Oct 05, 2019
Im feeling like finally I lost my mind, after 12 years of fighting to keep my D alive from bipolar disorder and anorexia nervosa i feel like i had accomplice nothing except the hate and disgust from all my family members, and also I had lost all my “friends”, I had never felt so destroy by life and defeated by problems that look like imposible mountains to climb . The more I know people the more deception I feel abut life and humanity, even my family has abandone me or ignore me because I had become the mental case they don't want to deal with, my husband hates me and on the best days that is only when he need sex is when he goes near me for no more than 30 minutes. I had been all my life a warrior, I had come from a very dysfunctional family with a drunk aggressive father and and passive aggressive mother that never want to leave that crazy life, I had fight for my mental health and the health of one of my daughters for 12 years, I had to tolerate a son in law that married my older D 10 years ago and that hates me and want at any cost to destroy my relationship with my daughter, my 16 years old son is emotionally sick and my middle daughter is in a permanent health crisis from the bipolar and the severe anorexia nervosa, I had seen people destroy her life and given by God the best - no the punishment they deserve- , God has abandone us and im supposed HE laughs at my suffering everyday while they give the rapist and drug dealers all the promises HE put in the bible. I cant find peace, I need to drug myself every night to be able to sleep and I have to fight everyday panic attacks, PTSD, anxiety disorders, severe OCD, exahustation , fybrmialgia and a life that don't make sense anymore.