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My mother is loosing the fight

Jan 13, 2011 - 8 comments

Once again I am faced with a really tuff decision regarding a parent. How is a child yet a full grown adult suppose to do that?

My mom is in a nursing home and is fighting dementia. She had a aortic aneurysm and had to have surgery and she was never the same.

Mom was fighter, always, strong willed, just plain strong.

Now she is on the loosing end of her fight. Ya see dementia dosen't kill you, it just takes away everything you hold dear, like
eating, breathing.

We are almost at the crossroads where we have to make a decision about a feeding tube. She is forgetting how to eat, swallow
and had lost 18 lbs is 4 weeks, She will eat when we feed her.

She is a DNR but how do I let her starve? She is not in a comma just out of her mind. She is in a wheel chair but not bed ridden.

She is my best friend. My heart is being ripped apart.

I am not as strong as she is....

A new journey is beginning

Aug 18, 2010 - 0 comments

I have to say after 10 years in this house we have ton of memories. Some so good and others just bad.
My whole married life, meeting my stepsons, tons of learning, and became clean.
It is not the house I amattched to at all. Just all the memories.
I am scared, really nervous and excited to! I will be further away from mom at the nursing home.
Sometimes that is not such a bad thing. Horrible to say but sometimes it is just so hard to go there. I lost my dad in the place. Sometimes she knows me and others......

Good news is I get to take all of you with me. I find that a real comfort! Made some real friends here.
We move on Wed. Have to take 4 cats on a 4 hour drive Ihope they survive lol!  They are not real good travelers.
Windows down, Ipod plugged in my ears!!!!

It is just so hard to believe we are doing this.
So if I am not around as much for a week or so please forgive I will be busy pulling my hair out ;)

2nd Christmas without you!

Dec 23, 2009 - 10 comments

Hi Dad,

Almost Christmas eve and I have been throwing myself into baking,shopping for your grandsons anything really just to  keep busy. Dad I really wish you were here.
Mom is about the same and yes I go to see her still every Wed. Going to Susies house for Christmas as usual if the  weather allows. Yes we will be having tenderloin like you always wanted and potato pancakes. Jim is always so proud becuse you taught him how to touch the beef to see if it is done.  Ohh and mom's cheese pie too.

The emptiness sometimes is overbearing  dad. Are you OK? Do you think of me too?

Merry Christmas Daddy. I love you and miss you so much.

Your loving daughter,


Happy Fathers Day Dad

Jun 21, 2009 - 1 comments

I miss you and I am thinking of you.

Love you Always,