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Swimming!

Apr 18, 2014 - 2 comments
Tags:

swimming

,

happy

,

free

,

contented

,

feel



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Swimming makes me feel contented, exhilarated, alive, awake, happy, free, proud, at one with myself, flying, fresh, natural.  Beanie0 :-)

'Blank'  Unable to word how I feel, but needed to express something.

Jan 16, 2014 - 0 comments
Tags:

unable

,

express

,

feeling



997984?1389867948
My Journal Entry left me a message saying 'can't be blank'.  I felt...I can't articulate how I feel, so I just put it in a picture.

I really don't know what to do.

Aug 23, 2013 - 2 comments
Tags:

question

,

Don't know what to do



From self-observation (I spend so much time on my own!) I have reached a sticky point.  I understand that I tend blow problems out of proportion, and following a break up from my partner of 16 years, I'm absolutely tormented with intrusive negative thoughts and feelings. It was made more real today, after I received a message from 'him'.  I may calm down as I understand that my emotional can be very up and down.  My question is.......or my thoughts are - At what point to I ask for official help?  I've been thinking/planning/day-dreaming about death.  I'm not well physically due to 'self-neglect' and just unhealthy behaviors, especially alcohol.  I have two friends in this world; and no partner.  I get social anxiety, but at the moment I'm wanting to escape.  I doubt if this makes any sense - 'I want to go far away somewhere in the world, on my own and die'  I am laughing now at this, cos' I'm not a cat!
I really have no idea if I need to obtain official help right now.  I say this because I'm all needy and emotional and over the top.  In a few days time I expect I'll be in a totally different state of mind.
I don't want to waste peoples time.
What to do.....?!?
Beanie0  

Doubt (sorry-I think I am needy)

Jul 26, 2013 - 0 comments
Tags:

doubt

,

disorder



Have lapsed with the following in my life :- Alcohol, Eating Disorder.  Struggling with constant intrusive thoughts mainly to do with feeling fat/flabby/ugly.  Am generally frustrated, and am full of self-doubt.  My ugly useless existence is uncomfortable right now.  Beanie0 .......Beanie is nothing :-(