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Finally slept on a bed again

Aug 22, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

RLS

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addiction recovery tracker

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sleeping

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books



I've had to simplify my sleeping situation so much to overcome RLS that sleeping on a bed hasn't been an option. Finally last night I got to sleep on my bed again. I finished a book at about midnight, went to sleep and woke up around 5:45am. Not bad!

Bad night

Aug 19, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

Depression

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bad night

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Life

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sleep

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addiction recovery tracker



Ok, so all the **** that I wasn't dealing with during my addiction has taken over my head. So much for sleep. I didn't even want to sleep, because I was too depressed and over myself for the way I treated everyone. I'm so tired of my issues and inability to deal with them in a timely manner. It seems like I have to **** over everyone in my life and drag it out over years so it cuts them to the bone. Feeling some real depression at this point. Might be time to go see the psych before this gets out of hand.

OMG, finally got some serious sleep

Aug 18, 2009 - 4 comments

I got six hours last night on Ambien CR. I honestly didn't think this medication would work for me because my problem seems to be primary RLS (in the arms) related to withdrawal. I was hesitant to take it because the doc said "Trazodone or Ambien, not both", and the Trazadone had been giving me 4 hours most nights. I thought without a strong quick tired feeling I wouldn't be able to overwhelm that terrible RLS feeling enough to drop off. However, I did exactly what you're supposed to do - take the pill at bedtime, make the room dark, lie in one position, stay still, think relaxing thoughts, and doze off. So, I slept from 10:00pm-4:00am and then just hung out in bed awake until 6am. I really really hope this works out again tonight. I've been exercising like a madman to try to overwhelm the fatigue I'm experiencing, but that's only going to work if I get some sleep once in a while.

Weird night

Aug 17, 2009 - 0 comments

It was odd tonight - I actually slept from 10:30pm-12:30am. I got up because I couldn't get back to sleep and was seeing colors sort of slid across my field of vision as I turned my head. That lasted about 5 minutes. Think I'll cut the Trazadone back to half a pill when I lay down, the other half whenever I wake up instead of taking it all at once. I visited my dad today and spent some time with him before making a new meeting on the way home. Also, I took a trip to the mall with my wife and took a route that I used to take to one of my dealer's houses, so I got the first taste of what that feels like (not so good). Finally, I have developed a stupid desire to bulk up quickly and keep having thoughts about using steroids (because those aren't drugs, right?). My sick mind tells me it would be okay if I hopped on a plane and flew to Mexico and got them prescribed to me there, because then it's under the care of a Dr. and that's ok or an outside issue. The dumbest part about this is that about half the reason I want to get bigger is to beat my son's bully's dad's *** should the occasion arise. I think I'm going to mention this "burning desire" (not in detail mind you) in the 6am meeting and see if I can find a sponsor and maybe an anger management meeting. Maybe other expecting dad's go through stress thinking about someone messing with their son - I think the steroid thoughts are just my disease trying to change form again so I've got to get this in check.