Mar 04, 2014
So, February sucked for my family. My mom almost died - Thurs. 2/6, we began a month-long journey on her not dying. It was a horrible time, full of terrible pain for her, not sleeping for Dad & I, and the frantic pace that comes with trying to take care of mom, each other, and my mentally-disabled brother. Oh, yeah, and the whole full-time job thing.
All of this would have been hard for a non-anxiety sufferer. Throw in anxiety, and it's just all new fun and games. I do feel so blessed that the Lord carried me through it - when I began this anxiety journey months ago, that was 1 worry: that I wouldn't be able to be the "strong one" anymore. But by the grace of God, I was given plenty of strong to survive.
Not to say I didn't struggle with anxiety, because I did. All of my triggers were present: dehydration, stress, exhaustion, stress, poor nutrition, did I mention stress? So thank God for grace, friends, and medication. Amen.
I know in my head that I'm still very tired. I know in my head I haven't been able to exercise in a month. I'm also about to start my period, so my hormones are fluctuating. And my period's late because I'm starting to show signs of perimenopause. Which brings a whole new set of anxiety thoughts because I'm 37, single, and still want children.
My head knows I've got the deck stacked against me and it's completely understandable that I would be experiencing anxiety right now. It's just - GEEZ! I was doing so well for several weeks. To experience the anxiety again - it's hard not to feel like I'm backsliding.
So, March - please be kind. I'm committing to resting, exercising, and eating better. So please hold up your end of the deal. I'm kind of tired of living minute by minute.