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Well here I am....on pills again, 1 pill left, then will be off and struggling until I get more or stop this madness

Oct 02, 2011 - 3 comments
Tags:

pills

,

struggling

,

Addiction



I'm going to look into NA this week. Maybe it will help to listen to others.
I'm sure this town is full of them as it is full of addicts.
I question whether I really want to stop. Maybe I haven't hit rock bottom? Maybe I am making myself believe its not that much of a problem because I don't take that many? I dont know. I'm lost and lonely with this....no one to talk  to about it....

Here I am again.....been off Vicodin for 8 days

Sep 10, 2011 - 2 comments
Tags:

Vicodin

,

Addiction

,

detoxing



I ran out and haven't been able to get more. Have taken all my anxiety meds to help cope. It's an endless cycle. I hate this. I hate myself. I just take them to feel the numbing euphoria it brings. I wish I had a swimming pool filled with them I would dive in head first mouth open!! I want to quit and I don't at the same time. My brain is messed up....

Feeling horrible

Aug 07, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

withdrawals

,

Vicodin



I stopped taking Vicodin about 5 days ago and its been hell. I'm angry and wanting to claw through the walls literally to get some. I hate this feeling. Only time I feel ok is when I sleep.

Dr appt

Jun 02, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

depressed



Went to see my psychiatrist. Same thing. I told him lately I've been worse. More depressed. Got my med refills. He told me to "get out more", exercise, eat better, be social.....

(which i did not tell him....had lead me to abusing pain killers again----- I feel equally depressed but now I have something thatI look forward to that numbs me and gives me a euphoric feeling...pain killers.)