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Coming back down to earth...

Mar 22, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

down to earth

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friends

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helping others



After being hypomanic for 4 days, I think I'm coming down. Spent the whole day out with friends yesterday, and managed to avoid any trouble... even made it through Oxford St without going bankrupt ;). Today havent necessarily felt manic, but I'm still feeling good... normal even. I was hoping that it would stay that way, though after helping a few friends through their various "crises", I fear I may be coming down again.

Why is it that I'm the one they always come to?

None of them really know that I'm bipolar, most just see me as moody, though two know something isnt quite right after a big emotional outburst as I went from hypomanic to depressed in front of their very eyes (by the look on their faces, you'd think I was transforming into a werewolf! lol). And one of them later called me a manic depressive... though I'm not sure what he meant by that or if he even knows what it means, but the point is I still couldn't tell him.

I think that's why I always try to act emotionally detached... my emotions kept safely behind a dam and opening the floodgates has disastrous consequences. I think that is why they all come to me with their problems, they never really see the pressure that is built up behind that dam. I love helping people out, (hell, if I can't get my own life in order, might as well help out someone else!) but I need to learn to stop, or at least pull back when it starts affecting my stability.

Mania

Mar 20, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

manic

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drained

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horny

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sleep



Another manic day, 4am, can't get to sleep. Managed to keep myself indoors and not go out and go "crazy" even though I'm horny as hell! Think I'm finally starting to slow down, though I hope it wont leave me too drained for the day ahead!

Walking on Sunshine!!!

Mar 19, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

manic

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sunshine

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fast

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buy

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spree



Wow feel great! started out crappy, then felt fine and then got manic! Went on a bit of a spending spree but didn't buy anything I can't afford, so it's all good! :D Yeah, this one's gonna be short because my fingers arent fast enough for my brain!

Tired

Mar 18, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

sleep

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episodes

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mixed episode

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Insomnia



Tired physically and emotionally. Didnt sleep at all last night, though didnt really feel manic, maybe anxiety or another mixed episode. Hate this.
I hate the fact that I when I'm actually able to sleep, I regret the fact that I'm still alive.
On the bright side, despite anxiety attacks I was actually able to leave my house for the first time in 5 days, even if only for a while, but it all seems so pointless now.
Yesterday was the same, don't even remember it now... not that I want to, and unfortunately ended up self harming again. What is wrong with me? I stopped! Why am I back at the same place I was years ago?!