She is finally here!!! I am just trying to get sleep when i can, she is a great little eater and growing so fast already!!!!
The day of the c section i was having strong contractions every 2 minutes and still no dilation or signs that she was dropping into my pelvis... after throwing up throughout the entire c section (as i did the entire pregnancy!) our miracle was born 7 lbs and 11 oz!!!! : ) with big fat cheeks and lots of hair!!!! she is absolutely perfect!!!   I had could finally eat food and not get sick, until we went home and the first day home i must have had the stomach flu or something, and was sick as a dog... then i woke up drenched in blood - i had torn my incision open!!! and was back on my blood thinner shots, and was just dripping a lot of blood out.... they sewed me back up and thank God it did not get infected.. however i took antibiotics to prevent infection, which caused her to get thrush ...but now everyone is all better, i can eat food (which is AMAZING!!) and we are adjusting to life as a new family!!! The sleep deprivation and stress is all soooo worth it and sooo easy to deal with since there is such a beautiful little person looking back at us!! its great and we are SOOOO SOOO thankful for being able to experience such a miracle in life!

So today was a big day!!  ever since we found out the sex of our little one (several weeks ago) all my friends keep asking if we have bought anything - baby clothes etc.. they all ran out and bought things the day they found out.. i have had several friends want  me to meet them at the baby store and go shopping, but honestly i'm still terrified.. and this all still doesn't seem real!   I'm so scared our miracle will be taken away from us like all the other pregnancies that I have not been able to bring myself to go into a baby store.. until today.. there was a huge sale i saw a week ago.. and i debated in my mind.. my husband said i should go get a few things, but i just am so scared, and think.. what if we loose this baby and then i have to look at baby clothes that will hurt even more!   But today i did it.. i went to the store, bought a few things and just about broke down in tears at the register!!   Tears of joy, nervousness, scared tears and disbelief!! who knew it would be such an overwhelming moment!! Now that i'm home with the few cute things I got I'm feeling better, more confident, that this is really real.. and maybe... hopefully we really will be holding our long awaited little one come this October!!! Gosh i still tear up!! phewww!!

I can't believe our lives at the moment! after the hardest year or more of our lives, we were taking a break after yet another miscarriage, so that we could go on a vacation and truely get away from it all for a few days.. well after running around working, being stressed out at work, drinking coffee., but taking asprin and my new vitamins  - folic acid and B vitamins.. I was not spotting and should have been a week before my period started.. I felt so dumb for even thinking getting pregnant on our own was a possibility, but i bought the tests just to be sure..I took the test looked at it initially and i thought i saw a line, and then thought, gosh i'm so silly for even thinking there would be a line there, i should have never even tested.. And then it became more obvious.. we were really pregnant!  after staring at it for an hour making sure i wasn't just sleep deprived and delirious from work, i woke up my husband, and we both just said we didn't understand!!
  I immediately started my heparin for the first time in now 5 pregnancies..well i got my first beta 48 hours ago and it was 20.. we think we were 11 dpo or so, then repeated today (decided not to go on our trip to go skiing in the altitude) and they wanted it over 35.. to my complete shock (expecting to get bad news as usual when they called) it was 91!!!! i am still in shock! every single pregnancy we have had initial "beta issues" it never rises appropriately, and something always seemed wrong.. so this is the first time EVER things are actually off to a good start!
I just pray pray pray every minute of everyday that this is FINALLY it.. that in 3 weeks we will actually see a hearbeat for the first time and actually graduate from the RE!  what a ride it has been, and I am just hoping it gets to end happily this time!   just in total shock and more thankful than anyone could imagine!!

So its been a week of up's and downs! first thought our cycle didn't work, then found out we did have a BFP on our hands, only for the spotting and cramping to have already begun before we even got our BFP! ( so we are up to four losses now! : ( ) Then the scary phone call from the RE that they found something on our genetic/clotting testing. But i must say now that this VERY LONG week is coming to an end I feel very thankful that we have found this clotting problem -homozygous MTHFR.. the dr could have told us something so much worse that would have made this dream come to a halt, but instead we have new found hope! A new game plan in place for the cycles to come. Hope is SUCH an important thing when going through this process.. we have gotten bad news after bad news, but i defintely consider this on the good news side, so hopefully 2009 really will bring brighter times to our family! i just PRAY that the new regimen, blood thinners, really will be our answer!  At least for now i can dream!! : )