Apr 30, 2014
Life is good.... so good. What more can I say? Recovery rocks and it's a shame that the getting to it is so hard for people to bear. It tricks them into retreating back to the comfort of drug use because facing the pain of it all is just too hard and scary.
I just want to say, it is only temporary. It will all fade, tho you may feel like it won't.
Slept so sound last night. Wow what an amazing gift that my body is giving me for treating it right. I wake up feeling great and no need to wait on meds to kick in. What's more, I am myself. I feel the change in me and I am so much less obsessive and neurotic. It's just wonderful. My thought processes were quite foggy for a while, but they are beginning to clear up, and that is so nice too. I don't feel like a complete idiot most days now haha.
Last night I spent so much time with my daughter and I wasn't drawn to the escapism as I used to be. I just wanted to be with her in that moment. We laughed and played. She taught me how to play her viola tho I won't recall, so she can just teach me again lol I helped her with her math and my mind just wasn't anywhere else. It always used to be somewhere else. I could see the pain of rejection in her eyes before, but it still didn't stop me from shutting her out of my emotional life for the most part. I mean I would share a moment here and there, but it wasn't quality time...it wasn't what she needed or deserved. There just wasn't ever a time where that was what I wanted to be doing. I am different now. I am so much more calm and content and genuinely interested in this beautiful little human being.
Life is good. I know some on tapers search for and read journals with this topic, so I am posting for them.
Day 25 and completely symptom free. It all goes by so fast once you jump, or it has for me. There was this weird period after my classes were over that I didn't know what to do with myself, so I lingered about the apartment for a while, but that's over. I can't stress enough that you have to stay busy bc it makes the time go by faster. It's all like doing time really...it blows but you have to get through it. I am up and at em first thing and getting busy with life. You'll find that the more you move about, the more your body wakes up. I think that's the natural way of things and takes some getting used to. No more waiting for methadone to kick in so to speak. You are powered by your own body and it takes movement to encourage more movement. You gotta get moving is what I am saying. So many sit and just wait to get better. I don't think that's the way to go. I mean, you have to take an active part in your recovery. You have to force yourself to do things without your drug, and THEN it will become easier in time. You cannot just wait for it to come to you. Besides, it takes so much longer that way.
I am stronger now than I was with methadone. I feel so good and my body is pain free. It amazes me that I don't even need Ibuprofen now, after eating bottles upon bottles during my taper. I get quality sleep now. Tho a lot of nights are broken, the time spent asleep is more than what is spent awake. I just wake briefly and then just go back to sleep. I do have many nights of solid sleep. It does take time for the sleep to get sorted out, but that always was the most daunting problem with getting off of methadone for me anyway. I can handle a lot, but no sleep was the worst part of it all.
Ok I'm off to enjoy my life and this wonderful rainy day :) Yup, I like the rain so long as it's not freezing cold out haha.
Happy and recovering,