Had my first ultrasound yesterday, boy was I excited! Couldn't concentrate at work at all, just thinking about the u/s and i everything was going to be ok... And I was really looking forward to seeing my boyfriend again ater two weeks. He had promised me, sworn to me that he would be there to see our baby for the first time. It gave me hope that maybe he was going to get interested after all.

So I had my appointment at 8 in the evening, had to be there 19.45 and told DB many many many times throughout the week that he had to be on time because I couldn't afford to wait on him. For those who don't know, he lives in Germany, abou 1,5 hour drive away from me. He said he'd be there on time, even though it was gonna be his first day at the new job. At 19.00 I still hadn't heard from him, if he was on his way over or not. Then the phone rang. It was his home number. I called back, said: "Are you still in Germany??" I couldn't quite believe it.
"Yeah, I just got back from work." he replied.
"But then you're never gonna make it in time to see the baby." I nearly cried at this point.
"No, unfortunatly. What was I gonna do?!"

I told him 'whatever' after that and hung up. I was soooo disappointed and felt so left alone that I cried all the way to the doc. All the pregnant ladies there had their hubbies/boyfriends with them, that made me cry even harder :( Afterwards when I came back home I tried to call him, but he didn't answer. He hadn't even come to see the pictures or the DVD of the ultrasound, my parents were furious because he had promised that we would all sit down and talk about how to deal with the situation. He just didn't show.

So, now I don't know if I overreacted on this, but I wrote to him on ICQ (since he wouldn't pick up his phone) that things between us are over. I won't take his child from him, he can visit him/her as much as he wants once he/she is born, but right now I can't deal with the disappointment any more. He cancels EVERYTHING, mostely an hour before. I would look forward to spending a weekend together, only to have him cancel in the very last hour before he'd pick me up. Am I overreacting on this? Should I have tried talking to him again first? I miss him terribly, but I'm afraid it's gonna continue this way and disappoint my baby too. Maybe it's too late for talking now anyways. Haven't heard from his since that phonecall yesterday :(

Preggo with numero uno

Okay, so it sorta started with me having to move back from Germany (where I lived with my dad) to Holland (where I live with my mom, her husband and my brother). Since DB lives in Germany still, we would only get to see each other during weekends. Guess that's not happening either!

He lost his job about a week after I moved. I wasn't pregnant at the time, but we were ttc and both very excited about it. We could talk for ages about how he would kiss my belly goodnight every night as soon as I got pregnant. It makes me cry just to think about it, because now that it's actually happening, I don't get to see him because he comes up with reasons why he can't come down that weekend. I don't have a car or a lisence for that matter, so I can't get to him very easilly if I wanted to. His dad has taken the car because he can't afford it at the mo and spends ALL his time driving around his daughter-in-law (which is not me, obviously) and not giving DB a chance to use the car.

Anyhow, I'm a bit of a tough cookie so I can stand the waiting (last time there was 4 weeks between us seeing each other, so far it's been two, going on three since it's not happening this weekend either), but I expected us to be all happy and over each other once we got to see each other again. BIG MISTAKE. He gave me a peck on the lips, asked me how I was and marched on inside to say hi to my mom. We had a wedding thing that weekend, so barely time for each other, plus my sister's birthday on Sunday so even less time. He barely looked at or talked to me, spend the Sunday evening we did have together with his back turned to me in bed, watching TV. I could only think: why the hell is he not all over me, after 4 weeks of not seeing each other at all?? Why isn't he even looking at me?

At this time I had discovered a week or so before that I was pregnant, and I thought he'd be totally thrilled about it. At least he was on the phone, but once we went to bed to sleep, he didn't even say goodnight to me, let alone give the belly a kiss goodnight. I had been looking forward to that so much and he just jackassed his way through it. I'm just very sad about everything and don't know what to do. He said he wants to come to the first u/s but I'm not sure any more if I want him to when he's behaving like this.

:(:(:(

Preggo with numero uno

Good Lord, my pregnancy symptoms have kicked in heavily now. Even though I'm deadly tired past 9 o'clock in the evening, I can't fall asleep properly. I feel like I'm going through puberty again. Got very hard time getting up in the morning, my mom is probably starting to wonder what's going on!
I passed by a babyshop yesterday and decided to go in to check out the maternity clothes. There was a line of cute stuffed animals and I wanted to buy one as a present for my boyfriend, a.k.a. nervous daddy-to-be and started crying. I don't know why; I felt pretty okay, at least not as bad as I should've for breaking down in the middle of a store. The lady working there came over and I stood there explaining, with tears treaming down my face, that I found out that I'm pregnant only a few days ago and that I have no idea why I'm currently crying. The woman rubbed my back and nodded with an understanding smile on her face. "It''s very normal, hun." she told me. It made me cry even more.

The nastiest thing is now is the heartburn that has started yesterday evening (at least i think it's heartburn. It's a burning sensation on my chest, starting after I feel a little nauseous). Oh yeah, the nausea has hit me too, somewhat. Not the puky kind, just the nasty I-am-hungry-but-nauseous-at-the-same-time kind. Add to that the feeling that I've just had a boob-enlargement, that my nipples are about to pop off and throughout everything I have to eat all day long.

Finally, after 3 weeks of not seeing each other, the Boyfriend and me will see each other on either Friday evening or Saturday morning. Finally! I can't wait to see him, I've missed him so much! He said he's very eager to say hello to his baby for the first time :D



Preggo with numero uno

I'm noticing now how many pregnancy symptoms I've actually had in the past week or so, most of them I just tried to ignore (wanting to sleep all the time: check. Feeling hungry an hour after a full meal: check. Extremely sore boobs and nipples: check). It's funny how you focus on the 'big tells' and miss out on the smaller ones. I thought cravings only came in the form of food; I've been craving Coke without wondering why at all. It just tastes so good!

Today I've slept a lot, ate a lot and now that I'm laying in bed, my lower abdomen are hurting a little. It feels like someone is trying to stretch out all my muscles - which is probably exactly what's happening, but okay. I'm extremely tired and don't look forward to work at all tomorrow, but we'll see how things go. At least I get to snooze in the train.

DB is super excited that it happened so fast and pretty bummed out that he can't be with me right now; we haven't seen each other in the past 2 weeks and won't either for another week or so. Work just gets in the way and even though we know this will be the last week, it's no fun at all. What I want to do most of all is cuddle up to him and letting him bond with my belly :) I'm hoping he's one of those guys who talks to his unborn child, I'd love that!

Anyhow guys, I'm pooped. Going off to sleep now!

Preggo with numero uno