ughh dinner last night on sunday was awful. i ate with my best friend at my house and i was craving all these sweet breaded things when we were at the store getting stuff so of course i bought a bunch and then at dinner i just ate chocolate raisins, so many rasberry cream cheese puff pastries, a shitload of pop chips, and a littl e of this and that. and then afterward my stomach was killing me and i could not stand that over full uncomfortable feeling so under the ruse of being constipated and needing to poo i disappeared into the bathroom for who the hell knows how long and purged it all back up... minues some of the raisins dammit they were in there too long. andim sure my friend put two and two together because she knows i purge and just didnt say anything because she doesnt know what to do when im engaging with ana and mia. and then after she left what did i do? binged on all the leftover rice and the remaining cookies and then purged all that. and i was starting to get sick yesterday with a sore throat... and so of course today i feel like ****. sigh. well at least i feel so ****** i dont have any appetite! sigh.i just need to get another 10 lbs off so i can just feel a bit more comfortable day to day. ugh. ugh ugh ugh. at least ana is back and helping. thank god. she is my only refuge from the pain and loneliess. love you ana. but why did you let me eat 5 brownie bites without purging last nite? i know i was tired but **** it.