Mood Tracker Journals
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First day of school

Sep 26, 2013 - 0 comments

First day of classes.
Went well. The animal science lab was beyond fun.
The abnormal psych prof was so impressed with me he wants to talk to me during his office hours.
Other than that- EXHAUSTED. Had to take multiple Xanax throughout the day in order to not freak out.
Whew. Exhausted...

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Medication Changes

Sep 25, 2013 - 0 comments

Saw the psychiatrist.
-Xanax increased from .5mg to 1mg. Can split in half if necessary.
-Put on Zyprexa but couldn't get any from the pharmacy today so didn't get to take any today.... really unfortunate.
Have to go back in 2 weeks. Am hopeful about the Zyprexa. Anxiety has been better yesterday and today.
I also managed to see my boyfriend today which was AMAZING. I've missed him like crazy.
School starts tomorrow. With all the panic I am scared but I've got a hefty supply of Xanax to get me through it all. Hope I can get to class on time and what not. I am excited and want to do my best this quarter!

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Anxiety, Shopping & Friends!

Sep 24, 2013 - 0 comments

Last night my anxiety spiked up and down. I spent all day around my mom. And right before bed I broke  down completely. My mom showed up again and held me as I sobbed. She put a cold cloth on my back and it was very helpful. She stayed with me until I went to 1am and I was ready to sleep. It was very kind and sweet of her. She suggested that instead of going up to see my friends (today) I should stay go shopping with her.
Today I ended doing all of those! We went to the thyroid doc (my levels were better than normal!) and then the mall for lunch. I was just looking at clothes while my dad got the new iphone but it was the oddest thing. Someone was taping a web show there and the store was kind of empty. The employee there decided to become my friend and we talked a lot.
My mom showed up and well, my mom bought me $200 worth of clothes. Which is an insane amount... and she did it all to make me feel better. I can't believe she did that for me. With all the money my family has been spending on my sisters wedding and what not, I was surprised she bought me so much. But it was nice and I spent the rest of the day in such a joyful mood because of it. It was the best shopping experience of my life, between the super friendly employees and my mother being extra generous.
I spent the rest of the day with my friends and I felt great, relieved.
Until I had to go home... and now, if it weren't for the Xanax... I'd be a wreck.
But the thought of the new clothes... the great time with friends. It was really good. But the anxiety yesterday was hellish.
I see the psychiatrist tomorrow. I'm hoping this goes well. I start college back this Thursday. So... I need to be stable.
Let's hope for the best.

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Going Off Seroquel

Sep 23, 2013 - 0 comments

Looks like the Seroquel is causing the panic attacks. And according to internet posts by people who experienced the same thing- it isn't going to go away. All the posts I saw were identical to my experience. They think they're getting a heart attack, they describe it as the worst attack they've ever had, that it occurs an a bit after taking the dosage. That they've been on it for a while and it was a sudden onset. So many of the small details are identical down to the nitty gritty.

I am not going to sleep. I am too terrified of the medication. That medication was my salvation and it was so beneficial. I feel like it has betrayed me. I would rather go sleepless than endure the anxiety again. I will fix this, I have to before school starts. I'm anticipating mood swings. I am already slightly hypomanic as I write this. Staying up extra late tends to do that. And all the energy from helping my boyfriend with his schoolwork and then researching the Seroquel and then the new iOS 7 has triggered me into an excitable state.

It will be okay. The next few days will be erratic and I will be unreliable. But I am not going to endure the anxiety the medication causes. I can find a medication combo to sleep when I become desperate.

Things are going to get weird. But I'm mentally prepared- but maybe that's just the hypomania speaking (but who cares if it is?).

My fingers are slipping over the keys... racing thoughts. Everything the Seroquel fixed. Its going to come back.

****.

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