in town, that I've been looking forward to for a month or so, acutally, a year. But really a month or so. Well, I worked till 6:30. In the Dancing Bear. With Gabriel. And some other kids. It was pretty alright. Except for I didn't have a real job, I felt like I did too much standing around, and it always ***** that I don't speak spanish. I ate so many things on my break, because I kept taking a bite or two, getting sick of it, tossing it and starting over. Finally left. Steve skated over, we went to the fireworks. We were there about an hour, the whole time I've got this shifty eye thing going on, I'm pacing, the whole bit. But it's going ok. I leave steve talking with his friends and do a scan of the place. Justin free. So I return, I'm starting to calm down a little, you know, smile. Dana comes over, Did you know Justin A's coming tonight? Way to go, Dana. Not only did I feel MY heart fall out of my chest and onto the ground, I swear I felt his. After that he fell away from his friends, and stopped talking. Then he said he had to leave. I was begging him to stay. Still scanning, well, everything. We could have hid. I really wanted to be with him. We had so much fun, two years ago. I just wanted something like that. I wanted to tell him the story of our first hug, and how I almost passed out right there in the kickball field. But I didn't want to stay there, with no friends I knew of or had seen, just his friends, whom I talk to and all, but wouldn't want me tagging along. You know how it is. I'm annoying as ****. Whatever. We start walking away, we're both examining the cars, for such different reasons. I would have pushed him to stay, but he scares me when things upset him. Not in a way that he'd ever hurt me, I'm afraid he might hurt himself, or someone else, without going out with that intention. We walked to the skatepark, and right on back to his house. His parents left for the fireworks not long after. Had the house to ourselves for a little while. My parents came right when the fireworks ended, instead of at 11 >=[ .
Oh, and I neglected to mention that I had a YI, not a UTI. I usually get both at once. Thank ******* god not this time. I feel accomplished for pretty much fixing it myself, today. As bothersome as it was.
I really hate bugs, so very much. Part of the reason I just left the fireworks. I don't even enjoy them very much. But it made me cry, when i thought about how he should be there, with his friends, who were all having a wonderful time, but because of me and my bruised ego he was laying on the couch with a pillow over his head, and didn't like to look me in the eyes. Which stopped after he calmed down himself. But I was ashamed of my crying, and put a pillow over my own head and would not come out, for over an hour. What right did I have to be upset, it was my fault in the first place!
Lil Matt broke up with Chelsey. She has not told him. He just wanted a break, they don't talk enough and what not. I return to my original thoughts that while he is a cool guy, he is a *****. And I prefer not to overly associate with him. But with exchange pleasantries if necessary, because he has not done me any person damage. However, by next week I will be royally cursing him if chels is all depressed for our maine weekend, I really was looking forward to going with her, and having a lot of fun =/
And yes, he is the *****, even though she cheated on him. Lord knows if he cheated on her or not.