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Praise God...being Born Again

Jul 29, 2009 - 15 comments
Tags:

family

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Pain

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kidney

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meds



I was Born Again way back in 1978...somewhere along the way I lost my way..Backslid as they say..When I lost my 4 month old daughter to SIDS in 1991, rather then seeking the comfort of God I totally turned my back on God, blamed Him and wanted nothing to with God.
Then went on trudging through life, not really caring about what I should have cared about...the almighty dollar will do that to you..I was more concerned about giving my family what they wanted more then what they really needed. I worked about 60 to 70 hours a week. I was salesmanager of a car dealership, was making very good money, but I was never home, always working, sometime traveling. The wife and kids had the materialistic things they needed, but as the head of the household, I didn't make sure they had the spiritual things they needed.
I am sure some will know whats coming next, I didn't see important things that were missing,mainly me. I figured as long as they had the material things,everything would be fine. Well I didn't seee my wife and I growing apart at a fast pace, mykids growing up without God in thier lives, and me always working. I got sick in June of 2003, by September of that same year, I was heading for divorce and my kidneys were in complete failure, starting dialysis. One thing led to the other, life kept spirialing down the drain really fast.
I lost pretty much everything I had except my children. Lost my marrriage, my house, and many other things. Then to make matters worst by 2009 I have been adicted to percoset and morphine for 4 years. I was going to a pain specialist, I do not blame the doctor for my adicition that was me
I have had a Aunt and dialysis nurse and a cousin all praying for me to come back to the Lord. 140 days ago something told me inside, to just stop taking the meds, well I did, and the next 3 weeks were really bad. The physical withdrawls were horrible, you get to see what a little piece of hell is like. Through prayer and my wonderful family here at MH I made it through. Well I rededicated my life to God, and my life has changed 180 degrees. I have had not one craving, depression is completely gone. I have not been this happy in 20 years, I am at peace, an inner peace that is so joyful.
Some will say it is because I am not taking meds anymore,but it is by the Grace of God that my life has changed. I thank God everyday. Life is so good and I praise God for being back in His bossom. The power of our wonderful Savior and our Father is powerful, God is an awsome God.  Amen...God Bless...brian


Phil..my son-in-law.... a real American hero

May 15, 2009 - 12 comments
Tags:

hero

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family

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daughter



As promised in my last journal entry, I said I wanted to tell you about my son-in-law Phil. Phil lived 3 houses down from us, and had a very tough upbringing. His parents were divorced and alocholics. When his dad did live at home Phil and his brother got the brunt of his mom and dads fighting. Like many kids in that postion when he got into his teens he got into some small trouble with the law.
When my oldest daughter turned 16 her and Phil started dating, she was afaird to tell her mom and me, she knew her mom would explode. Well her mom and me ended up divorcing after i got sick. So Autymn told me about her and Phil, and I liked Phil, all teens have there problems. Well Autymn ended up getting pregant right before starting her senior year
I was very sick by then with my kidney failure, and Phil was living with us. This kid would get up at 4:30am three times a week to take me to dialysis. I was just too sick to drive. Well after my grandson was born Phil joined the National Garude. Well the next August he got called to go to Iraq, were he would spend the next 16 months fighting for his country.
Phil was a gunner and medic in a humvee unit, they would sweep into towns and house looking for bad guys. Here is a 21 year old kid seeing things no man or woman of any age should see, plus he was in 4 different road side explosions. The last one that hit there humvee killed 2 of his buddies, Phil said they were almost blown in half and there was nothing he could do to save them. He did save 2 other of the men in the vehicle, while being wounded himself. For his actions Phil received the Purple Heart and Silver Star, but he paid a high price for all of this.
When he got home he ahs been diagosed with TBI (tramitic brain injury) and Ptsd. Being in 4 different explosions they basically told him his brain was rattled around so much that it was injured. Her is a 24 year old man who's life has been changed dramictally, he is on 100% disability,from the Army, has been told to just collect your benifits and get on with life. No this man is a fighter, he starts college here in a couple of weeks, he wants to make something of himself. As far as I am concerned he already has, doing what he did in Iraq,this young man is a true American hero like all others who are serving their country in the war zones
I am so proud to call this young man my SON...I dont call him son-in-law, he is like a song too me, and this country can use a whole more like him, he is agreat father to my grandchildren and a great husband to my daughter, he does have some problems from what hjas happened, but hell he is a fighter and he will beat the problems
. I know this is arather long entry but i felt the need to tell his story, he is such a big part of my family, we all love him and we are honered to have him in the family..thanks for letting me have the privelage of tell in you all about Phil...brian








What a long strange trip it's been...60 days clean

May 10, 2009 - 10 comments
Tags:

strange

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trip

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clean

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family

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pains

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meds



Man it seems like a million years have passed, but I made it to 60 days clean today. I was so wrapped up in my addicition I never thought I would have made it to this point. I was sick for almost 3 weeks, and they were a LONG 3 weeks.

My mind is clear which is great!, I have no cravings, which I give all the glory to God for and no depression and that I give all the glory to God!. I am so glad not to be under the power of opiates any longer. I have my life back, when I was on the pills I never went anywhere didnt really care if I saw my kids or grandkids. Now i am out and about, happy to be alive..I havent been this happy in such a long time

What gets me is I thought by going to a pain specialist I was doing things the right way. Now don't get me wrong I do not blame my addicition on the doctor. It was me who got himself addicted. I just didn't want to admit it to myself let alone anyone else. I wanted everyone to think that I controlled the meds but the meds controlled me.

Well the Long strange trip is still going on, I seem to rediscover something new everyday, it may be the smallest little thing, but thank God that I have my senses back to see  it.

I want to thank everyone here at MH who encouraged me and  told me I could do this. There are too many to single out. My MH family is such an important part of my life, I thank you all and love you all, without you guys i could not have done this...your music man....brian

Zachary and Courtney

May 05, 2009 - 6 comments
Tags:

daughter

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son



In my last entry I told all of you about my oldest daughter Autymn, I have 2 other wonderful children, Zachary and Courtney, I think it is only fair to let you all know about them.
Zack, is such a interesting yet complex person. When I got first got sick in 2003, for a reason I still don't understand to this day thier mom just left. I was so sick I really couldn't do much. Zack was 15 at the time and he pretty much took over the house. He made sure that i woulkd write the checks for the bills and he did the grocery shopping. At the time Autymn was pregant she started early. that kid made sure the grass was cut and everything was in order. What a special person he is, going to be a social worker and work with teens.
Courtney was 13 when this all happened and she had a pretty hard time with everything. Thank God we had 3 dogs and she loves animals, so she made sure they were taken care of,it helped her alot I beleive. She also pitched in and did laundry, and help with dishes. For her age she did a graet job. She now is 19 and she is searching for her place in the world. I know she will find her place and do fine.
These are my 2 other wonderful children, and i felt that o owed it to them to tell you about them, I am so proud of all my kids, they were so there for me when I needed them the most and to this day they are there, they may be grown and on their own, but when I cal they beat feet to get here
My next entry will be about my son-in-law Phil, he is a real American hero and i think you all will want to read that one too. When you do you will understand, and that will be coming soon..God Bless All...brian