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Dec 09, 2013 - 1 comments

my little ones turn 1 tomorrow. I remember last year at this time...I wasnt even in labor yet, not true labor. Now they are little people, full of personality. Casey loves his books and is more quiet and cautious than his sister. He studies how drawers and door function, and is enjoying the large legos set we bought him. Tonight (we swear) he said "all done" when finished with his diner. Ana is my buddy these days. She is saucy and not at all cautious. She is always in my lap and says a lot - she is very much the talker. And, she is so sweet, but slightly defiant too. We agree that we are going to be in trouble one day.
While we had much trouble the first round and are in no way financial stable enough to consider a 3rd child realistically, reflection of this night last year makes me miss the pregnancy and birthing journey. What an exciting time that was. I hope that my children stay healthy, and I have been so blessed. Perhaps in another couple of years we will try again, but without fertility treatment and lots of Maca powder.  


Nov 18, 2013 - 3 comments

I know no one reads these things. I know I can't post what I am about to write on FB, or any other source that may possibly be linked to my colleagues, but feel the need to vent. To get it out. All the frustration, annoyance and low sense of self-worth that I feel on a daily bases due to my masochistic urge to obtain a f&^&*@ doctorate degree. I am stuck in a suck-fest of political ******** and repression. For what?

I am exhausted, under-appreciated and broke, with one-year old twins. My husband is now employed and, while he is busy, I still am the one who has to get on my hands-and-knees to clean the floors in the kitchen and bathrooms, and then work on psycho-educational reports for a boss who suggest I take medication for being a scatterbrain. Typo's, um, yep. Missing deadlines...sounds par for the course. I really don't want to apologize for my academic performance.

Where are these women who have help? Women who have friends offer to come over and do the dishes? Or women whose mother's don't disappear for two months after their children are born, who dont even call after theyve been  re-hospitalized for a massive infection. Do they exist? Are they as rare as the elusive unicorn? Or, is there something wrong with me? It IS just me and my husband. Granted, we are being help financially for part of our expenses so that helps tremendously, but I think my ex got it right - have a ton of friends, drink beer, chain-smoke and do what ever the hell it is that makes you happy. That sounds really good right now.

I am always bitching at my husband. I am mean to him. Granted he nags at me, all the time. But, I am never happy, and I am always tired. I hate grad school. The sheer irony is that I am in the field of psychology so you would think that I would have the tools to help myself feel better. However, while I love my children, being a homemaker is significantly harder. Truly, it is. I was happy to go back to school, but this year (my final academic year) has been much harder than the previous ones. And, don't tell me it's the kids. They add a component, yes, but really they are the reason I dont quit...because I cant tell them to complete something when I, myself, was not successful. Urgh. Please, I need this to be over with soon!

random...babies are 7 months

Jul 26, 2013 - 2 comments

Insomnia has kicked on again. I am exhausted. And, school will be starting in a month from now, which is both thrilling and terrifying - just thinking about is keeping me up. We bought a new car, a Toyota Highlander last week, as the Prius was way too small for the family.
The babies are getting so big. At 7 months, they both weigh in at 19 1/2 pounds. Ana is amazing and so self-contained. She loved her first book reading at the library. She has never been around other babies of similar ages. Following suit of the larger, more mobile babies Ana muscled her way to the center of the mat to get a toy she wanted. Casey was more reserved than Ana, but warmed up after playtime was over. He watched two of the larger boys, who had just begun to walk. And, he then tried to crawl on one.
Casey has been moving around the house at fierce speeds and will find anything to put in his mouth that he is not child friendly - he has a knack for this. He crawls on Ana, which we are trying to stop because she absolutely hates it. He is working on pulling himself up, and has just begun to sit upright. He is so proud of himself when he stands on something other than us. Yesterday, he held onto one of my fingers, but just barely. He tried to let go because he wanted to stand by himself. He has already made it out the front door and into the dirt. He is my sweetiepie and I love watching this rapid development.
Ana is incredibly bright. Although not as mobile as Casey, she very intent on developing her problem-solving skills and reading abilities. LOL. She loves books, especially these little Einstein books given to us at our baby shower. She has recently become bored with her beloved Moby ****, an 'ocean primer,' which somewhat saddens me. Her eyes no longer light up when she sees it and I miss this:(  Sometimes I think she doesnt belong to us, and that she is this old, wise being that has come back to relive life. I can't really explain this or why I feel this way. Anyone else have something similar to this with their child? It's wonderful, but so strange.
I may have found a daycare for then, one that is bilingual. I am so excited by this because I think it's so important for the new generations to speak other languages. Certainly Spanish. Perhaps Mandarin. I also found a studio that teaches children between the ages of 2 -6  dance/music. They are a little young, but I am looking forward to seeing their talents and interests emerge. I used to only love newborns. When I was pregnant, I would fantasize about the first couple months only, but I now realize that newborns just don't have that 'wow factor' that older babies and young children have.

5 months

May 06, 2013 - 0 comments

month update

Ana weighs 15 ½ pounds now, almost tripling her weight since birth. She is a very sweet, wonderful girl who loves her mom. She is not yet ready for food, but we’ve been giving her rice cereal here and there, and an ounce of juice occasionally for regularity. We are still breastfeeding for the most part. She sleeps through the night, and cries only when something is wrong, most often when she is tired. She can now sit up with minimal support, has strong neck strength and likes tummy time. Rolling over has not been mastered yet, but she can rolls in each direction and is using stable objects around her to pull herself onto her side/belly. Ana used to buttscoot, but has since stopped. One thing that concerns me is that she scratches at her head - because she has this incessant need to scratch as things - and is developing these scabs…urgh. She also likes to scratch me, her playmat and her mattress. But, she is very cute when she sleeps with her hands behind her head. Her bottom two teeth are now growing in and she drools excessively, so much so that she has developed an angry chin rash that I absolutely hate. I have been treating it with white petroleum jelly and almond oil. Overall, she is this cautious, but loving and wonderful baby who makes all other babies look incredibly high-maintenance. LOL. Her smile and bubble blowing melts me.

Casey weighs nearly 16 pounds and has become super healthy. His appetite is voracious, much to the dismay of my poor boobs and his spoon. We fed him apples this morning. Casey is much higher maintenance than Ana and he tires me out. He wakes up almost every two hours for nightly feedings, is in the process of cutting two more teeth (in addition to the two front bottom teeth) and constantly needs attention/affection. He slaps, bites, hits – we are starting to call him ‘Bam-Bam.’ However, our boy is thriving. He can turn 360 on the ground, roll over and grab at things. He loves the ladies and is happy with any female as long as she is giving him attention – in such he is turning into an incredible flirt (his favorite girl, however, is Ana). When he gets excited, his body shakes and he sticks out his upper lip.
Everyday it seems like he meets a new milestone so it is hard to keep up with all the new things that are emerging. For example, this morning he popped out his pacifier to inspect it – he turned it around, examined the plastic parts, and placed it in his other hand to put back into his mouth (he missed, but he is getting there). And, last night (in the bath) he turned on the showerhead when he was exploring the faucet. So much going on with him – with both of them - that it is hard to keep up. I am looking forward to our upcoming visit with our Ped.