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One minute at a time

Mar 04, 2014 - 3 comments

So, February sucked for my family.  My mom almost died - Thurs. 2/6, we began a month-long journey on her not dying.  It was a horrible time, full of terrible pain for her, not sleeping for Dad & I, and the frantic pace that comes with trying to take care of mom, each other, and my mentally-disabled brother.  Oh, yeah, and the whole full-time job thing.

All of this would have been hard for a non-anxiety sufferer.  Throw in anxiety, and it's just all new fun and games.  I do feel so blessed that the Lord carried me through it - when I began this anxiety journey months ago, that was 1 worry: that I wouldn't be able to be the "strong one" anymore.  But by the grace of God, I was given plenty of strong to survive.  

Not to say I didn't struggle with anxiety, because I did.  All of my triggers were present: dehydration, stress, exhaustion, stress, poor nutrition, did I mention stress?  So thank God for grace, friends, and medication.  Amen.

I know in my head that I'm still very tired.  I know in my head I haven't been able to exercise in a month.  I'm also about to start my period, so my hormones are fluctuating.  And my period's late because I'm starting to show signs of perimenopause.  Which brings a whole new set of anxiety thoughts because I'm 37, single, and still want children.

My head knows I've got the deck stacked against me and it's completely understandable that I would be experiencing anxiety right now.  It's just - GEEZ!  I was doing so well for several weeks.  To experience the anxiety again - it's hard not to feel like I'm backsliding.  

So, March - please be kind.  I'm committing to resting, exercising, and eating better.  So please hold up your end of the deal.  I'm kind of tired of living minute by minute.

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1580318 tn?1550254481
by Shannon79, Mar 04, 2014
I hope march brings you some peace. It sounds like you had a very rough month.

I'm glad to hear that your mom made a recovery. That can be very rough.

I'm with ya on the knowing in your head that you're tired. I feel that too. It's difficult to deal with it. But you've proven that you're strong and you can do it. Kudos to you!

480448 tn?1426948538
by nursegirl6572, Mar 04, 2014
Sweetie, I'm always impressed at your ability to work through things, you've really been going through SO much!!  I'm praying that March is an easy breezy month for you and that you get to sit back and relax a bit.  Remember that stress and anxiety are NORMAL human emotions, and after the last several months of one thing after another, it's only normal for you to feel anxious and have some bad days!

You know I'm here if you need to talk!  XOXOXO  <3

P

6579347 tn?1388502368
by mele48, Mar 05, 2014
Thank you, ladies - I'm just so tired.  And tired of tired.  And this week, I had such grand plans of working out again.  But I took 2 well-deserved vacation days and got away for the weekend to visit my precious niece & nephews.  Which was wonderful and so very needed.  There's nothing like making mardi gras masks, watching ninja turtles & transformers, and sharing pancakes & cuddles to heal what ails you!  But 2 days off = 14.832 days of work to catch up on - how the heck does that happen?!?  So, no time for work outs.

As a God-loving lady, I know He's not punishing me....but can't a girl catch a break???? I'm not even asking for the handsome husband on a white horse+hitting the $40million lottery break.  Just 1 hour in the day to hit the gym type of break.  I know you both know what I'm talking about!  :0)

Deep breaths today!  Thankful for both of you, and sending you both good thoughts and hugs!

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