If ever I was gonna relapse and take pain meds today would have been the day. And not for pain either. Just a ridiculous amount of stress. I now see WHY I took so many opiates for such a long time. I NEED TO FIX MY LIFE before it comes back to bite me. Not sure where to start but I have to make some MAJOR changes. And I am going to make this a priority because nobody and nothing is going to stand in the way of my recovery. I came dangerously close to giving up today because my whole life has turned into a big no-win situation. Time to clean house emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Wish me luck.

Wow today is 70 days opiate free for me. I don't post much anymore (but I do check in several times a day) but for me 70 days is a big deal. Mostly I feel amazing and have resumed my ridiculously busy life. I do suffer a little from lack of energy and MILD depression but I know this is normal and will get better and better with time. You can't fix 15 years or more of damage to your mind and body in such a short time.

You know what I love? I can have a busy busy day and be at my grandkids' sports in the late afternoon and I don't have to worry if I have enough pills with me. I never have to leave anywhere and bail out on the people I love because I don't have enough meds with me. The freedom from those d*** pills is AMAZING!

Now my next task is to quit smoking. I can't believe I am finding it harder to quit cigarettes than I did vicodin! I have been trying everything and nothing is working. I have to figure this out because it is driving me crazy. I really want to quit but can't seem to win this battle. But I will keep trying and I WILL beat this one too.

For today I will celebrate 70 days!

Patty

My youngest daughter was in town this last weekend. (She lives about 4 hours away). Before she left she handed me her Ipod and said "Here Mom I filled this with music specifically for you to listen to for the next few months". I said thanks and didn't think much about it till this morning. I had planned on getting my house cleaned and doing some chores around here that have been severely neglected this last month or so. So I got out the Ipad she left me and put it on before I started cleaning.

I don't know how many hours she put into making this for me but I could not believe what I was hearing!! Almost every song was about determination and finding strength. Every genre from hard rock to country to classical. And every song made me feel like I could conquer the world. It was amazing! Every song personally touched some part of my soul. Boy does that girl know her momma! Bonnie Raitt's "I will not be broken" to ACDC's "Back in black", etc, etc.

And mixed in with all those I can conquer the world songs were songs that my mother used to love. I have no idea how she found out what songs and artists reminded me of my mother but man that girl did her research! (She is a research scientist, lol). It felt as if I was 4 years old and with my Mom again. It was beautiful and painful all at the same time.

If I live to be 100, I will never, ever forget this incredible gift from my daughter. And the funny thing is that I was starting to think my kids were getting sick of my recovery, like ok it's been a month, enough already. Man was I wrong. She has to have been working on this every day since my first day. I am the luckiest woman alive.

Sorry for the long post but this just knocked my socks off!!

I slept for the first time in 25 days last night. Slept for 9 hours straight, got up had a cup of coffee and slept for 2 more! That is all-Just the wonder of sleep. Carry on!