All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

Aussie Aussie Aussie

Feb 17, 2009 - 2 comments
Tags:

treatment

,

Eating

,

family

,

Weight



I am writing from the middle-of-nowhere in Australia! My family and some great friends decided that this was the best clinic for me to have a chance at getting better and it is actually summer over here and I am not freezing anymore! It's so fun to be in the sunshine. I am getting fulltime treatment including new and "secret" alternative treatments.

I am a bit down in my weight but I expect it will go up again with all the weird things I have been eating... everyday I try something new. I am actually very excited at the moment because they are giving me hope...

Marshmallow Girl...

Feb 08, 2009 - 1 comments

First I want to thank everyone for their prayers and good wishes... I just logged on and it was so nice to read my messages and notes! Such warmth and care from people I have never met - it makes me feel loved.

I had a very bad blood infection.  My doctors doubled my calories via my feeding tube again... and I have gained weight but I think I look bigger than I actually am due to the steroids and fluid retention. My kidneys are failing and I am on low salt, low protein and low phosphorus which severely limits me in addition to my celiac disease... which is ridiculously limiting -  not that I was really eating much but now even if I want to I can't. I'm also not supposed to drink too much.

I am really just so HAPPY to be home and in my own bed again! I hate being in the hospital and I barely sleep there. I am exhausted.

I feel thankful but I also don't know how much more of this I can take.




Gaining Weight and Some Hope

Jan 18, 2009 - 1 comments
Tags:

gaining weight

,

antibiotics

,

calories

,

nausea

,

anorexia



I am not supposed to weigh myself yet but I couldn't wait... I just knew I had to have gained and I did! I am up to 106 the absolute highest EVER... I am definitely bloated and I think the weight is all going to my belly because I look slightly pregnant - but I know that can even out soon... I can see my cheek bones are softening out a bit.

I am on a very strong IV antibiotic now so I am having all of that... bad nausea, tired etc. but I have been doing Yoga and Pilates at home and it's relaxing me a lot. I know this is cheating but my doctor put me a new antidepressant to help and we'll see if it does.

I only have 9 more pounds to reach my goal! I am pushing calories day and night - thanks to my gastric feeding tube... and hoping for the best!

I'm Sad and Losing Hope

Jan 12, 2009 - 4 comments
Tags:

losing hope

,

sadness

,

scared

,

Dying



I am in a state of sadness and shock right now.  My doctor told me that he thinks I am going to die! I cannot believe he said that to me!!! He actually had tears in his eyes when he told me that I'm dying - he cares about me. He said that my body is too weak and he sees that it's failing and breaking down and I'm getting infection after infection and he fears I will eventually not be able to fight the infections anymore! I can't believe this! Many people have told me that I could die but I really think I am going to die.

I am such a fool for thinking I'm going to have a family and a life...  my dream. It just doesn't look like that is going to happen for me. I am so scared and mad and sad...

This is just sick and I cannot believe it is my life.