real as it gets Journals
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I'm still alive

Mar 07, 2009 - 3 comments

hi everyone. letting you know i'm ok and still sober. been a rough week but i'll be back in a few days. take care.....................

real as it gets

people are funny

Jan 17, 2009 - 9 comments

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!

Careful . CAREFUL!  I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!

Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.

You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.

USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?

You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

*********************************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.  She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags.  I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God!  What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

*******************************************************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.  On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.

That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.

That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.

The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.



real as it gets

headache

Nov 06, 2008 - 0 comments

bad bad bad bad bad bad one

real as it gets