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years go by so quickly

Oct 20, 2015 - 1 comments
Tags:

anorexia

,

Eating disorders

,

Health

,

Life

,

Blood

,

Eating

,

B12 deficiency

,

Vitamin D Deficiency

,

Iron Deficiency Anemia

,

Mental Health



It has been a long time since i wrote on here! (5 years to be exact - half a decade! i feel so old!)
i am still with the same guy :)
Ive just been reading through my old journal entries and it is suprising how much ive matured sinse then!

I am now a final year student nurse, ive passed my dissertation with a 2:1! the last thing i need to do now is my final nursing placement which starts next week and ends in january. If i pass that then i will be a qualified staff nurse!

Eating wise, im now at a healthy weight (have been for years) but still have problems with the anorexia thoughts. I still havnt been to the doctors and told them about my eating issues. But i have frequent blood tests done as im now deficient in B12 and have to have injections for the rest of my life and im now deficient in vitamin D and sometimes my iron levels. So i have got long term health affects which has been caused by the eating disorder. If i could go back to when i was younger, i would have asked for help. That is one of the main things i have regretted.

Eventhough i have never been to the doctor about it, i do go to an eating disorder self help group which helps alot. These past few months have been very stressful and upsetting for me, so my eating has deteriorated. I thnk im going to have this problem for the rest of my life, i just need to learn ways to cope with it.

The last self help group meeting i went to, i admitted to them that i havnt been eating and not drinking enough either. Which is a massive step for me, as i never tell anyone this! They are offering me support and has advised me to get professional help.

After a long, (almost 10 years) of having messed up eating. I am now trying to find the courage to ask for help. I know this isnt going to be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run. I lost all my teenage years to this and im not willing to loose any more years. I need to get better, i have got health affects caused by this already and it will only get worse if i dont get help.

I have matured now and understand that i cant do this on my own.

random

Nov 02, 2010 - 4 comments
Tags:

Life

,

Eating

,

normal



if anyone did used to read these when i used to write them before il just write a little update on how i am lol :P

right now i feel great :D .... my eating is almost back to normal, i dont cut or anything anymore :D .... well last time i cut properly was about a month ago.

and i probs feel alot better coz ive met the love of my life :D ,,,,, hes great and i know if it wasnt for him i probs be even worse right now :(
ive told him everything and he understands it aswell :D ....especially the cutting coz he used to do it last year .... he dousnt now either :D

everything is just going great for me right now :D :D

thanks for everyone on here who tried to help me :D especially maddie93 :)

hi

Apr 12, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

anorexia



i dont really no what this is journal entry is going to be about .... my heads just messed up right now and a really dont no what to do

my eating is getting worse again!!

a few nights ago i had no energy and i felt so weak, it took loads of energy just to lift my head up :/
i was like that for atleast an hour and then i thought that il have to get something to eat ... i still didnt even get any food till about half an hour later because i was sooo worried about putting on weight
when i finally did get some food i got 1 cracker, i then just sat there looking at it for another 20 mins
thinking stuff like il put on loads of weight if i ate it and that its only me anyways so if something did happen to me no one would be upset
i finally ate the cracker and that took about 15 mins :/

so it took me nearly 2 hours just for me to eat a cracker

i know that i do need to tell someone about this because thats the only way il get better.... but then i know this might sound weird but sometimes i dont want to get help because im terrified of putting on weight and my eating is the only thing i can control

so i really dont know what im going to do :/


getting better

Feb 17, 2010 - 0 comments

i really want to get better and not be anorexic anymore
but its not as easy as that .... its gonna take ages :( .... ive had it for about 4 - 5 years!

and i really do want to get better
today ive ate two meals :)

but i no what its like, ive tried to get better loads of times but then something happens and i go back to ana :(
so im just gonna have to stay strong