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HIGH HO HIGH HO  A HUNTING SEASON IS COMING NEAR

Sep 18, 2010 - 3 comments

It is a Saturday and it is 8:30 A.M. for me and do have to say when I got up on this and looked out Side and here in Oregon it sure was nice to see the lite For and drizzle of rain and it smelled so good and it made you feel like it was Opening Day of Deer Season. So sorry for those of you who are not into Hunting, I myself am and I only Hunt what I'm going to eat. We don't hunt as much with such a smaller family.
The other reason I adore this weather is for one Oregon is So pretty in the Fall and Spring..and because I can remember My Dad Packing up for a week long trip with his guy friends off to Hunt.
And Oh how I use to love to look into the Garage and see that Deer hanging, Now I know this might sound kind of sick to you all, but I was a kid and it was what you did and I like to ask "WHY"....Now when we moved from the Country  to the Big City of Eugene, Oregon....lol....its not big...google it...but anyway we moved from a Ranch to a home in town and 2 and half hours from my birth place and the kids around the Neighbor hood did not  have dad''s that Deer Hunt. So guess what when I was in Grade School, I would go screaming away from the sight of seeing that dear hang....

Now Many Many Years later long after my Father had Passed away and all the High School male friends did not hunt any more and I knew NO ONE WHO DID, I meet my Now Husband and his Son and 3 of my kids are taking a class together and I am talking to him , He was just a friend then. But he tells me he is going Hunting , him and his son and a few friends our going for a week.! That was so cool to hear...

So a few Years later when my friend now husband met up again and I was getting Devora and we started hanging out on a more Friendly sort of way and he took me Hunting that Fall...The First time I had ever been Hunting.
The Next Year I have to let you know I shot my 1st and so far ONLY Deer a 3 Point..Pretty good for a GIrl...lol...Pretty good for anyone...but after having 2 cancers and having them in my Right Shoulder and I have not shoot since , I am kind of scared to have it hurt..I will be going Shooting for safety and When I do I will let you all know...Sorry if this upset some of you, I try not to tell you how to live your life and lets not tell me how to live mine.
I don't hunt for FUN OR JUST Trophy Hunting....and When I FISH, Which I HATE TO EAT I give it to someone that NEEDS it or Wants it........

Hey take care have a Great Day


GO DUCKS.......Oregon Football Team................xoxox

So You mean to tell me....

Sep 14, 2010 - 3 comments
Tags:

Addiction

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drug addiction

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Agoraphobia

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Anxiety Disorder

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Panic Disorder

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friends



So I can't drink any more? I don't have a Problem with it. I drink every few months. And Now I have read about something Called Post Acute withdrawal Syndrome? Oh my stars it is telling me that this could be the reason for all my ups and downs and the whole nine yards oh my stars I want to just yell...I'm kind of sick of what those pills did to me and then to still have pain and want a darn day free of it is the pits and Gee oh top that Off , Here in the Great State of Oregon guess what is legal for those of us who have a license  for it and I use that for pain also. I just can't do that all the time, it is not something I show my son. So there it is all out there gosh darn it, I feel like I can have no kind of fun in life or do something to take off the edge you may feel or kick back and relax....OK does this mean I have to start over? I did not get back on Pill's? Well I'm going to go and Yell at something.......Just kidding....
Thanks for reading.....
Loves Rhea

Well this is my life at this point and time

Sep 14, 2010 - 9 comments
Tags:

Agoraphobia

,

Anxiety Disorder

,

drug addiction

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Addiction

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Depression

,

Panic Disorder



Like so many people in this World our life change from time to time and if you are like me it is often. I have changed my looks and I have changed the Music I listen to and the all so many different types of People I have met and hung out with. Never really caring what others think of me or who I am with.

As I got older I noticed that I did not have the confidence that I wish I had and I let many people put me down and take it to heart. So as I got older I guess I felt that the only thing I was good at was taking care of others. Well Now I am "OLDER" myself and My children are all grown up with one last child all by himself for the next 4 years. I do spend allot of time with him, well off and on he is getting older and wants to spend time with his friends and that also makes me very happy. So I'm not upset if we don't spend as much time together as I like.

So this is my 2nd Marriage and to tell you the truth my first Husband put me threw the ringer, many of my friends felt it was him that caused me to get Anxieties and Panic and Become Agoraphobic ....but you know the panic and anxieties run in my mom's family and oh don't forget the Depression.
So I do think my x husband made it come on faster or stronger and he was of little help or not the help that I needed. So long story short is we divorced after 10 years of marriage and we had 4 children together. 2 boys and 2 girls...well the girls are the oldest and then the boys. I most add a side note, the girls came from a different dad, I know that sounds bad...but him and I had been boy friend and girl friend since I was in 6th grade and he was in 8th. We just did not work as a couple and Oops I became preg. and had a baby girl in 1984 and another in 1986 and yes he wanted to Marry but I did not and figured I got myself in this mess I would get us out...me and the girls that is...
Anyway back to it

So before my x and I split up I had met my husband I am married to now. And No we did not fool around or anything like that....We were friends with his one son and my 3 older children in a Karate Class together.
So about a year and a half after my husband and I met, I got divorced from my x husband and I had not seen my friend in a few Months and then one day I saw him....and we started dating and we have pretty much been together since.

So now to bring us up to date , Kind of..I have had Anxieties and Panic and Depression for years as I said above  I have went from  - I could not walk out the front door and could not drive or go to the Grocery store  and I could not get together with People unless I felt Super Safe around them. So if we knew each other but I did not feel that close to you then I could not do it.

So it is 20 Years Since I got that First Panic and Anxieties and the Depression came later...And now I can drive with in my safety zone and its a fair amount and if I can't get there I ask a friend to go with me or someone to drive me. I have to say that things where much better back in 2001 until Nov. when I found out I had Melanoma Skin Cancer and had to do a Year long Chemo of taking a Shot 3 times a week and pretty much kicked my A...
Then in 2009 I found Out I had Cancer again did a Year long job again and oh don't forget the 6 surgery's that I had a couple on the first one and then a couple more on the 2nd one. Well threw those two Cancer's is when I got put on Pain Pills and I got Fibro. and I still have pain to this day and I'm rebuilding my life. I have had so much Anger and so put off that my life did not turn out how I wanted it too. I guess it is safe to say feeling sorry for myself.  And at times no one seemed like they carried or that is the way it seemed to me, you see its a bad habit to get into this type of behavior and you treat people bad and you are lucky if you have any friends left by the time you wake up if you wake up from the dumb things you  have done and said.

So I have to tell you that Now Today Sept 14, 2010 I am Happy Again and I am learning how to do things over again and how to love and oh the feelings are a bit much most the time these days but I'm pretty sure that its from the Pain Medication I was on and to be free of that is so cool but I'm not free of the pain and to be honest I can take it for 4 or 5 days and then I can't so I am going to speak to the doctor about it.
But I am on the road to getting better and to learn who I am , What am I going to do??? And above all I want to Love Myself..and Forgive myself and Move on.

So this is my life at this point and time and I have to say its going pretty good,  Yes there are things that I need to work on and there are things that I have to realize and become ok with. Like its ok to be a home body its ok to be happy to be a mom.
And to take a risk sometimes and just do something off the cuff..So nope things are not set in stone and Like I said I am feeling much better. I mean my Dispersion is much better, my mood swings are still high but I do think that is from getting off the methadone....years of taking that crap has to do something to you. Heck at this point I'm thinking NA Group might help out..

But this is my life at this point and time and its not so bad...and it is coming along.
Thank You to all of you that have been a strength and given me hope and you let me go on and on...
Bless You All
Loves and Hugs Rhea    

Well for those of you who did not guess, I over did it...

Sep 11, 2010 - 2 comments
Tags:

Addiction

,

Panic Disorder

,

Anxiety Disorder

,

Agoraphobia

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house-work



Well I had to back up and slow things down...and that means I also slowed down the counseling. So I'm not having a hard time getting out any more and I still have a ton of places to go. And I got the money together a bit ago to pay someone to help me get my art room put together and there is still lots to do, but it has helped so much you have no idea. And I'm going to be so proud when its done and oh yes I have paid someone but I had to be with them because they did not know what I wanted or did not want and today (sat) I have spent the whole day up here and putting things together each thing I own is put in its place now. Sewing with sewing and the fabric is sorted by color and print and then all my writing stuff is at the desk and my lap top can come from my room to my art room and all the pens and papers and cards and such is sorted by size and color and then all the scape booking stuff is put in its place I still need to sort and then all the painting stuff is in its place but I have to fine tune that one I can see as I sit here and write what needs to move and what will work better.

Now I do have to tell everyone that my Antidepressant is working really well and I also have to say "Thank You all that helped me on post about Pain" and I am looking into a bunch of that info and I have been doing kind of ok. But I still have it and so I'm looking one into the pain patch ...can't remember the name and then I will go see the doc on the rest....So I'm taking each thing slow now...I have backed off on walking since I'm doing so much around here and my son just went back to school and I'm not into a routine yet with it...So I will be working on that and I"m still working on my mood and my out look...

Sometimes it is a ***** feeling everything too by the way and I'm also at that age when you say to yourself what do I do with the rest of my life

Well I wanted to up date everyone and thanks for reading

Loves and hugs Rhea