May 07, 2012
I have always had a soft spot for, well mostly animals, but it includes other things as well. When I was little, I found some black cat fireworks and would stick one in an ant hole and light it. Afterwards, I felt bad, so I would put a spoonful of sugar by the hole in an attempt to apologize. Also, on one of our weekly grocery trips it was raining, and I felt bad for the shopping carts that were left out. Since then, I have only become more sensitive, but more towards animals. Whenever someone posts a picture on Facebook of an injured or abused animal, I bawl. I try to limit myself to seeing these types of posts, but sometimes it's unavoidable. Tonight I saw a post about a dog that had been left at a local shelter that was in serious need of medical attention. She had a severe case of cherry eye ( I believe that's what they called it ) and looked as though she had been bred heavily. The shelter was asking for donations to help this poor girl out. I had to help. This kind of stuff upsets me so bad that I usually have to take a Clonazepam in order to calm down. I haven't taken one yet, but I am bawling as I am typing this. I thought maybe it might help to get my feelings out as I am not comfortable talking to others about it. They think I am just too sensitive and don't realize how it deeply hurts me and breaks my heart. My mother understands how I am, but I can't bother her every time I see a suffering animal. I don't have any other outlets to relieve my feelings to. Even though I helped, I'm still sad that animals are put through suffering as a result of bad owners. I wish I could help them all. I have wanted to help at the local shelter, but I know it would put me into a severe depression. I can't even stand seeing them in cages, even if it's for adoption. I feel horrible that I can't take them all home with me, and I feel as though I'm letting them down.