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Weary Day Upon Me

Sep 08, 2014 - 0 comments

Most days I live by what I preach.  I try to remain positive and upbeat in every situation that arises in my days...but I am human.  Sometimes it's one rude interaction or one negative act of aggression or one quick witted slap in the face too many that sends me into a negative tailspin.  I internalize everything.  It's a major flaw in my character.  But it also has the power to bring my positive energy to its knees.   When the world around you seems to suffocate with persistent negativity it ultimately leaves one powerless in trying to keep their beacon of positive light reflecting outward for others to see.  I work diligently at changing myself for the better every single day.  I've come a very long way and I have a long way to go.  As I look back I hardly recognize the girl from 20 years ago but she seems so familiar at the same time.  Accepting and approving myself are sometimes hard to swallow.  I am a very harsh critic of myself...often times too harsh.  On this journey of self-discovery I've come to understand that I DO matter in this world.  Regardless of what I've done in my past it doesn't define who I am.  It just plays the part of the chisel that sculpted my collective thoughts and actions for today.  I am weary today but I won't let it claim tomorrow.

Hellish Life

Aug 04, 2014 - 0 comments

I've created my own personal hell by the careless decisions I've made in regards to my body.  With age and the fleeting of time and loved ones in my life I've come to realize that hell (regardless of what some religions teach) does not have to be FINAL.  My God gave me free will to make changes.  He gave me the signs and tools to dig myself out before I became too "blind" to see.  I've also came to the realization that when we are depressed and full of self-pity we are at our Most Selfish state of mind.  This life is not and never was only about me.  I have wasted so much time medicating myself and losing focus on why I am really here.  I have intentionally set myself up to fail all of my "life's assignments" as a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a friend.  I have done this to myself,  but not anymore.  The fire within me is starting to heat up once more.  I crave change in my life that will impact not only my future but the future of those around me for the better.  I AM digging myself out of this deep, dark, lonely hole.  I want out of this nightmare.  I will never stop Chasing Freedom.  I AM going to be Free.