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keep moving forward

Jul 06, 2008 - 0 comments
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Christians



I had so many things come against me last week....disruptancies that messed with my plans.  Wed everything was a go for me to start on the Suboxone..I had 2 ladies from Church who were driving me and staying with me while I wait for my two dose....Wednesday the office mngr of my doc's office called asking me if I knew Suboxone was not covered by my drug plan...she said it would cost between 300 - 400 and there was no point starting if I didn't hve the money to continue...By wednesday I was in some w/d and I got scared...wouldn't have taken much to put me over the side.  So I thought no I can't afford that much, so my appointment got cancelled....I called my provincial drug coverage, and the reason it wasn't covered was that it hadn't yet been approved, it is that new in Canada...so they said to call my Income Assistance orker to see if they would cover it...no if it has been denied by insurance it it dened for them to look at it.  I finally got to explain it had not been denied it had not been lookied at...they told me get a letter from my docotr tothe insurance company and the letter backfrom them and take bothin then my worker can go to the one above her and tehy can make a decision......then the office manager told me before the doctor can send in a letter reuquesting covereage I need to be prescibed it.......a week like this.....enough to make me crazy.....the beurocracy....to weed through this and that....I'm not good at this kind of stuff anyore..../friday I saw my doctor and he said he could send the letter first.....then when I mentioned the expense he said it's not that much....and I told him waht the office manager had said....the last figure she quoted me was $450.....he said it would be 150/month...something I couldhandle until the coverage came thrugh.....so it just frustraged me to much that the mistake of one person can mess up my plans it had taken me dasy to arrange....then I had just the worst experience Friday night......His office is two hours away from where I live...so I didn't get out of there unitl 5:30 and it did a bit of shopping and when I'm driving  home I think gee I have to hurry or I'll miss the drugstore.....Most are open till 9pm but I remember hearingsomething that mine is closing at 8 from now on...new management....so it was 7:45 and it could be 20 mins till I got there....so I first pass through a little town called Bridgetown and they have the same type of drugstore so i thought I'll stop there as it looked open....I went in and asked when annapolis was open to and the pharamcist said 8...then she started accusing me ofkinds of things.....I've had some past bad experiences iwth her, butn othing like Friday night.....she accused me of using multiple doctors, f=dugstove, and she said she wouldn't touch the presription with a ten foot pole, and startd to write on it....I said stop it and she said I shoud put a big X though the whole thing....and was threatening me with keeing it....She called the other drugstore implying something was up.....it was awful....there were many people around, and i was mortified...really....all her accusatins were not true.....SHE WAS POWER TRIPPING....especially about keeping the prescription.......I was dumbfounded......I left so angry....the other drugstore was closed by the time I got to that town....so I drove home seeting with anger....the prescription was for my regular ms contin not the suboxone as I had blown my w/d time re the cost thing....  So Sat morning I drove to my regular drugstosre with the prescription...it was marked up by the pharmacist from  the night before....and the pharmacist that was on was new so she was weary of the prescription, and because ot was her the other called the evening before she said seh would fill it until she spoke ot he doctor.....Thank God my doctor was workign Saturaday...normallyhe doesnt....she called his ofice but he wouldn't take her call....he was on by himself and it was non stop patients...he wouldn't call to the end of the day which was 1:00.....this is standard practice to make his calls last.....so I had to wait from 9 until 1:30 to get my prescription.....I was suppose to have it the nigh before and the moring so I was feeling edgy to begin with.......so what do I do.....What I'm not suppose to and what I have had control over ......i binged.....yep....I was so angry I took3 pills instead of one.....I had planned so much gardening for the day....I had been keeping myself piositive, but I felt so drained, and thought other people who have a certain amount of power force themselvs inot a private matter and muck it all up........I've contacted by e.mail the ownres of the drugstore, my Friday night experience and told them I'm coming in to see them abouta Maria's treatment ofme and her accussatons made in pubilc....This has really thrown me off.....I was so ready, I barely ever abuse, but this is jsut the kind of thing to happen tomake me do it.....I'm going to see this through, charge her.....if this was aan isolated case that would be chalked up to a bad mood, but I have been treated so badly by her several times, and now this is the last......This week was full of stuff like this......Like everything that had power over me got to me......it is too much so then I do the most stupid thing by taking extra pills....all it di dwas knock me our and I fell asleep......I didn't get one thing done yesterday that I planned on....I'm so upset by this....so today I feel crumby by taking too many pills yesterday......I'm definelty getting a new drugstore....I ahd gone to the one because of convenience....closer to driving to wehn I come bck from seeing my doctors.....but now I need  new one...fresh start.....but the irony is my Chruch is in Bridgetown, and I'm selling my house and wanted to move to Bridgetown, and that is where the Friday night problem happened.....I belive she should loose her job.....really if yoi knew how she ahs treated me and becsuse Iam an addict.....no empathy, I'm only to be mistrusted.....enough is enough....so I missed church this morinng, and I have t meet the owners of hte other drugstore at 1:00.....I'm going to Walmart to get a recorder in case she is there and teh Owners hav not shown up yet....I just sent them an elmail this moring........You know I'm a Christian and I do believe in teh dark side....that when you want to improve everything will get in your way to prevent it.....that is what this feels like and it feels like I'm really going to have to cover myself in prayer.....

I'm so exhausted by all this stupid addiction has cost me......I never would have thought last week I would hve abused....I also believe that what other speak over  you has power...by her saing those things had an impact on me.....I feel really badly now....very tired.....wasted the whole weekend over this.....

hope veryone else is doing better.  

Deb

It's a go.....

Jul 01, 2008 - 0 comments

I'm talking to myself here...all is arranged to go to the doctors on Thursday....I have Kris and Irene taking me...so kind of them.....I am so grateful Karen put out a call to the church members to step forward and help me....I couldn't do it without them....they are loving me and that makes all the difference....


Yesterday I ran around all day as the stores were closed today for Canada day...I got the houes in relatively good order, still have some dishes...I pray I won't get too sick....I'm going to watch the healing revival....


you can do htis ......yes I can...for me....my life back....




Whew what a day

Jun 29, 2008 - 1 comments

Oh Deb you  are tired right now....this morning I felt so crumby and I thought how will feel Monday morning to drive to my doctors so I  took my pill.....and I went to Church.....I had an awesome experience in church.....they all know my situation so I feel comfortable to be myself there, thought Iknw they don't understand...they bless me.....tonight I wrote to my Pastor's wife and explained that Ineeded a ride to my doctors....she e.mailed me back that she has two woman who volunteered so my prayer has been answered.....it looks like thursday or friday to go....yipee...

I am so ready to do this....this is such a relief off my mind, as I knew I could not make the 2 hour drive on day 3 of cold turkey withdrawal off morphine.....I will wnat to be at the door of his office wehn it opens....I have to call the drugtore too to make sure they get the suboxone in......I'm so grateful for te new friends I am making here....everyone hs been so supportive.....

okay go to bed Deb you are exhausted....I'm going to try and mak the early swim tomorrow......

sleep tite

Didn't plan well enough

Jun 29, 2008 - 0 comments

Well I can't beat myself up as I've done that enough....my intentions were right, but I just felt so lousy this morning I thought Iwill feel worse tomorrow morning and I won't be able to drive allthe way to my doctors as it's 2 hours....then hang around by myself in between the two doses he gives me....I need someone with me....then I realized the drugstore will be closed on Tuesda for Canada day so I would be able to get a prescription, so I look at this as a trial run......actually I know if I knew someone was picking up in the morning and would be with me all day I could have continued.....so I took one pill today....not two....so maybe I will only need one day off completely to start the suboxone....I wish I could get subutex for those two days....but this is CAnada and they jsut don't get it.....

Deb I still love even though plans changed....

I will see if I can aim for Wed to see the doc so it will be maybe one in the morning and then nothing till Wed...aim for that and get hte house in order....