Just when I think I am getting a few steps ahead, I jump back 10 steps. So this weekend I showed up to do my STS for the county and apparently I have been terminated from the program because of too many absences. Today I called the head guy of the program and even with my doctors note excusing me I am still kicked out of the program. The man that I talked to was the most disrespectful, rude and condecending man that has ever spoken to me. So now he told me that my only option is to do 10 days of straight time with no work release which means that I will most likely lose my job and I told him about it and he said basically that it wasn't his problem. So now I have to write a letter appealing my wrongful termination and wait till that gets denied, I know it will because the person that is going to read it is the same guy that I talked to today on the phone. He seriously pissed me off so bad I burst into tears of pure rage and he is very lucky that we were not speaking in person because I dont know what I would have done, but It wouldnt have been good. So now I am sitting here with anxiety so bad I cant stand still or even concentrate on anything, and all I keep thinking about is all of the problems that I am having Financially, Legally, personally, and I keep struggling from day to day to try and find a good piece of mind but it is hidden from me. I can't be happy without the help of Suboxone. I just want to give up and forget everything, today I was driving home and pondered on the Idea of just letting go of the wheel while driving down the freeway, but the thought of my child growing up without a father is not fair. I just try so hard but yet I make stupid decisons and it always comes back to bite me in the ***. All I had to do was finish 15 days of STS but I couldnt even do that. Now I blame the judicial system, but in the end it was my choice to punch that kid and thats what lead me to here. Tommorrow I am going to go through another maze at the county to try and see if someone could get me into the work release program so I at least don't lose my Job. I pray that everything will be ok but I still sit and think and think about all the **** going wrong in my life and It dwells in my mind.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the knowlege to know the difference. Forgive me for my sins and bless my family and friends with prosperity and good health, and dear father god please give me the strength to make it through these rough times and take my life into your hands when I dont have the strength.
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