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What's after Success?

May 12, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

successful

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Depressionion

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success

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Love

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TIME

,

mood tracker

,

feel

,

people

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Anxiety

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help

,

college

,

thoughts

,

next

,

adoption

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acheivement

,

desire

,

Relationships



I fear achieving my desires. How am I ever supposed to be happy with this fear?  I want to love and be loved.  But I'm afraid of loving and being loved.  I don't trust those feelings at this moment.  I want to become an occupational therapist eventually.  But I'm also afraid of doing so.  What if I don't want to do that after I've sent thousands of dollars on school and year of my time wasted?  What do I do then? waste more time? What if I fall in love and the other person doesn't actually love me?  

I want to eventually adopt, but then I fear adopting as a single mom.

What is up with this irrational thinking?  Why can I go anywhere?  Why do I feel safe and unsafe at the same time?  I want to crack out of this routine of thoughts! :o(

My Sinus Cavities Shall Bring me to my death!

Apr 02, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

sinus cavity

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sinus

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Death

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Pain

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help

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Allergy



My Sinus cavities have been bugging me since about December. Late November, early december the docs claimed that I had allergies.  Late December I was diagnosed with strep throat.  January I'm still having issues but things worsten a bit and I was diagnosed with a sinus infection. early february my sinus infection hadn't gone away so I was given more antibiotics though thtere was no longer any proof of infection.  later in Febrearuy maybe March I'm still having trouble and I end up with a bladder infection and again treated for allergies.  bladder infection goes away and my sinuses worsten.  The doctors ask me what it feels like.  All I can say is that it feels as though someone is trying to pull my big ole brain out through my ear, nose, and throat.  It hurts all over, but it hurts deathly on my right side.  If I were suicidal, I would definitely kill myself because of this. This is how horrid it is.  I'm giving the doctors here one more month to figure things out.  Then I will hand it over to doctors in another town.  I cannot work in these conditions.  I do not want to eat it hurts so bad. my sleep is disturbed and I've been taking 800mg of ibuprofen every 4hours which seems to help a little but it doesn't stop the pain comepletely and seems to work less and less now for shorter periods of time.  I know that I would need something prescribed to stop the pain and swelling, but whater the doctors are trying is not working.  I don't want to overdose and shut down other things in my system, but I now understand why perfectly good people DO overdose.. no one is out there to help them.  Or no one can find the answer fast enough.

I went to the Ear nose and throat specialist,  They will be running a CT of my sinuses later this month.  I also have an appointment with an allergy specialist later this week.


AAAAHHHHH this is sooooo stressful.  so ridiculous.  I shouldn't feel this way!

Symptoms: Swollen throat (red on right side), Swollen nasal cavities, dranage in ears, nose and throat, headaches, awaken to red puffy right eye

*Also have papiledema which may or maynot be related

Out with KS

Aug 27, 2010 - 0 comments

cousin's bday at apple bees

Fitness Index

Apr 21, 2010 - 0 comments

F = 27 = fair