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The Proverbial Wagon

Jan 08, 2008 - 0 comments




I suck!! I've been too embarrased too reply to my friends here in the forum because I was ashamed to admit I fell off the proverbial wagon around Christmas. I have many emails from other concerned friends here that I'm just now responding to. I am starting my taper over and getting back on track, but I am still ashamed of myself!

It was so hard with my son so far away and Ashley spending it at here dad's...again! then Rob (hubby) had to go to Portland area (our office for work is down there) and last summer I saw that there had been some flirtation between him and a 22 yr old "office girl". I mean, geez, I am 41 and still look pretty good, I think anyway. It hurt my pride mostly. I know there was nothing serious, but we've had a pretty bad couple of years and it hurt me to the core because during that time is when my seizures got serious, (I found out that on May 31 while i was in the hospital after ashley called 911 because I had my first grand mal, he was actually out having a drink with her! I was so pissed! We supposedly "working on our marriage" from prior "issues" I still hadn't recovered from. So I felt a little insecure while he was down there, I typically go with him these days, just because, but with ashley being out of school I wanted to be here for her.
Then new Years Eve, Rob spent the whole day at the card room, which was fine, but I did think we would at least go to dinner together, but he didn't come home until 11:30 pm...then Ashley called and said that a parent of a friend had called the police because of the party she was at and we needed to go get her! It was all just so overwhelming those two weeks, my head was spinning!!

Anyway, I'm back and ready to put my life back in place and start from scratch!

Thank you all for your concern, your emails really help me alot. Although Rob is trying to be supportive, he doesn't understand it...I didn't even tell him I screwed up, I was afraid he'd see that as weakness and I couldn't handle that right now! I have already been disgusted with myself, I don't want to let anyone else down!

Much love to you all,
Feel A Hug!

Last Rx order

Dec 20, 2007 - 4 comments

Tomorrow I will recieve the last order of tramadol I ever want to order! I am going to print out the Thomas recipe and giving it to Rob. Along with the bottle when it comes tomorrow. i will take 5 days to recover (c/t) I suppose, but everyone here has had such great results after day 4 that I think I can do it! Rob is off for the next 11 days, so he can help out where I need him too. I do not want to start another year with this going on! I have too many other issues that I don't have control over, this addiction is only making it worse!!

i want to take the $127 (almost every week!) and put it in a box. When I feel better I will see how much is in there. I bet I can go on vacation or something like that!! i mean, just one month is about $400! ****, I feel like such a loser!!

My kids

Dec 08, 2007 - 1 comments

This is a picture of my kids. They're the only thing I've ever done right! Ashley is 16 and a junior in high school with excellent grades (I used to be that smart). Trevor is 18, graduated in June this year and now works in Antarctica! i feel guilty everytime I complain about our weather being too cold! LOL!


Dec 08, 2007 - 2 comments

I've been trying to taper for 10 days. at first I cut back too hard, too fast, so I've bumped dosage back up a little and feel better physically, but worse mentally. I want this to be over, I'm too weak when the drugs are around. I want to feel better!! On nice days like today I should be outside...ok, maybe not outside since it's only like 35 degrees out, but at least not sitting here feeling sorry for myself!

I'm leaning toward c/t, I'm going to call Monday (12/10) to see if I can get an appointment to talk about Suboxone. It sounds as if most people in the forum that have used it have had good results. That's encouraging! Wish me luck!