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Thoughts/feelins

Jul 06, 2009 - 1 comments
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thoughts

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feelins

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hard

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struggle

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Loneliness



Well another day begins......what does this day hold for me?? I have sum financial issues to get sorted out, which I will have the time to go see about tmrw morn as if I dont they will only be in the back of my mind & cause me to worry when lyin in bed at nite. Im still feelin the loneliness, although I had a busy wknd sumtimes once Im back in my flat alone it can be hard. I have my appt on wed to go talk to sum1. I have also got in touch wi sum old friends & am hopin to meet up with them soon. I also have to start thinkin about wether Im gona take up this college place at end of August or look for full time employment as Im really strugln on a part time job and trying to keep up with all my bills, rent, etc
I think thats what makes it hard 4 me2 - am constantly counting the pennies & jugglin money. I know money doesnt necessarily bring me happiness, but it sure does help. I had a good job throoughout my addicition but when I made the decision to clean up (which took almost 3yrs off & on) I stopped working full time (though I did sum work off&on) as I needed to concentrate on me and my recovery.
I sumtimes dont know what Im tryin to say but its nice to be able to pour my heart out on here.

Off for a long bath then get ready for work gona listen to sum tunes as that always cheers me up. xx

Thoughts/feelins

Jul 05, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

happy

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friends

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Recovery

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nice day

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sunshine

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contentment



Wow what a fantastic day yesterday (sat 4th). Gorgeous weather. Was invited by my sis in laws friend to a barbecue out at her house in the countryside. Was a big get together as her bruv & his wife & kids are emigrating to New Zealand this comin thurs - so lotsa adults & kids. Felt a wee bit uncomfortable to start with as I dont know everyone that was ther and as usual I was the only single one (which does my head in sumtimes, like bein the spare part all the time!!) However once I relaxed a bit I really enjoyed myself. Nice to meet new people and this all helps me in my recovery as its puts me in situations that I didnt deal with in my using as I never went out very much unless it was to score!!!
wknds are my hardest so it was nice to have sumthin to do ystrdy. Its a gorgeous day again so Im away to take my book&MP3 down to the beach as its only 5mins from my flat and catch sum rays. Lotsa housework to do but it can wait, who wants to sit inside on a beautiful day like this.
Feelin bit more positive. Breaking ties wi my ex has been hard, but Im not in love and its not fair to string him along or on myself either. Ive moved on with my life and I noticed that he seems the same although he is clean, he still has a lot of the same attitudes as before, judgemental, looking down his nose at people, strong opinions etc etc. Whereas Im much more calm now & I stand up for myself a lot more which when we were togetha for all those years I never did much of at all.
Off out now or Ill miss the best o the day.

Thoughts/feelins

Jul 03, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

thoughts

,

feelings

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hard

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friends



Didnt really have a chance ystrdy durin day to think bout anythin but work - was SO busy, the day just flew in!! Which was good, tho sad that bein inside all day meant I missed out on the gorgeous weather yet again, but hey ho need to earn a crust.

Got home from work then the feelins of loneliness kicked in, I am tryin my best to extend my network of friends but I dont know how to meet like minded people. As usual its all about me!!!! I made a decision to no longer see my ex - he was my ex for a reason, tho I thought we cld try again after bein 2getha for 18yrs, its been hard but I really dont feel the same anymore. Yeah Ill always have a place in my heart for him, but Im no longer "in luv" with him, I can see that clearly now. I have moved on & he hasnt. I think I just need to find out about me this year, tho most of the time I dont like myself too much. I dont want to sit on my own every evenin and find the weekends really hard,

Oh well at least my day wasnt bad & hopefully 2day will be ok 2

Thoughts/feelins

Jul 01, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

sleep

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thoughts

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positive

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drugs

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feelings



Well had busy day today - workin all day (normally just do afternoons). Been very hot as well - beautiful weather but when ur stuck inside putn away deliveries not so much fun. Though I will admit Ive not had time to think bout me so thats been good in sum ways. I quite enjoy bein busy & my colleagues are nice. Gona have sumtin to eat then off out for a walk with a nice male friend as its a beautiful evenin & seems pity to waste it. Im tryin to remain positive. Made appt with my local Drugs Action 2 speak to sum1 so that is nxt wed. Its just that sumtimes my head is burstin and its like no-one understands. My friend who Im away to go out with is also in recovery, tho a little less time than myself so ill be able to chat to him.
Im still not sleepin too well, wakin up a few times tho I do manage to get back to sleep. I think its more to do with stuf on my mind, finances are always a problem. However, Im addressin those issues nxt wk when I have the time to deal with them, tho I took sum steps ystrdy towards dealin with them by making sum phone calls when at my brothers, so onwards & upwards!!!
Hopin to sleep bit beta this eve however its so hot I doubt it but not complainin, well I suppose I am but Im not!!! If that makes sense. Im also tryin to typew with a plastered up finger, cut it at work!! Not the easiest.
Well Ill say bye for now & continue this l8r or tomora