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Come on! Really???

Jul 25, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

weight regain

,

frustrated

,

discouraged



I don't believe this!! I just regained all the weight that it took me 3 weeks to lose in LESS than a week!!!! WTF gives?? I'm starting to think that it's just meant for me to be fat. This is so discouraging.

Weight Tracker

I am not having fun

Jul 25, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

cramps

,

constipation

,

Urgency

,

dizzy



Bowel Trouble. I took a laxative last night since my last BM was hard and I hadn't had another one since then.

Usually by morning, I am rushing for the restroom as I have powerful diarrhea. This time, not so much. I woke up and forced out a small BM. (bad, I know) But I felt totally backed up. Since I'd had one BM that was very reluctant to come, I decided it was safe to go and run some errands.

What a mistake! While in the grocery store, I started getting powerful urges to go poo. I decided to finish my shopping and go when I got home. I hate using public toilets.

Again...mistake. Before I knew it, it felt like a huge rock was trying to force it's way out of my rectum!! The good news...the laxative was finally working. The bad news...I have a basket full of groceries and can't run to the bathroom. So I decided to abandon the rest of my shopping and struggled to get out of the store without having a terribly embarrassing accident. (it's happened to me before- not a good time) I was squeezing my cheeks together so hard, I broke out in a cold sweat and started feeling really dizzy.

I eventually made it out of the store with my dignity intact and decided to stop at the new gas station across the street. Better chance of a new gas station having clean restrooms. I was right.

After finally relieving myself. I had sore muscles and cramps. But that beat having to drive all the way home with what felt like a rock up my butt!!

I finished my shopping at another store and went home without incident-- except for the dizzy spells that never went away.

What a way to start the day!!

Poop Tracker

Maybe I'm Not Doing So Well

Jul 25, 2012 - 1 comments
Tags:

Asthma

,

suicidal thoughts

,

medication



Last night, after a very good day (a rarity in my life), my mom called. 95% of the time after getting off the phone with my mom, I'm in a bad mood. Well last night was no different. I was so upset that later that night, I had an asthma attack...and refused to take my inhaler. I wanted to die.

I hadn't had suicidal thoughts in years...much less acted on them. II thought that once I went into respiratory distress, I'd be done. Bf was next to me pleading with me to take my inhaler as my breathing got worse. I started getting light-headed and thought-- it won't be long now. And it won't hurt my kids as much if they believe that an asthma attack was what took my life and not my own will.

Well, not only was that thinking faulty, but it just didn't happen. My children and I are very close and no matter what takes my life, they will be devastated. But I wasn't thinking that last night.

I don't know how long I was having the attack but I never passed out and I continued struggling to breathe. Odd.

Eventually, I relented and decided to take the inhaler. But it malfunctioned. I couldn't get it to work. So I had to use my backup inhaler. I couple of puffs later and I was fine. Tired, but fine.

Now that it's morning, I'm thinking that I'm not doing as well with my moods as I initially thought. Having moods like that is dangerous. I need to get back to see my pdoc. I just can't afford it or the meds with no insurance. But now it's clear that I have to do something.


Mood Tracker

Finally better!

Jul 20, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

Weight

,

food

,

Eating



Today is the first day since I got food poisoning that I actually have no pain and an appetite! I was a little nauseous this morning but that was probably due to lack of food. I really have no interest in food, but I'm hungry. That's always a bad combination because I end up eating all the wrong things and then putting on a lot of weight in a short period of time. We'll see how the rest of my day goes but right now I feel like a little piggie, It's probably my body catching up from several days without any substantial food.

Mood Tracker