The chronic pain has been back for a while now. When I take medication and it actually works, I will be pain free for a few hours, but the pain always returns.

My lowest (non-medicated) pain level has been at about a 3/10.

My highest (non-medicated) pain level has been at about a 8/10.

My regular migraine headaches, prior to medication, are ranging between a 5/10 to a 7/10.

Taking acute migraine medication often only brings the acute migraine pain back down to a 3/10, but sometimes it will get rid of the pain completely for a few hours.

I'm also getting a negative scotoma (visual aura) almost daily. Paresthesias (pins and needles/numbness) isn't as common as the visual aura is, but it's still happening more often than normal for me. Nausea has been a big problem lately too.

I am starting to feel worn out and I know that the increased and near-constant pain is beginning to wear on me both physically and emotionally. I am much more irritable than normal and much less motivated. More and more I am feeling the need to shut down, that is, I feel like I need to pull away from social activities and avoid making any sort of commitments. I even feel like hope is a draining emotion at this point. I'm just tired, I think.

I am seeing my neurologist soon, so that is a good thing. He will change my preventative treatment plan to get this all under control.

But, until I see my neurologist, I mostly want to just rest and avoid activity. Even basic tasks are exacerbating the pain. Showering or bathing seems like a huge accomplishment most days. Getting dressed is a lot like willingly throwing weights on my shoulders and tying tight elastics around my body. Putting on make-up and doing my hair is exhausting. Most days, I'm lucky to get all this done before it gets dark.

I have a few social commitments that keep my spirits up, and that I really do look forward to all week. But, I have to take my entire acute pain medication regime in order to be present with my friends and even then, the aches and pains still nag at me. I am out entirely after a day when I've socialized. The days after socializing are recovery days, complete write-offs.

Normally, losing days like that, needing recovery days, wouldn't bother me much. But, next week I am going to attempt to go back to school part-time.

I haven't been able to work or go to school for over a year. I'm not really sure why I'm trying again. Well, I miss it. I miss my field, I miss having a passion. I miss school.

Still. Part of me knows that I actually just can't do this. It physically isn't possible. This is not defeatist talk, I really just don't have the pain-control or the energy to finish a part-time course. When I say that I know I can't do this, it would be like an average person saying "I know I couldn't finish 10 full-time courses if I tried to take them all at once." No one would accuse them of being a defeatist or try to convince them that they could.

I'm just hoping that whatever my neurologist switches me to works this time. Maybe, if it works, I might have a chance at getting through this term.

I'm not too depressed about it all though, I really just feel tired. If I make it through the first week of class, that will be a huge accomplishment and I won't feel bad about myself if I can't keep going after that. If I make it through the first month, then I'll actually be really proud of myself. If I make it to the midterm, I'll feel like a super hero. Making it to the end of the course, well... that would really just be a miracle, so I'd rather just focus on getting through each day and just be proud of myself for that.

Migraine Tracker

air pressure is currently decreasing rapidly, could explain current migraine.

the weather forecast reports that dewpoint is going to increase rapidly overnight too.

lots of weather triggers right now. no wonder i hurt a lot.

Migraine Tracker

i think the wind made my headache a lot worse today.

Migraine Tracker

there is a (local) temperature and humidity trigger warning for tonight, around a moderate risk right now.

Migraine Tracker