you have solid proof, or your wife confessess.
Good luck!
Helpful - 0
210982 tn?1280983895
has something happened to make you think your wife has had an affair? what did your buddy say that made you feel insecure...if you give more info we can help out more...

Thanks
Helpful - 0
199177 tn?1490498534
Honestly most addicts are far more concerned with there drug the having affairs not to mention the drugs kind of kill the whole need for sex .I would not spend any time worrying about this .Have you looked into support for you something like alanon.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.