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MANIA!!!!!!!!!!

Aug 15, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

mania

,

wedding anniversary

,

divorced

,

pining

,

tired but wired



So it looks like I've got some mania going on. I feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin. I am so tired but I feel incredibly full of energy-- kinda like that tired but wired feeling. No really tired but wired, no kinda to it!!! I'm really sad today because it would have been my 11th wedding anniversary, if I were still married. It *****. To love someone that no longer loves you back. It really *****. I wish he would come back but he won't. But anyway this is how I feel today. I don't have many manic days in a year but this is one of them.

Mood Tracker

Thieves...

Aug 14, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

thieves

,

family

,

betrayal



My house was burglarized. I am in total disbelief. I feel shock, hurt, numb. I don't know. I've felt like fighting back tears all day long. I don't even know if I allowed them to flow, if they would. I feel like a raw, open wound. The worst part of it all is that my family is involved. My sister may have been involved in the burglary.

I just can't reconcile this in my head. It's hard enough to come to grips with the fact that my privacy was invaded. My peace of mind stolen, but to think that someone I know was responsible??? I don't have enough mental space for that right now. I'm maxed out.

Mood Tracker

Moms...

Aug 11, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

mom

,

negativity

,

no support



Mine is a piece of work! I really love her but she is the mother from hell! I'm so upset. She just doesn't understand what I go through and won't even try to listen. Then she starts telling me all the things that I won't do and can't do. So negative. But thanks mom, for believing in me and cheering me on in being able to do whatever I set my mind to. All the "support" is what has pushed me to do the things I have already done in my life. I know I'm too old to be complaining about how my mom made my life harder. But with her it's like I'm still a child and she's still trying to control me. Nothing I do is good enough for her and if I don't do things the way she wants me to do them, she dooms them to failure. It will never work. You're making a mistake. I'm tired of all the negativity. Why won't she just let me be???

Mood Tracker

Sleep is not in the cards for me...

Aug 10, 2012 - 1 comments
Tags:

sleep

,

Insomnia

,

mood swings

,

Bipolar Disorder



At 2:25 am I woke up and could NOT get back to sleep. This is a bad sign that my mood is out of control. Also I'm stressed beyond belief. It's just survival for me right now. And that is also disturbing my sleep. Funny thing is (if this could be considered funny), what woke me up was an irresistible urge to scratch an unreachable place in the middle of my back. I've had that happen many times in the past , so I keep a back scratcher next to the bed. Well, this morning that sucker was MIA. I don't know where that thing is! The last time I remember seeing it, I was using it to fish a teddy bear from under the bed.

Can things get any worse? (I really don't want to find out)

Sleep Tracker