Jan 24, 2012
Haven't written anything in a while and thought it time. I have started PT and I can see it helping. I actually look forward to PT days now! Waiting for Avonex nurse to find the time to come and teach me how to inject myself, hopefully soon.
Those in my life who know are supportive but sometimes do not understand where I am coming from. Bared my soul to a very good friend and she got irritated with me. I know that no one knows where this disease will take me. It may never progress, it may progress in small increments, I could have a relapse tomorrow - only the MS itself knows. But I have to be realistic about life and my choices and while I remain positive, I have to plan for a life when I cannot work 7 days a week or support my mortgage and home. And friends get mad when i say these things. There are times when I wish for a simpler life, one where I could enjoy the mobility I have and do things and not have to work all the time. Part of me wants to give the house up now and move to a simpler place where I could and I know this sounds corny but take time to smell the roses!
I have spent the past two years basically working and not enjoying the life that I have. I have access to a pool all summer and spent a grand total of 5 hours there last summer That is sad! Gardening, Christmas, decorating my home are all chores where they once were things I enjoyed because I have to squeeze them in and plan for them around my work schedule. There are times when I say to myself this is no way to live. Then I look at the home that I love and so painstakingly decorated, choosing each item carefully and do not want to walk away from it. That and the money I have spent that I will never recoup due to housing market, So I push on and do what I have to every day to make those mortgage payments and pay those bills. Sometimes with smile but usually not. I fight because I guess this is one more thing that I will not allow MS to take from me. It has already taken so much I won't allow her to take everything!!!