Nov 28, 2014
Oh God MH. Yesterday I saw in full technicolor the ravages of addiction. My aunt (my mom's sister) is a RAGING alcoholic, and I mean raging. She carries a bottle of vodka in her purse at all times and I've seen her pass out drunk at 10 am on more than one occasion. It has always been extremely upsetting to me and my family. When I moved back home 7 years ago, so did she. She'd been kicked out by her alcoholic husband and left her 13 year old daughter and moved across the country to live with my Gramma. They have an incredibly dysfunctional relationship. My gramma totally enables her and it makes me and my mom and dad crazy. My gramma is nearly 90 years old and my aunt Deb lives off of her. She's been fired from 6 jobs in 3 years. She goes out all night and comes home wasted. She is 61 years old. I've been trying to get someone to do something about it for years. I have suggested interventions, I have arranged them. Everyone bails at the last minute. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the comment "Oh Deb is doing much better. She hasn't had a drink for a week".
You can imagine how crazy this makes me feel.
A year ago I stopped going to all family functions including Sunday dinners if she was there. She is an incredibly obnoxious drunk. She talks over top of everyone and spouts B.S. She is incredibly embarrassing. I had to ask her to stop coming to my work functions and shows. I told her she wasn't welcome as long as she was drinking. She is and always will be, in denial.
Well. A month ago my mom told me she'd been having grand mal seizures. Apparently, she'd had two in the early part of October. The last one she almost bit off her tongue. She refused to see a doctor and NO ONE pushed her to do so. My gramma didn't even call an ambulance when she had one infront of her. She merely continued to watch TV. When I heard about this, I confronted Deb and do you know what her answer was?
"Oh, it's because I drank beer. Gramma and I have discovered that beer doesn't agree with me."
I was like ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME?????
I told her she needed help or she was going to die. She ignored me so I walked away.
Then, yesterday my mom was supposed to come and take me to my doctor's appointment. It's about a 45 minute drive away and I was in too much pain to drive alone. She called me ten minutes before she was supposed to pick me up and was hysterical. She was at the store she manages. My aunt was having a seizure. They were taking her by ambulance to the hospital.
I drove to my appointment alone. I am embarrassed to say that I was kind of hoping she would die. I just HATE what she's done to my family and what she will continue to do.
After my appointment I went to the hospital. She was awake but confused. But my mom....Oh god. My mom was destroyed. Apparently the seizure was so violent that they almost lost her in the ambulance and had to call in a second set of paramedics. She turned black. Blood flew everywhere. My mom was so traumatized.
The seizures have happened because Deb quit drinking vodka. She still drinks beer, wine, and ciders, but she quit drinking vodka because my Gramma told her she had to. I mean SERIOUSLY????
So, she's gone to medical detox. I had a moment alone with her and I said "See, do you understand now what you're doing to yourself?"
"I don't think it's that, because I never get drunk"
I seriously almost smacked her.
"Yeah, you don't get drunk because you have TOLERANCE AND YOU ARE ALWAYS DRUNK"
I told her it wasn't going to be enough for her to go to detox. She would have to work a program after. And if she ever had a drink again, she could die. She just looked at me. I got my mom together and we left.
My gramma is in denial still. Even after listening to me talk about the truths of addiction for half an hour, give statistics, and suggestions for rehab clinics she did not react. She said that Deb was going to be fine.
My mom won't push her.
So here I am. I guess you can tell I am very angry. I have been crying for two days.
I am so upset at what she's done to my family.
And you know I'm an addict. And I know when I look in another addict's eyes whether they are willing to do what it takes to get clean.
She is not,
She is not even humbled by almost dying in an ambulance.
She enjoyed the attention.
I told my mom last night that I am done. I will not engage with her in any way. I will not have Christmas with her, or go to any family functions. I won't be apart of this enabling.
Am I being too harsh? All i know is that I've never been so angry, and the truth is- I don't really care about her. But i HATE what she's doing to the people that I love the most. Yes I know she is sick. And this is pretty awful that I can't find compassion for her. Because how different are we really?
I never did anything to hurt anyone with my addiction. the only person I hurt was myself. And as soon as I saw that it was having an affect on the people I loved, I did what I had to do to get the help that I needed.
I am angry at myself for being angry,
I have to go to work now..