Life has changed a lot.  Miss Kalista will be 4 on February 25th and she was taken to the hospital yesterday.  She has double pneumonia, her immunity count has dropped to 230 (they stop chemo at 500) and her hemoglobin is 5 (they transfuse at 7 and did so).  She is on antibiotics 3 x a day for 10 days and will have another transfusion on Friday.  Chemo has stopped and with her immunity so low it allows the opportunity for the leukemia to return ... but we continue to pray and entrust her to our Lord Jesus.  Please pray for her and feel free to add her to any prayer chains.

I am helping to take care of Ron's father.  He has 2 broken hips and bedsores on his feet.  The one hip and both bed sores, requiring 1/2 of his heel bone (bone infection and blood infection) to be removed in surgery was caused by a negligent nursing home (and they didn't even tell the family).  He is full care and requires full assistance so there is not much time for anything else.  

Still unemployed, which runs out in March.  Not sure what that will mean.  

Take care everyone and please help each other.  I miss you all very much and am currently only able to be on the  computer at the library 1 x a week for a short time.

Many Hugsss ..

Ranae  

The past few weeks have presented some opportunities that are testing the level of my patience, the inner strength that is gained through perseverance and the gentleness that survives the toughest challenges.  As a stone is carved, bit by bit, into a mighty masterpiece, I am being molded to be a better person and one that is stronger by the tempering of these events.

Ron's dad had a broken hip and was recuperating and, as is normal, wanting to return home as soon as possible.  While his family has made daily visits to him, and stayed with him and supported him through dialysis as well, he fell out of bed and broke his other leg just below the hip joint.  He has been in the hospital and has just recently returned to the nursing home.  His initial goal, with one broken leg, was to come home for Thanksgiving and then return to the nursing home after a day with his family.  He kept that goal when he returned to the nursing home following a second broken leg and the subsequent surgery.  I leaned down and gently told him it was not possible for him to go home for this Thanksgiving .. but we could make it a very special one and bring Thanksgiving to him and celebrate with him in the nursing home ... and that is what is planned over the next few days.

Additionally, my 101 year old grandmother, the one who my sister and I stayed with (she and grandpa) is failing.  She is down to 93 pounds, can barely eat more than a few spoonfuls of any one item, her food has to be pureed for her to swallow and her liquids thickened to the consistency of nectar to keep her from choking.  I am heading to court today to follow the wishes she made in 1985 for my father (First, now deceased) and then me to become her guardian and conservator.  I saw her yesterday and she asked my name, but then remembered the weekends we spent together and the many holidays at their home.  When I left, I cried. Not because grandma has not had a wonderful and long life, but because of the shape she is in and that the end is coming.  We have talked for many years and grandma is ready to go home and wishes no intervention or trips to the hospital.  The DNR and DNH are in place and I've met with hospice and they are checking her daily and watching her weight.  It is their feeling, and mine, that she will "sleep away" ... as she sleeps most of the time now and doesn't rouse when examined or someone is in the room talking with her for 45 minutes.  She is tired.  Grandma is the most precious woman and is responsible for my faith and teaching me how to be a grandma.  She taught me to sew, knit, crochet, play linking the monkeys together, playing old maid, checkers, sewing cards, pixie pick-up sticks and read to us constantly from the safety of her lap and her loving arms around us.  She gave me the nurturing and physical touch I so needed as a child.  

Miss Kalista is on maintenance now for the next 2+ years and her hair is growing back (fuzz) although she rapidly corrects you and says it is "coming out" (of her head).  My oldest grandson is having major adjustment issues which have turned physical and though he is in counseling, he is out of control.

My daughter is unemployed and failing financially as am I.  I have 2 more weeks of unemployment and then it is supposed to convert to the extension of 13 weeks.  About the only thing left to do is to sell everything I have to try to keep the house payments up for a year ... knowing the end result may be foreclosure or selling before foreclosure can happen.  Meanwhile .. I am looking at filing bankruptcy, which is a stress of it's own, especially when I have about 13 boxes of paper to go through.

Overall, I have days I cry and days I smile.  I allow myself the tears as part of the process but don't lavish in them.  I still count my blessings and know there are many experiencing the same thing.  I have returned to church and had the great honor of participating in the data entry of more than 400 older school children who want more for their lives and have turned to Jesus.  That, in and of itself, is healing.

My weight waivers up and down between 5 lbs, which is okay, being I'm not fixing "meals" and on the run.  The scale is my friend as it keeps me honest.  If it goes up too much, I know to cut it down for the next day or two.

Am hoping to find some "alone time" after Thanksgiving where I can get back to MedHelp and helping others.  I've learned NOT to ask what else is around the corner ... and am taking one day at a time.

Hang in there .. it does get better ... and what is that old saying ... ".... makes you stronger"

It has been a fun yet exhausting weekend ... full of emotional ups and downs.  Determined to not binge, I find myself hardly eating.  Am going to the therapist this morning and will journal later.  Just wanted to say "hello" to everyone and I'll be online later this afternoon when I get done .. and perhaps take a nap .. those sessions can be quite draining.

"Life has its ups and downs but you have the option to follow it or not."  Unknown

Well, I'm up a little but not concerned.  Have been eating healthy but haven't been drinking enough water so could be water weight AND I've not been formally exercising .. duhhhhh.

I know what I have to do .. just LOVE that this tracker reminds me ... I just have to be honest in posting!

Ranae's Weight Tracker