Today my husband actually referred to me as his pregnant wife and it felt great. I'm glad it feels like he finally is accepting what's happening. Although all this goodness is happening, I still have yet to get a positive pregnancy test. I'm beginning to get apprehensive, and maybe a little worried. I know that it took a while to get a positive last time though so I'm not sure why I'm so worried. Maybe it's just because I lost the last two. I just can't wait for my husband to get down and talk to my tummy and the baby inside, kiss my belly, take such good care of me just like he did before. I can remember the first time when he would go out for me, regardless of the time of night, to get me what I was craving. I would wake him up in the middle of the night and complain about being cold or wanting water and he would do it without a second thought. I loved that relationship we had and I hope that we can have that again.
Exhaustion hit me really hard today, when I got called into work after going to bed around 4am. I was really nauseous, tired,and it was a little more difficult to smile than I would like to admit. I keep having a temptation to say "oh I'm not feeling well because... I'm pregnant!"... But I know all too well that I can't do that. Especially because I have yet to get a positive test. I'm sure they'd get a kick out of that one. How do you explain that situation to someone? I am going to be feeling sick almost every day and eventually I might even get pulled aside and spoken to about my lack of good performance. Is that when I tell them that I'm pregnant even though I told my husband no one would know until the end of the first trimester? These are the things that I stay up into the wee hours of the night thinking about.
Another thing is I'm so tired all the time that I have to take naps just to get myself through the day. Then when I try to sleep at night, my sleep schedule just gets all screwed up. How the heck am I supposed to stay healthy when I can't have a healthy sleep schedule? And the food cravings?? The things I am craving aren't going to benefit me or a baby. The thing I crave the most is Slim Fast milk chocolate shakes. Slim Fast? Not exactly what you want to be consuming when you want to be putting on weight and taking in the most nutrients possible. Even if I'm not trying to put on weight, I am at least trying to sustain my weight.
So many small, random, scattered thoughts and I should be in bed! Haha. I am off to try to get a good nights sleep so I can hopefully feel good tomorrow.