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Oct 10, 2012 - 0 comments


My first thought is that someone will say something negative to this.  I struggle with this, that and the other one of which is a problem with alcohol.  Since staying with my partner and what I now call my two very special friends I have come on leaps and bounds.  Just for clarity my partner rents a room at my friends place.  What I have found is my improvement has happened through my two friends.  I have never received emotional support before from anyone apart from my Partner.  I feel extra special having love and receiving emotional support from Margaret(used a diff. name) whom is older.  I have longed for a motherly type love all my life.  At the age of 37 this may sound a bit 'Sick'.  I am not 100% happy, however my alcohol intake has greatly reduced and I haven't self-harmed so much.  Most of all though, I am getting positive thoughts and am feeling comfortable with them.  It can freak you out feeling positive when you are so used to being negative!  Love is the most important thing to me above everything.  Beanie0

Oh Dear!  :(

Aug 24, 2012 - 0 comments

Anxiety Health

Having a mainly rubbish time of it lately.  My emotion/behaviours are wrecking my health.  I feel I'm scrapping by at the moment.  My anxiety and poor sleep are the worse two things.  I'm worn out, which has made me lazy at keeping up with day to day tasks.  Even sleeping tablets haven't worked, and medication for anxiety isn't even touching the sides.  With part of the anxiety, I recognise a number of little things that I haven't got round to, or done that collectively thought about together throws me off the edge.  I do not choose my thoughts - they attack me.
Sorry I haven't made any contact with the friends I have made on here; I send you my love :)  - Beanie0 xx


Aug 18, 2011 - 1 comments




I am hurt from further acknowledged rejection from members of my family.  The only reason why I am rejected is because, in their I eyes they see a 'mentally sick person'.  I'm obviously not worth bothering about.  A brother, a sister, a step sister are all getting on very nicely without me.  How sweet.  I hate it so much.  Guess it's what I deserve.  I don't know anymore.

It's ok

Aug 16, 2011 - 2 comments

I don't know anymore.