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The right thing can be the hardest thing

Jun 25, 2009 - 5 comments

Dear Medhelp friends,

I am so thankful for your support and love during this tough time for us. I have a lot of support from my friends and family, but to see you all come around me and be here for me is incredible.  Thank you.

Our little girl had to leave.  Some of you know we were planning on adopting a seven year old girl and she had been in our home since Dec. 23.  Poor thing was so troubled and we were so happy to have her in a stable environment where two parents loved her and cared for her needs.  I'd like to think I was a good mom.

But she had so many traumatic issues and the more comfortable she became with us, the more freely she was able to act out on her true behaviors.  Truth of the matter is, she is not able to survive in a typical home at this time.  She is very sick and needs a lot of help.  Her psychological needs far exceed a home setting and she was become too much for a family to handle.  She needed to go to a facility where she can have other measures in place to protect herself and others around her from herself.

To see such a sweet, charming young girl go through this was incredibly painful.  It also takes up a lot of energy and time.  We don't have other kids, but we have each other and we were unable to continue care for her and sustain a healthy marriage relationship.  So she had to go.

She left on Tuesday and is not coming back.  She did not leave with tears or sadness, she left with anger and harsh violence.  She is unattached.  We are slowly trying to pick up the pieces and detach ourselves.  It is so hard, but it is the right thing to do.

Please pray for us and we get through this next season.  We are so sad and feel like failures.  I feel guilty.  

Please pray for Naudia as she is going to go through some intense treatment.  She has been in foster care for about three years and cannot be adopted with these issues.  At least now the state has awoken to the problems she is having and is going to try to do something about them.  Pray that she will be healed and learn to love herself and others someday.

I will connect with many of you personally, I appreciate you waiting for me.


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145992 tn?1341345074
by mami1323, Jun 25, 2009
I haven't followed your story but it sounds like you did the best you could for her.  I'm sure you feel like you wished you could've done more but she is getting the help she needs.  In the end she will be grateful to you that you have saved her life.  I really do hope she becomes a success and it's you leading her through this that may allow her to be that one day.  You are far from failures, what you did was incredibly kind.  We cannot save the world, we are only human ourselves and you cannot live with someone who is self destructive and who can in turn harm you.  Whether it's a child you are adopting or our own flesh and blood.  You have to know when enough is enough.  I hope you gain the strength to get through this tough time.

127124 tn?1326735435
by have 2 kids, Jun 25, 2009
I agree with Mami.   You did a wonderful thing and you should not feel like a failure.  
I hope you can find peace with your decision.  

582963 tn?1483452520
by LIL_LADY24, Jun 25, 2009
Omg I am so sorry to hear this.  I was there when you and hubby were so excited and over enjoyed about this little girl and I am sad along with you because I understand how you may have not wanted to give her back but at the same time its something that had to be done.  Dont blame yourself, just remember you tried and Im sure you prayed and prayed about this issue and the trials that you had to go through.  I am praying for you and hubby to gain the friendship, love, happiness, and joy that youve once had to return 100% and more.....I love that you did try to adopt her and give her the home and love that she deserve now its up to God to protect, love, nurture, and get her ready so she can have a family one day.......Its amazing how she looked so perfect, happy, and so beautiful and has so much anger and pain...I could have never guessed that.  I love you as a christian sister and I will continue to pray for your family and that little girl......I pray that God blessed you and hubby with a baby of yall own........God is in control so let him fight your battle sis!

405370 tn?1332206110
by Houston79, Jun 25, 2009
mami~thank you for your encouraging words.  
have 2 kids~ thank you for encouraging us to find peace in this
lil_lady~thanks for your prayers.

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by Babybaw4, Jun 25, 2009
OMG I had no idea and your right you do the best thing for her to keep her able and keep you marrige. I know that may seem hard but stay strong and stay focused and must of been so hard for you but at the same time how sad that she has to be so angry at such young age. I will pray for you that you find the strengh to piece your lifes together and take care of yourselfs. My heart is with you. Best of luck to you!

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