Jun 22, 2014
I'm just getting by from day to day or it's getting my by pills and pills...
I'm finding that I am good at one thing and that is sabotaging my own recovery and continuing my addiction which is spiralling down down and out of control.
I don't feel like I have any hope any more I felt like I have failed at getting clean soo many times that this is the only thing I'm good at.. failing :(...
I need to get clean, I want it all to stop, I'm getting sicker more often and as zoo many people have said, I'm zoo sick and tired of being sick and tired..
But complying about it isn't going to get me anywhere, just need to write this out.
I need to taper down then stop, I getting my calendar out and writing down how I'm going to do this, I'm getting some clonidine, melatonin (it's no avail OTC here in Australia) and some to help me sleep for a week.
So going to schedule it and write it down and actual do it, as my life, my job, my relationship and my EVERYTHING is depending on me going clean and staying clean...
...... Why can't I do this, ...GOTTTTTTA to do this.... Lets do this, otherwise my bottom/ low point will be me ending up on my death bed soon wish I had stopped using so much sooner or dead, as simple as that... This life I have chosen has a short expire date..