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Protection from Discouragement

Apr 24, 2008 - 1 comments

As I was in my quiet time, this is the message for today and I must say that it fits me to a "T".

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you;  He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  Deut 31:8

...O Lord, Thou art our Father, We are the clay. and Thou our potter; And all of us are the works of Thy Hand.  Isaiah 64:8

The older I get, the more I realize that I am not going to be permitted to live my life on my own terms!  I'm beginning to understand that I can't control other people or my circumstances, and that God, my heavenly Father, is in the contstant process of using all things to mold my life.

I thank Him daily for the wonderful things that He had done in my life, and the things that He continues to bless me with.

Relief Finally

Apr 22, 2008 - 3 comments

I am so exicted to learn that I really was experiencing pain and not just begging for drugs.  My dentist did a root canal on a jaw tooth of mine a couple of years ago and I have still had pain from it. I was under the impression that once you had a root canal, it was nothing left to hurt.  Boy was I wrong.  Especially when the dentist missed the canal and left the root and nerve exposed.  Anytime I told my hubby or my dentist I was hurting, I had this sinking feeling that they couldn't believe me.  It got to a point that I really began to doubt my own pain.  Tuesday of last week, I had all that I could handle and went to my dentist (that I have been seeing since I was in high school) and told him that I couldn't stand it anymore.  He did a panarex xray and could not stop apologizing.  He had totally missed the root and he said he didn't see how I had been handling the pain.  When I told him how bad it was, he gave me a script for 10 lortabs.  They worked, but not really well.  Today when I called him, he made me come to the office and he gave me a script for percocet and made me an appointment with a specialist in a neighboring town.  My main concern is that if I get a script from this doctor and have it filled, am I  going to be tagged as a doctor shopper.  I have also had enough dental surgeries to know that if you get a script, get it filled and take it like you are supposed to because if the pain ever gets away from you, it can cause you some very serious suffering.  

I want to have this root canal in the morning, come home and get back to work on Wednesday.  I have no intention of staying out any longer than I have to, so please remember me in your prayers.  I am going to turn in for the night and try to get a little sleep before my big day.  I am excited to finally be getting rid of the pain that I have experienced for a while.  The pain that I have doubted about being real or phantom.

Thanks, Sue

First Entry

Apr 12, 2008 - 0 comments

I have been on the forum for a while now, but I have never written a journal entry.  I guess I will tell you guys my story.  When I was 26, I had to have my tonsils removed and nasal surgery.  Before that time, I had never taken pain meds, even after having a C-Section, I just used tylenol.  Well, when I went for my 6 week check up with the nasal surgery I had polyps to develop and required immediate surgery so that I could breathe.  The doctor screwed up when he fixed my deviated septum and I had to have reconstructive surgery done.  Basically I had a bone graph done removing bone from the inside of my cheek to rebuild my septum.  Throughout all of this I was in a tremendous amount of pain.  I mainly only used the pain pills at night so I could sleep, but I ended up getting hooked on them.  

I worked at a doctors office so when my script ran out, I would take samples.  Then one thing led to another and before I knew it I was a full blown addict.  My boss caught me and insisted that I go for treatment.  I did and was doing great for about 10 years.  After my second child was born, I had a series of dental surgeries and got hooked again.  But this time it was more of a binge situation, I would only use if I had it.  I had changed occupations and the samples were not available for me.  I did some doctor shopping and got what I could, but that was a total nightmare.  One of the receptionists at a doctors office called child protection because of the way my appearance had changed.  I am the type of person who will not leave the house without all my makeup on and hair fixed to a "T".  During a few months when my addiction was so bad, I didn't care what I looked like.  All I could think about was getting the pills.  Anyway they investigated and determined that my children were in no danger, but that event scared me to death.  I have never felt so helpless or worthless in my life. While waiting for their decision I "fasted" and prayed for a solid week.  I looked like I lost about 10 pounds, but I didn't care about eating, I only wanted to keep my family together.

With the support of family, I was clean for years.  I had to have an emergency hysterectomy and was not able to sleep following it.  The docs gave me ambien and clonopin.  Well I got hooked on the sleeping meds bad,  I was doing things that were nothing like me.  My family noticed the changed and approached me about it and I decided something had to be done.  

On January 5th, I went to every doctor in our area and told them my situation and requested that no matter how much I begged, pleaded or what I said was wrong, do NOT give me a prescription for any tyle of narcotic medicine.    I have been doing really well, but I still "crave" them.  I am just waiting for that feeling to go away!