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Wk 12 Update

Dec 11, 2012 - 0 comments
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Pregnancy

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Baby

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Anxiety

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sex

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first trimester

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foreplay

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nuchal translucency

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nasal bone

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blood work

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fatigue

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constipation

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Acne

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frequent urination

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poor sleep

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moody

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craving



Today was our Ultrascreen.  It's the First Trimester ultrasound (u/s) and blood work screening for abnormalities and risk for chromosomal defects.  It's been a anxious week knowing this was today.  Scared of what they'd see and how DH and I would handle results.  Like the night prior to every ultrasound, I hardly slept with ruminating thoughts of what if the baby stopped growing.  What if there isn't a heartbeat.  What if the baby looks abnormal.  And I still don't feel pregnant...what if that's not a good thing.  What if it's because of something I did (as all those daily cups of coffee and moments I laid on my right side piled up in my head).  

So the u/s tech set me up and put that jelly on me and pressed the scanner over my still flat stomach.  And in a take your breath away moment, there it was.  Without any doubt, a baby, just like how it should look based on week-by-week images I've seen online.  Just that would have been good enough for me.  But then the u/s tech gave us a "tour" of the baby.  She showed us it's little scrawny legs that were kicking away, it's arms, and one perfectly formed hand with 5 perfect little fingers.  She saw the stomach and bladder and start of the brain.  The baby turned away from us and we could see the bright white spine.  The baby was even sucking on its hand for a bit.  The heart is easier to see each time and it's little heartbeat was strong and fast.  Then she said everything looked normal. anatomical structures they screen were what they'd want to see.  There was a nasal bone and the nuchal spacing was minimal.  I still got a blood test to confirm but they said everything looks how it should.

I still don't feel pregnant, but today I felt connected to this little thing for the first time.  That human shape and the movements made me fall in love.  And I'm also just in awe of the whole process and the ability of my body to be doing this.

Still have minimal symptoms.  Fatigue as usual.  Frequent bathroom trips.  Constipation.  Acne flares.  Crappy & uncomfortable sleep.  This week I woke up in the middle of the night wanting cashews.  I never got any and didn't want to kill anyone over it.  Although definitely more emotional this week.  I got all teary picking out Christmas cards and was feeling more irritated at DH.  The other new thing occurring this week was that I did not enjoy our sex life like I used to.  If you want to, stop here, cause I'm going to explain what I mean.


Pre-sex, it almost felt like DH had never been with me before.  I think it's because I'm more sensitive.  His touch felt rough and hard.  He leaned his palm against my public bone which hurt and felt like a great deal of pressure I actually pulled away.  I also couldn't "o" like I usually do.  During sex, we were spooning and again it felt like pressure more than pleasure.  And this is one of the recommended positions...  The other thing that made it less enjoyable was that my breasts felt so heavy while moving it was painful that I had to hold them down with my arm.  And again I couldn't "o" during like I usually do.

The second time we were together this week was much better although it required some alterations on my part.  I had to tell DH to go much lighter and easier several times especially around my breasts and below the belt.  This time, I got on top and quickly learned I can't lean up against him comfortably any more.  So I had to sit or lean towards him.  We also switched to me on all 4s with him behind me.  This was actually the most comfortable and I was able to enjoy myself and "o".  I told him after that we're going to have to get creative now that my body changes are becoming more noticeable to my comfort level.  He was fine with that and just happy I still have my sex drive this whole time.

I hope that didn't offend anyone.  I just think it's important to be honest here because that is something that's not really shared with friends or family.  So take those tips from this random internet stranger!  I hope it's helpful to someone.

Venting, Dreams, Itching & Cravings

Nov 28, 2012 - 0 comments
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dreams

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Pregnancy

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venting out stupid feelings

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food cravings

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itch

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my husband



I still find it hard to believe I'm pregnant.  I'm 11 weeks pregnant.  It's all so surreal and I find myself thinking a lot about how I really don't feel connected to being pregnant.  I don't know why and it's been from the start too.  At first I thought it was because of our anxious nerve-wracking IVF journey that I just didn't want to jinx myself.  Now that I've seen sonograms and heard the heartbeat, I thought that might change things.  But it really hasn't.  My mom and DH say they love the baby.  Honestly (which I feel horrible about) I don't feel love...  I do feel protective, responsible, and nutritionally conscious.  I rub my belly and sometimes talk to it and smile when I see our sonogram pic on the fridge but overall I don't walk around going "wow...I'm pregnant".  In fact, most of the time it's "I can't believe I'm pregnant and nothing has changed".  Meaning my life, my marriage, and DH's involvement.  He said he thinks about the baby all the time and gets all excited and can't wait.  But then he sits on the other side of the sofa involved with his iPhone.  I have to physically put his hand on my belly and tell him I like it when he does that.  No matter how often I say my back hurts (which it has been, thanks to sleeping on my side), I have to ask for a back rub and he'll do it so rough that I just have him stop anyway.  I'm still waking up every morning to walk the dog, I do the cooking, cleaning, doing all the laundry, and the food shopping.  He says he doesn't want me to food shop on my own but when it's time to go, he's disappeared...for HOURS.  I have to ask, several times, for him to bring up the huge bag of laundry.  He watches me fold the laundry and says I look cute and sits down and watches TV.  Monday I asked him to pick up dog food.  He picked up 3 bottles of soda, a bag of doritos, and some Christmas candy.  No dog food.  I had to get it yesterday.  It's so frustrating and I'm wondering if this is playing a part into my blah mood.  I'm not expecting to be on a pedestal but I just thought I'd feel more maternal, more special.

Aside from my mood, I still feel the same as usual.  Exhausted.  I finally bought a pregnancy pillow through Amazon and can't wait for it to come, hoping my back and hips stop aching and I can get some sleep.  I've had two interesting dreams recently and found them amusing.  The first, about a week ago -- we had an older boy, about 8, and twin newborn girls.  I remember that in the dream I was nursing the babies and said something to the boy about "feeding his sister".  The second, a few nights ago, was totally my sub conscious telling me to relax and give myself credit to all the above mentioned guilt over my lack of feelings.  I was having an ultrasound with my RE who told me the baby was healthy and growing well.  I made her reassure me that she saw nothing that meant that I couldn't carry the baby to term or that the baby wouldn't be normal.  She assured me.  I then admitted to all of the swirling thoughts in my head (those I mention above) and she told me that it was perfectly fine.  That my body was going through a lot and that I've changed more than I realize and that more changes will come and feelings will grow as I do.  My brain can be quite the smarty sometimes :)  Anytime I've been feeling down this week, I try to think of my dream.

This week my skin has also become itchy.  I use vitamin E lotion on my breasts and tummy twice a day, but this week my nipples and lower abdomen (like around the love handle area) are itchy.

I can also say that this week I've probably had my first real sense of food cravings.  I have mentioned how prior to my first beta all I wanted was red meat and that last week all I wanted was spicy food.  Well this week it was a bit more specific.  I had to have tomatoes. Raw.  The thought of it made me salivate and fortunately I had some grape tomatoes in the house, so I cut them up with some cucumbers added some salt and olive oil and went to town.  Then I just wanted my chicken leftovers, no sides, just the chicken.  But to be balanced I had the chicken with leftover sweet potatoes.  Last night I also wanted something else specific, at like 8pm and thought it was weird.  I didn't have it in the house so I ignored the craving.  When I woke up this morning, I can't remember what I wanted so desperately last night.  I guess as long as I keep craving healthy things I'll indulge myself!  

wk 9 into 10

Nov 21, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

Pregnancy

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Acne

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spicy

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fatigue

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Sleeping difficulty



Well this week I definitely feel slowed down, not the best feeling with the holidays right at the door!  I find that I'm exhausted the moment I wake up.  I'm also still not sleeping great.  I'd love a maternity/body pillow but they all look so large and also seem to conform more for changes in the belly, when I need some back support.  I'm also up twice a night to use the bathroom and I'm sure that's taking away from my rest.  My other bathroom issues seem to have calmed down though, which is great.  The Dr recommended Colace is really helping.  I do still try to keep away from oily, fatty, and acidic foods since they still cause an upset stomach (not indigestion or heartburn, more heaviness in my stomach and mild cramps).

This week, the new development has been acne.  Like I'm a teenager acne.  Actually even as a puberty-driven teen, I never had more than a few pimples.  This week, my face broke out all down the right hand side of my face (even though I sleep on my left hand side).  I also noticed pimples on my neck, shoulders/upper back, and upper chest/breasts - which I've never had.  I also seem to wake up each morning with at least 2-3 new, hurting, pimples.  I take my make up off every night, and wash my face twice a day.  During pregnancy, they warn against using anti-acne treatment (anything with saylytic acid) but I would really like to do something to get this under control if I'm going to keep having break outs.

And this week I guess you can say I've had my first food cravings.  The week of my Beta I craved meat, red meat.  Every night as much as I could get.  Since that week I really haven't had this need for anything until now.  Even though my Dr recommends mild, gentle and bland foods, all I want is spicy.  I want Mexican.  I want Thai.  I made tortellinis the other night and practically soaked them in red pepper flakes.  I also made stir fry and heavy handed the ginger.  That seems to have neutralized my desires but it's still in the back of my mind.  I even asked DH to go for Thai next week.  Luckily, he loves Thai and was very agreeable :)

So that's my update.  I can't believe I'm 10 wks along tomorrow.  It's so strange still not feeling like I'm pregnant.  Although I am getting a little more poochy.  I just can't wait for wk 12 when we go back for the next ultrasound and actually see the LOOK of a baby, not just specks, squiggles, or gummy bear shaped figures.  

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.  I know I am going to be especially grateful this year.

Little things

Nov 15, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

Pregnancy

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frequent urination

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Nipple soreness

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NECK AND BACK PAIN

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congestion

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Weight



Been feeling more than relieved since my Dr on Monday.  Seeing our little growing baby, well..there just aren't any words for it.  DH has decided that at 8 wks the baby looks like a Gummy Bear, which just cracked me up.  I'm a child of the 80s, so I've been humming the theme song to the cartoon show all week.  And now he's starting to freak out a bit that we don't go back for 4 weeks.  I let him know that now we've been cleared as a healthy pregnancy via IVF, that's a normal pregnancy routine.  I hope as the weeks pass, I can keep to my own words!

Prior to the OB, I was concerned because I felt no real symptoms.  Well, now I realize I have a bunch of little things that I really don't think about most days.  I've had frequent urination from the start.  I don't feel like I go as much during the day but I'm getting up like twice a night instead (even if I stop drinking at like 7pm).  Again since the start I've had nipple soreness which doesn't seem to be going away.  The other night when DH and I were in bed, I rolled over and my nipple brushed against his arm.  It was so startling, it made me wince.

The past several days I have had more back pain, which I think is due to my poor sleeping.  I find it hard to get comfortable and I've been trying to condition myself to sleeping on my left side as that is the one most recommended for placental blood flow (I still have plenty of weeks until I "have to" sleep like that, but I'm a stomach sleeper primarily so I do find that is becoming uncomfortable).  I haven't used any extra pillows since the position didn't seem to bother my hips or legs, but maybe I'll grab one to cushion my back.

I also live in NY and we've had some interesting weather to say the least.  I've found that for at least the last week and a half I've had a stuffy nose but no other cold symptoms.  And the stuffiness isn't relieved by blowing.  I read on my pregnancy tracker that nasal swelling is common in pregnancy due to increased blood flow.  So that's going to be interesting to monitor during the cold and flu season!

Last, the only thing I've noticed that I'm really trying to work on is my weight.  I haven't gained anything.  First I think my problem is I never know what I weigh exactly.  My digital scale always ranges between 163-165.  While evacuated at my mom's, I used her old fashioned red line/dial scale and weighed 165.  At my OB I weighed 164.  I see that it's recommended to gain about 5 lbs in your first trimester.  I've been eating normal for me: cereal in the morning, soup or sandwich for lunch, and dinner.  Since getting my BFP, I've kept healthy snacks with me at work -- yogurt, nuts, berries, high fiber/protein granola bars.  But the thing is I'm really not hungry for them.  It's not that I feel nauseous or anything.  I'm just not hungry and don't think to force myself to snack for baby's sake.  So I'm not sure what do do there.  Maybe I can try adding some of these "extras" at mealtimes, when I am looking to eat.  And I'll see how it goes over the next 4 wks. (Of course as I'm writing this, I'm famished after having lunch 20 minutes ago and am snacking on almonds and cranberries.)

One last thing, just because I find it amusing....since getting my BFP 4 weeks ago, DH has complained of:  nausea, fatigue, food cravings, feeling like he has a cold, acne, and various body aches *sigh*