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Back .. I want to be healthy

Apr 22, 2011 - 1 comments

Well struggling with my HIV anxiety is over .. I am -ve I don't think about it
I still have 2 swollen nodes .. 1 under my chin the other is back my neck
Still I am sure it's not HIV related .. or hepatitis or another STD
I will just leave it alone as I 've been doing for the last couple of months

Now .. I want to focus on important aspects of my life .. weight loss .. cutting down smoking .. exercising .. eating healthy .. and be successful

My second chance

Dec 31, 2010 - 0 comments

I have been granted a second chance. I know i have.
I didn't sleep with prostitutes again when i was out of country.
I am going to a new work for which i will be tested again for HIV. I know i have not infected from that cursed night. But still, i am anxious.
I am going to my therapist on jan 17.
Can i get infected from the first time I got tested?
The clinic was for refugees who test for hiv.
The doctor took blood from my thumbs using a tool that pinches my skin with a small needle.
I dont remember if he used a new one. Sometimes i am anxious if he used it after testing for an hiv pos person. I guess doctors know better. I hope they do.
I know i was not infected from the sexual encointer. And wish i wasn't infected from testing for hiv. Negative, going to a new job. This is how I want to be by 31 jan.
Happy new year.

Relating everything to my encounter

Nov 14, 2010 - 2 comments

Scratching my penis, very sensitive head, blood and clear fluids came out.
Can be from heat as this day I took a plane back to my country and stayed with the same clothes for 15 hours.
OR it could be herpes, but it doesn't sound like herpes no sores no big bumps
just cluster of small blisters on the head ring of the penis.
What is this??
I know that I am not mentaly stable after all the stress I was in.
But damn it, every time I get a sore throat, check my still swollen lymph nodes, I get a little depressed.
HIV is behind my back.
What is it .. cannot totaly let go till now.
I even thought of going to London for a full STD check up at freedomhealth but I am not settled in my country to get a Visa.
and now this blood from penis .. I need therapy .. I know .. I also need a full STD check up to let this go.

Enough

Sep 27, 2010 - 1 comments

That's enough.

Single possible exposure + Condom for vaginal penetration + 9.5 weeks negative is enough for me.

I am hopeful again and I will not let what ifs play games with my mind.