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My New Life

Jun 03, 2012 - 0 comments

433203?1338766674
Life have gave me Life a good mother and father who I trusted with my life...My mother sits at home in a daze she has had mini strokes and have has a stroke 17years ago...But God has been good...My father is gone he was a very caring and loving man...And I miss him everyday.......I've not done to much to my life in my own thoughts I failed..But its too old to cry about....I had a aunt who I loved like my own mother..She gave me a house.....I paid her back..but my mother said something and my daughter told her something...And I lost my house...But my grown kids stayed in.that house But it was intent for me ..When she died it was left to my daughter the houses money everything it all went to my daughter...during that time my daughter said she would give me my house back..But she has not done so...............I have gained 76lbs a miserable life of stress food and crying................people see me as a very strong woman....But they can't see what is really in my soul....Tomorrow is another step into the ring of diets motivation and skill...And remember good thoughts and why I'm on this journey..................Someone on my friends page FB  gave me a thought..I don't have to look or feel fat for the rest of my life that God has for me...God is clear and solid and he gives me support that no one else can..Because he Right here  looking what I'm writing about...And he is pleased...One Step at a time.

LOVE

May 20, 2012 - 1 comments

A friend of mine I met on facebook I knew she was friends with a man who I talked to for 1year it was a everyday thing with us..I even helped him when he lost his unemployment went to see him stayed in his house for a week.had sex but I was to big for him to enjoy me...I kept our life line open we talk sometimes but I feel when we talk I babble to much...Today in a message she told me that her boyfriend has left her and got another woman..under her nose...But she is going to visit the man who I like a lot and she wanted to tell me that she is not doing this behind my back..For me I feel she is...............But it hurt I do admit that...I told her I do not want to know if they have a intimate relationship..I wish she never told me....I was never going to find out....Plus I don't have a relationship with him...But if I was to go visit him. After I loose my weight I may of stop by Boston again...But after she telling me this I will never visit him again....My Boston man was a private part of my life That I did not want anyone else to know....I'm a grown woman with still feelings and to read what she said....Have me a little upset......I no longer feel she is a Friend...

GRAUDATION  2012

May 13, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

Depression



MY FIRST GRANDDAUGHTER IS GOING TO GRADUATE    SHE HAD AWARD EVENT BUT HER MOM DID NOT HAVE  A CAR TO GO...BUT I HAVE ONE-MY OTHER GRANDDAUGHTER WAS GOING ON A FIELD TRIP AND NEEDED TO BE PICKED UP...MY DAUGHTER WANTED HER TO FIND A RIDE ASK SOMEONE TO TAKE HER HOME...SO I SAID I WILL NOT LET HER TAKE MY CAR BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT HER TO BE WALKING THE STREETS TO GET HOME........TODAY I FOUND OUT THAT MY GRANDDAUGHTER TOLD HER MOM..WHO TOLD MY OTHER DAUGHTER THAT SHE DID NOT WANT ME TO GO TO HER GRADUATION  IF I DON'T LET HER MOTHER USE IT.....................I WAS CRUSHED AND STILL FEEL THE PAIN MY LIFE IS SO UNWORTHY...TOMORROW IS MOTHER'S DAY...AND I FEEL MISERABLE. MY LIFE HAD BEEN A MILLION LEMONS  DROP OVER ME.AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM IS BAD.....I WISH THAT I WAS NEVER BORN...BECAUSE EVERY SINCE I WAS A CHILD PEOPLE JUST LOVE HURTING ME......MY FAMILY WHERE ARE MY FAMILY.....RAIN DROPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD..I WISH I HAD NEVER GOT OUT OF BED.

deprssion

May 06, 2012 - 4 comments

one week has passed and I go back to work for another week...last Monday was awful because  a department store did not want me to use there restroom because I'm black and fat. I called the manager he said there customers are more important to me...I wanted to die......I talked to my therapists   and we talked about giving me another pill to go with my other meds.