Feb 08, 2014
Tonight is a really difficult night...
It's been kinda tough for quite a while now, trying to fight the anxiety creeping up again. I've tried so many things and I know deep inside that I can cure this on my own but I decided to try taking the easy way out using psych meds...not a good idea. I should know better with how sensitive my system is. It's been two days but I feel so much worse in so many ways that I can't even really describe just how miserable I feel. Seems like a part of me is missing and has been replaced by some sort of evil energy that's killing my body. That's the best way I know how to describe it. I think I'd rather put up with that constant gut punch feeling and shaking! I know I can snap myself out of this one, I know it!! I just have to really want it bad enough and I'm pretty sure I know what I need to do, I need to remove the energy sucker. Poisonous things in my life, I know what those things are and I need to take complete control because this is MY life and in the end, I'm really all I have so I gotta treat myself with kindness. I matter! I come first and no one else in this world will ever understand exactly what I need more than I do.
Lately, the best I've been able to do is take time for myself and spend it alone with nature. Those hikes really help revive my emotional well being...yoga is huge too, I always feel excellent afterwards. Music is a must, my art is a must, daily laughter is a must, healthy eating is too! If I just dedicate myself to these things and push myself to get up out of bed every morning I just know I'll get better with time. But damn...screw this zoloft, it's sucking the life and health out of me.