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at the pharmacy 11/3/10

Nov 03, 2010 - 5 comments

I haven t had a pain pill in over 2 years.  I feel like I m completely over it....I ve seen deals and pills right in front of me and it doesn t bother me at all....Today I went to my local grocery store with a pharmacy which I ve used many times.  I decided to go over and get a flu shot..$20.00 cheaper than my doc.  It was very busy and there was a 15 minute wait.  As I sat there a feeling overcame me.  I remembered how excited and happy I would be to get that bottle of pills thinking each time...I will take then responsibly.  I wondered the same thing about the people at the pharmacy today...like what where they getting...they seemed too happy...weird stuff like that.  who really cares but it bugged me to think these thoughts. I m not over it and probably never will be.  Just a strange day but all is good.  I have my freedom and that s all that matters....God bless us all :)

the test

Dec 15, 2009 - 10 comments

yesterday at work i believe i was tested again.....one of my customers had broken her arm over the weekend....she whips out a BIG bottle of percocets...proceeds to ask me if i knew anyone that wanted any.  i felt weak...shaky and a bit sick to my stomach.  she only wanted 2 dollars for a perk 5 which is real cheap where i come from....just a little extra Christmas money....she must have had over 100 pills....i answered no but i m sure you won t have any problems selling them that cheap....she moved around in the bar asking everyone....about an hour went by and another person says Maria come here.  he gives me a dollar tip all rolled up and says there s something inside for you.  i open it and theres a $#@$^& perk in there.  i told him i don t do them and handed it back...i felt so sick....he had no idea i was an addict and said he was sorry over and over....i told him ok..don t worry bout it...but it bummed the rest of the day out...came home and told my husband....he said you should have taken it for me...he has legit pain and can take them responsibly and only takes them when his pain is overwheming.  i told him i just don t want any in my hands free or not.....i don t crave much at all....only when i m very upset and that is very rare...i m a very mellow person.   i know he knows i m over it but it upset me.  today i feel better....so after 17 months clean i realize i will still have challenges all the rest of my life.....never let your guard down...never... even for one single pill...God bless us and thank you for keeping me strong and well

today

May 09, 2009 - 1 comments

today was a perfect day...i got to sleep late...woke up to sunshine. a blue sky and nice cool breezes.....had tons of energy and happiness.  i looked around and saw all the green trees, the green grass along with the birds singing and lawn mowers in the distance, kids playing...all beautiful sounds that sometimes i take for granted.   i feel so good, so refreshed and tomorrow is Mothers Day.   plans included going to a park and walking a 2 mile trail and playing some games with my kids and then grillin some hamburgers.  i m hoping tomorrow is as beautiful as today...

one year ago

Mar 21, 2009 - 0 comments

today is my 52nd birthday...one year ago i was struggling with a horrible addiction to any opiate.  it was spring break and i really thought i could quit over this time....wrong...failed again...i guess it wasn t the right time...all i know is... here it is one year later and i m finally free of this monster.  it s the best feeling in the world not having to wake up and  take pills to get myself going everyday... life is not that bad sober..life is what we make it.  i truly hope anyone struggling will find themselves breaking free and living life clean.   thank you God..thank you med help friends...and  i m going to thank myself for getting my life back....

no more pills